h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Patrick Moore stood on Spiller's Mum's toe

The guitarist from my first band shagged Andy Patridge's daughter.

I once copped off with the best friend of a girl who claimed to be (ex-Manchester United, Stoke and current Leeds) footballer (or impersonator thereof) Danny Pugh's cousin.

My stepsister's father-in-law lived next door to Michael Portillo.

That's all I've got.

Ooh, this is a good game.

I sang (with three other people) at a small gathering for the President of Ireland once.

My grand-aunt lived next door to the mother of Dickie Rock, Ireland's foremost showband singer.

I worked with a bloke who was an aircraft engineer. He once served as engineer on a plane carrying Queen Elizabeth.

I have an acquaintance that went to high school with Meryl Streep.

Best friend lives next door to Natalie Morales, an NBC network news presenter.

Ex-husband works with a cousin of Bruce Springsteen. No, he can't get tickets.

Ooh yes, my Aunt in Helensburgh was teacher to Carol Smilie when she was at school

Whilst working in a hotel in the Lake District back in the early 90s, there was a young guy who used to come camping five or six times a year... He didn't have enough money to stay in the hotel so stayed on a local campsite (but used to drink in our bar every evening)... One year he had his tent blown away and ended up sleeping on the floor in my flat for a couple of days... All I remember about him was that he was a small guy, originally from Birmingham, working for a Local Radio station in Carlisle....

About 15 years later I'm up in the same valley on holiday and get told by a friend who still lived there that I'd just missed the same guy who'd been in the bar reminiscing about that very event... This time he'd come to the valley to film for a TV show he was involved in... The show was Top Gear, the short, penniless & soggy camper I'd had kipping on the floor of my flat was called Richard Hammond.

Was he all curled up like a 'ickle hamster?

Can't remember to be honest... the floor of my flat used to be a popular stopover point for dozens of waifs and strays at the time... if he hadn't actually come back and talked about the event to my friend then there's no way I'd ever have figured out who he was...

I went to the same sixth form college as Richard Ashcroft, and several of the actresses from Holyoaks

I took the virginity of Gail from Corrie's nephew. I also dated a lad who was in the background of the podrace scene of Star Wars Ep.1 and provided a lot of the generic pop music for Hollyoaks in the early 2000s.

I knocked out the lad who played Stuart Gordon from Brookside. He was being extremely rude about my sister and then me only it turned out he had the glassiest of glass jaws.

My mum 'accidentally' set fire to Kim Cattrall's cousins hair back in the early 60s.

I'm sure I've done this before on here but anyway, my best claims to fame are:

Paul Weller once asked me to pass him a melon...in the fruit and veg section of a local supermarket.

My Dad and I were walking in a London street one night when a man rushed out a door and into a waiting limo, knocking me to the pavement then driving off without a backward look or apology. Rather than picking me up or asking if I was OK, my Dad said 'Ooooh, you just got knocked over by Andrew Lloyd Webber'. I should have sued...

My best mate at secondary school is the niece of Brian Cox and I had a family dinner with him a couple of times - actor Brian, not LHC Brian. He probably asked me to pass him the melon too...

I was patted on the head by Jane Goodall when I was a baby.

And my sister's flatmate babysits Til Schweiger's children.

My boyfriend's mum's friend's son went to school with one of the lads from the boy band Five.

How's that for a Lame to Fame?

My friend's son's wife held the flag in front of David Coulthard's car at the Formula 1 Grand Prix in Bahrain.

YEAH! That's the spirit!

VV chatted with Cal Crutchlow's mum at last year's British MotoGp

The best man at my second wedding was the brother of Kajagogoo's keyboard player.

I stuck a sticker on a part of Peter Powell's anatomy during a Radio 1 roadshow.

My mother was born in Cork, and lived in a house later owned by Donovan.

My mum's friend went out with Jackie Stewart about 50 years ago.