h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*considers taking over the driving but instead puts a crash helmet on and hides*

Hey! There's nothing wrong with my driving! Sure, I haven't got a driver's license yet, but at least I know what all those pedals do. And I can change gear (most of the time), and turn, and... Well, that's it.

*looks around*

Hmm... Is this an automatic?

Yeah, but you have to be there

Ok.

*just sits there*

Yeah, dis heater is an automatic. But de tommy gun is betta. Dat's 'cause youse don't gotta aim so good. Just wave it in de direction a de udda cars tires.

Hey, look out fer dat busload a nuns, will ya!

*grabs the wheel*

And by da way, what was in dem pastilles, anyway? I keep seein' liddle boids flittin' 'round my head. And 'round youse guys heads, too.

Uh oh. Maybe someone else should drive.

*puts on a crash helmet and screams*

I'm going to be sick. I'm going to be sick. I'm going to be sick. I'm going to be sick. I'm going to be sick.

Are we nearly there yet?

*mumbles in his sleep*

Mebbe I should drive?

Is there a CD player in this car?
*produces a copy of "Maybe You Should Drive" by Barenaked Ladies*

*starts squealing and passes EV a CD player*
For goodness sake...
*crawls to the front of the car and takes the wheel before they crash into anything else*
Right then...
*adopts a Schumacher driving style and zooms off down the track*

*puts on 'Road Rage' by Catatonia*

Hey I object...
*starts singing "When I'm driving in my car" to drown out the noise of Catatonia*

[Copyrighted content removed by iaoth]

B**p b**p, b**p b**p, yeah!

Oi! Stop singing and get your a**es into gear- you've lost the lead.

Hmm, I can't remember my name being "iaith".

I don't know what you're talking about

*having hidden the evidence so no one ever knows*

Who do you think they'll believe? You, a disreputable hood, or me, a quizmaster.

(I'm very sorry. I made an extra special effort to spell it right on the AHM page, but I wasn't concentrating on the PSF page. Sorry.)

No problem. I won't shoot you. I left my tommy gun in my other pair of pants. (So I has big pants. Anyone gots a problem widdat!?)

*rubs eyes and blinks furiously*

Oooh, my head. Anyone got an aspirin?

Say, are we goin' the right way? And why's dis jalopy in revoise?

With "pants", I obviously mean "trousers". Btw, Dastardly, you should really try those empty BIO-links I told you about in another thread. http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/F66447?thread=115790 to be exact