h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Don't be put off if you think I'm being morbid. I'm not. This is just an extension that came out of a conversation I had about a day or so ago in which the topic moved from 'famous last words' to 'what would you like your last words to be?' The aim being to collect intresting phrases that could be uttered in your last moments. Not just the usual fare:

"Say, what does THIS button do...."

or

"Mind that bus."
"What bus?...

but iconic, memorable or funny lines to mark your departure from this planet.
Here I've included epitaphs so that if, like most real-life conversations, you come up with your best lines long after the timely moment to say them has passed, they can still count.
So I thought I'd put it to the h2g2 community. What would you like YOUR last words to be? Inspiration can come from any source. This is a personal favourite:

"Confound it! The batteries are dead!" - Batman the Movie 1969, (The 'anti penguin-torpedo reverse polariser', suffers a technical hitch.)

Clive

The last words of Pancho Villa were:

"Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something."

I think my last words would have to be:

"All my life I've been an atheist. Soon I won't be around to find out whether I was right or not".

One of my favourites was said by an American Civil War general (can't remember who) at the battle of Spotsylvania:

"They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist..."

They could. They hit him. Then there was Palmerston, who was once Prime Minister of Britain:

"Die, my dear doctor! Why, that's the last thing I shall do!"

It was, very soon afterwards.

The last words of my stupid brother are likely to be:

"Dont worry I've got more than enough bungie for this bridge"

last words:

"I told you I was sick"

The standard last words of the American Red Neck:

"Hey ya'll, watch this!!"

Mostly

I'm never going to be as witty as the Oscar Wilde typpes, so I fancy something really surreal that will get them talking:

...in an air of recognition and expectation:
"Nanny! the helicopters in my stockings! At last! Ungh!"

It's difficult to imagine what my lasty words might be, but I imagine they'd end with an exclamation mark!

Like that last posting you mean - Oh dear: Duncan? Duncan????????????

LOL....!*just in case*

Emily Dickinson said what I think are my favorite last words: "The fog is lifting"...

It could've been falling... I can't really remember, since I wasn't there, and this was a long time ago!!!

There is a theory that states that at the moment of your death you will discover the answer to the question that has been troubling you most during your life. Unfortuanetly since the advent of trivial pursuits these lifelong troublers have tended to be about obscure pop groups or Antipodean mountains or the like which means that more and more people are leaving this world exclaiming something odd, like "Spandau Ballet!"

hee he ehe eheee heee hee hee hee heee.... cool...

What aghastly thought - and the only way to avoid it is to read up on Spandau Ballet now

I think on my grave stone I'd like enscribed REALLY SMALL the words:

"Come closer, closer. There that's better, isn't it?
NOW GET OFF MY GRAVE YER TREADIN' ON M' NUTS!!!"

or

There is a quote, (so my friend with the little book 'o' quotes tells me), from Mr E Hubbard (Not the Scientologist) to the effect:

"Every man is a damn fool for 5 minutes every day. The secret to wisdom is not to exceed that limit."

Bearing that in mind I reckon I'd want as my epitaph:

"Dear Mr Hubbard, alas, I have exceeded my limit."

I wonder what other epitaphs a person could have? And hell not even people why not pets and stuff as well:

"Here lies my cat Misty
she fell out of a tree
and was run down by a steam roller
so we had to bury her in a very looooong grave."

Clive

I know I've posted this before, but it still makes me smile so I'm posting it again.

Rudolf Hess was the last inmate of Spandau Prison. When he died, my husband's boss remarked, 'Now that Hess is dead, I really think they ought to pull down Spandau Ballet.'

(Mind you, when the Berlin Wall came down my mother-in-law said that NATO would probably be glad to see the end of the Warsaw Concerto!)

Good grief...

I'd like on my tombstone, a quote that goes something like this:
One can read poetry and recite poetry, but to LIVE poetry is the SYMPHONY of LIFE!!!

...Not as exciting or as funny as the other ideas...

How about an engraved smilie?

Clive

::shudders::