h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Yes. I'm going to be acting suspiciously all day.

I'm not going to trust YOU!

What? Because I'm short? (I'm not really *that* short, I'm 5'6")

I feel so misunderstood...

I mean people who have eyes lurking down on you (especially down on girls...)
Sorry for the ambiguity I cause.

Never trust a chef with a cold.

never trust a chef with a hot

Never trust people who don't complete their sentences.

Never trust people that don't trust people.

Never trust people who trust people.

Never trust people that tell you who to trust (or distrust.)

Dont trust people you dont trust, trust people you do trust and accept that you could easily be wrong about either or both...

Never trust someone who gives you mere platitudes and 'woolly' answers to important questions like whom you should trust.

It's not woolly! Its the truth! If you cant live without rules to rebel against, that's fine, but dont accuse me of being woolly just cos you cant take it!!!

Never trust people who are too smart for their own good. (cf.#250)

Never trust anyone who
1) uses the word "woolly"
or
2) gets offended by its use.

also
3) uses "double" quotation marks in an indiscriminate manner.

5) can't count.

I love you

Hmm. How can I respond to that?
I'm torn between

1) Thanks!

and

b) Steady on, old chap!

Never trust a man who cant decide between alpha and numerical listings...

Never trust anyone who is too fussy about:

d) numbering
6) - lettering
iv) roman numerals
* bullet styles
punctuation!
speelling
3.3) Lists
XIV - thE use oF caPITAls
19 = exactly how strong or weak their tea/coffee is.

Or indeed anyone who is too fussy generally.

Dont trust untrustworthy, shifty, dodgy, skiving, lead swinging, lying types!