h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Don't eat they're nacho friends

There was a gathering of nutcrackers in a small hotel. They all tried to book one suite.

here we go gathering nuts in May

I've now a houseful of idiots

Miss Matics ran a coin shop. Everybody numismatics

Maybe I'll try that. Philately got me nowhere.

A giraffe walks into a bar, has a few large ones and a number of long drinks, then falls under a table where he mumbles unbelievable tall stories.
A gazelle walks in and asks: "Who is that lying under that table?"
A hyena laughs and answers: "Thats'a no lion, that's a giraffe!"

Mr. Wong, did giraffe at that one?

philately didn't get my stamp of approval

The stamp collector went to get in his car and noticed his tires had been punctured. He was philately astonished.

My friend the coin collector became a member of a club for people of his ilk. They called him the new mismatologist

Let me know when ilk season starts.

I just saw a herd of meese heading north. Spring must be near

The two chiropodists got married because they were sole mates.

A scientist doing a large experiment with liquid chemicals was trying to solve a problem when she fell in it and became part of the solution.

During an earthquake in California a bank went into de-fault.

The moose had bad bout of indigestion so he took elkaseltzer.

Soaring water rates were pushing us into bankruptcy, or insolvency at the very least.

I planted a pun in the garden and got spring punions

What do they make at the plant?

Chlorophyll for starters. The workers leave in the Spring.

no night shift, the bulbs keep blowing