h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

you're about to drink to excess, but the barman says I was about to much ?
Excess ? Much ? which town am I in then ?

On cooking shows, there is a little margerine of error.

Near the Kissing gate entrance to the Anglican church, archaeologists and the geophysicists recently found an ancient Kisst (Kist or Cist) burial.

I discovered that existence is no more than a never ending circle in a roundabout way.

The part time violinist who also worked as an accountant was known to fiddle the books.

There have been calls from customers of Royal Mail to stamp out excessive prices as it does not give gold plated royal standard postal services.

When Beetrix (Beatrix) the Bee-keeper moved into town she quite a buzz.

The drunk went to the barbershop and said, "Take a little of the tope."

When Beetrix (Beatrix) the Bee-keeper moved into town she made quite a buzz.

Hive never heard that joke before.

I've heard hunnier ones

Some flower jokes are just a-pollen.

7ft 4ins tall Arthur Letics ran in the marathon, he was a long distance runner

When a new bee keeper moves house and brings in new hives to her garden, she has a hives warming party.

At the picnic where everyone was having organic cold meats and salad. The vicar commenced the picnic with lettuce pray.

Rose-Marie has developed a fear of roses is a thorny issue, even with the smaller Marie-Jeanne rose. Her garden produces the best roses in the whole country as she always rose to the occasion. She does not know where it stems from but it seems likely she'll be stuck with it.

If roses get sucked into a tornado, do they exhibit centripetal force?

Why don't automobiles eat at vegan restaurants?

because they're car-nivores.

the US president is a Chrysler because America a carnation

After Nixon resigned, our president was a Ford, not a Lincoln.