h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

When will the Northern Blocking high pressure arrive and give the UK and Ireland very heavy snow storms where 10 feet or more of snow falls in 12 hours.

Sometimes I feel like I don't know what's going on. This is one of those times.

I wish I lived in a zero-carbon home which is completely energy efficient and produces it's own energy using solar panels, wind turbines and water turbines. The windows will be quadruple glazed.

Asked where the cat had gone, the dog replied "Roof!"

Every time I tweet it makes me want to eat blackberry pie. I do not know why I sigh every time I put on my bow tie.

Simba my cat is meditating.

If all the world was paper
And all the sea was ink
And all the trees were bread and cheese
I wouldn't have been able to type this.

I want to strut my stuff
whenever I am in a huff.
I want to swagger my hips
when I am eating a bag of chips.

Simba has been talking to me in cat language, except I can't understand what he's saying to me.

I can't think of anything meaningful to say. I can't think of anything meaningless, either.

When you walk in the rain with your head facing up down the street. You'll have a good chance of falling over or colliding with another pedestrian.

I didn't expect to tire of my new nose so quickly.

Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so.

There is a higher than average rate of traffic accidents in Thurrock whenever it rains heavily.

Combining boring meetings with boring coffee mornings. This is a good idea
as it would give the high flying Ferengi sales executives a chance to bore and impress the coffee morning attendees who only drink tea as they refuse to drink coffee. They will eat lots of cakes as they discuss their past, present and future illnesses. The boring meeting combined with the boring coffee morning is ended with a handbag fight.

Not all steampunks like gin.

One day the computer weather models of the GFS, ARPEGE, CFS, ECMWF GLOS, UK Met Office and Metcheck will all agree what the weather there is going to be Northern blocking and where it is going to be situated.

Engaging with the public will get you a match penalty.

My neighbour loves to get a hammer and hit the walls and ceiling just for the fun of it. She is not putting any fixing up or repairing furniture. She just loves making a riotous and a noisy din.

Where have all the birds gone?