h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

* the penguin happily consumes the fish *

Er, you'd better watch out, professor. Seems like the bird has been reloaded

[Penguin Biology Lesson: It takes several hours before the fish is in a suitable condition to be used as a projectile. At the moment, the penguin is probably just responding to hunger instincts.]

*Be that as it may, the Professor looks round at the penguin, gives it a warning glare, and goes to get a drink, forgetting he could teleport one...*

* the Penguin giggles at the Professor's obvious state of ennervation. Another penguin appears next to it with a sort of alpha-blending effect. They have a brief conversation, then the second penguin bursts into hysterics *

Yikes! We are being overtaken by zero gravity penguins!

I always knew this day would come....

<BB<

*The Professor turns top the penguins...*

You dare to laugh at me!?

*With a swish of his hand, they teleport out to somewhere. That is to say, he knows where, and it's nowhere he wouldn't want them to be...*

* then penguins reappear, looking rather upset and slightly rumpled *

Penguin #1: [translation: Have at thee, young Professor! Draw your sword and let us finish this!]

Penguin #2: [translation: Hey, this is a zero-gravity environment. Sword-fighting wouldn't work very well]

Penguin #1: [translation: Oh yes, so it wouldn't. I'll just go and get a heavy-duty laser rifle from the Ministry of Evil]

* Penguin #1 alpha-blends away. Penguin #2 looks at Pr C Tonks for a moment, then breaks wind rather noisily before alpha-blending somewhere else *

*The Professor stares at the place they stood, astounded at their cheek.*

Of all the...

*He disperses the foul stench somwhere else, and teleports himself one of his less-powerful guns. He used to use it for splattering Morphs all over their base on Morphus...*

* the penguins alpha-blend back to the nightclub, armed with rather hefty weaponry of various kinds, all with "property of the Ministry of Evil, h2g2" stamped on them. They look around for the Professor, can't see him, so instead grab some darts and busy themselves getting 180s on the dart board from across the room *

*The Professor amuses himself with the thought of picking the penguins up and tossing them at the dart board - getting their beaks stuck again...*

* the penguins amuse themselves by taking target sightings on Pr. C. Tonks with their anti-matter packet guns *

* enters, waving an enormous anti-matter-ray-gun*

Hold it right there!

If you guys want to fight in here you'll have to go outside! This is a place for good clean family fun!

Barman, give us a couple of and a barrel of

...and put on some music!

* the penguins open fire *

This post has been removed.

*The Professor retaliates by simply spinning on his heel, and teleporting the penguins away again with a swish of his hand.*
*Incidentally, the guns were teleported somewhere else, but I doubt that'll stop the penguins...*

Harrumpf! Don't take any notice do they Pierce?

*Goes over to buy himself a drink...*

* ten more penguins alpha-blend into the nightclub, make rude noises and then vanish. They leave a small nuclear bomb behind, with a twenty-centimetre proximity trigger *

*Again, the Professor has to utilise some simple tactics...*
*He initiates one of his shields over it (internal protection), and the bomb explodes inside it.*
*Yes, the shields can hold nuclear bombs...*

*The watches from the far end of the bar, quietly sipping his *

Well, allright, the way things are going there seems to be no need for me to interveen.

Gives one of his a and returns to his