h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Espresso yourself by getting away from the daily grind with a cup of coffee made from the finest ground coffee. It will help you when you have a latte on your mind.

At the wedding, the bride Bridie had pastries which included Bridie pastries and Eccles cakes for her wedding breakfast and did not give a fig about other people's opinions.

help! I've been trampled on by a mob
ok! we'll take your name sir ?
Paddy Field

buying a tarantula ? they're cheaper on the web

Why did ther fly fly?

Because the spider spied 'er.

Our History teacher Ms Field had a field day explaining the history of the Hopping Funfair whenever she takes us to the Town Moor in Newcastle for the Newcastle Hoppings Funfair. We will be on the hop all day visiting and tried not to get hopping mad when we had to wait to get on the rides. We had to hop to it when Ms Field asked us questions about the origin of the Hoppings Funfair.

What advice does a farmer follow when choosing a tractor? "If it fields good, do it."

Is it true that several of the justices on the Supreme Court refer to their homes as 'legal pads'?

I spied a spider on my I-pad when I was on the internet looking for information and images of Spider woman (Jessica Drew) in her webbed costume.

A funny criminal is a silicon.

The doors just broke, I could fix it, but it hinges on other things.

You decide what kind of light bulbs to buy by a process of illumination.

Lamp factories have light workloads.

When the fog burns off it won't be mist.

I thought it would be a breeze to master the Beaufort scale, but it turned out to be a no-wind situation. After all, I don't speak Gale-ic!

Even intermitten precipitation can soak through your clothes.

A mad baker came at me with a ryeful, a 12-grain shotgun with pumpernickel action! He look at me with such loaving, and said “You’re a gluten for punishment.” I never should have crust the guy. I barley survived the encounter, and there were no wheatnesses.

The bun rises in the yeast.

What’s the side effect of eating at a Jewish bakery? Challah toasts is.

The Pillsbury Doughboy came from the Yeast, when he was a leaven. He is always baked or fried, and since he got back home he spends all day in drawers. He has to be treated deferentially because he came from good breading which gave him unique kneads.