h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A passionate Darth Maul was fighting over the cost of passionate fruit at shopping maul fruit and vegetable stall. The sith was getting angry at the Silthareen who was trying to silthar (slither) away. Darth ignited his light sabre at the Silthareen market seller but the Sith Lord got distracted when he heard a small band singing passionate love songs and from the sight of a nearby pick pockets picking the pockets of the band singers. The Sith Lord leapt to the ceiling, hanging onto the rafters so that he could jump down on to the pick pocketers. Darth Maul as overcome with passion, so he passionately kissed all the band singers. The band singers turned out to be Jedi who where trying to lighten up the situation with their light music and with their light themed puns.

The doc said I'd got an eyesoar, I see said eye, but when will it land ?

Boris was a mess. His eyes were twitching, his hands were trembling and he was prone to knee jerk reactions. It was obvious that he suffered from poly-tics

Drivers of gritting lorries must have a lot of grit, when they are gritting the roads in -34°C temperatures in the UK. The drivers of the gritting lorries come across angry and hopping mad motorists who are shaking their fists at them while they are gritting their teeth as they want the gritting lorry drivers to drive faster as they are in a mad rush to get to their destination.

- What kind of music is scary for balloons?
- Pop music ...

I was always nervous when I waited for my balloon angioplasty procedure. I waited on pins and needles.

I once had pins and needles, it was SEW painful

My cousin decided to become a seamstress. It looked like a fairly thimble occupation.

was it a stitch up ?

The was highly respected for her needlework. After sewing me up she gav me a flu shot.

But to be honest I would have preferred a few

I heard a bird sneeze because one flu over a cuckoo's nest

(film)

Juan has the flu?

Ebe'sneezer Scrooge had one also

It was my first time in a rowboat.

"Do I use the right paddle or the left one?" I asked

"That's an either/oar question," I was told.

(beachboys)

Don't sloop John B, drink properly like you were taught!

Blackbeard the Pirate became so rich that he filled his bathtub with rum. One night he drowned when he fell in the drink.

The most inept dancers are found at lumber mills. They have so many board feet.

When it comes to boredom, I intend to go out in a blasé of glory.

I got into a boring conversation with a vulture. Man they tend to carrion. This one wouldn’t shut up about the deadly car cass he got into. The whole time I was just thinking ‘Oh. mag. got.‘

A carpenter sat on her drill and was bored to tears.