h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

i do
that's why i remained invisible for so long.
men...

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Thus spake the theraph(ist). We are all different from everybody else, and being so makes life very lonely. That is a difficult fact for each of us to accept - unless we care to impersonate lemmings.

Not so! It's 100% true, we are all different. There is no one, was no one, and never will be one exactly like me - or you, or Mina, or Peter, or anyone else. We all have different combinations of traits and qualities, different strengths and weaknesses. But that doesn't mean we have to be lonely!

Life is not lonely. I state that as a fact.

But I want to qualify it, before I get my head chewed off by everyone who disagrees. I like to think that I have a high self esteem. But I know and readily admit that prior to four years ago, I did not. I honestly did feel lonely. I thought that no one really cared about me, that no one would miss me if I was gone, that anything I could do could be easily done better by someone else. In fact, I came extremely close to throwing myself off a cliff three times. The thing that stopped me was not my love of living, nor my fear of dying, but that I felt I was already a burden on everyone, and could not bear the thought of being more of a burden on my family and friends.

How I got changed around is a whole other story, one far too long to divulge here. (If you're REALLY interested, you can always go visit my Space and ask me, I don't mind telling people - it involved a few good friends and a lot of determination... and a broom stick ) However, I can say quite well that I know what it means to feel lonely. But knowing how I was then, and knowing how I am now, I feel that I can say that I was not alone, even back then.

Yes, I know that is very different from being lonely. I had the ability to feel lonely, even among large groups of people. The point I am making is this: loneliness is a state of mind, and if you stop here, then yes, life can be lonely. But everyone, I don't care who it is, everyone in this world has at least one person who cares abotu them. Usually many, many more. Most of those people - the vast majority, in most cases - are people that a person doesn't even think of. People only realize a small percentage of the other people who care about them - they think of their family, and close friends. But they'd be very surprised to know how many other people care about them. I know I was.

It's very important to let other people know you care. If you don't, then people assume that you don't care, and that is what causes loneliness. If you know someone who feels lonely, the best thing you can do for them is to convince them that people care about them, and that they are worth caring about.

Ah, I could ramble on much more about this, but I think I should stop here. I'll wait until someone doesn't understand my babblings before explaining myself

Been there. Done it. Thoroughly agree with you. I meant philosophically lonely rather than 'unwanted'. I'm glad you feel good about yourself now. Have a nice George.W. day.

I vote for Marduk

Could a Canadian be US President? Isn't he too bright?

I do agree with Marduk, too.
But who understands men - what have presidents to do with it anyway?

Was it George Burns who said "When I was a boy, I was told that anyone could become President of the United States. I am beginning to believe it!"

Back to understanding men. Are they worth it?

Yes.

And on the whole here is my answer without reading the backlog:

Who understands men?

Men, to a certain extent.

But I hardly understand my self.

And on the whole, we would first have to define:

Men

Man

What do you mean by understanding?

Decide on which basic litriture we have had to share, so we can talk about the same kind of men

My recomendation for this: Robert Bly, Iron John. Good book.

Perhaps someone can tell me who understands women, old people, nazis, bosnians, serbs, russians, chinese (let alone the language), penguins and computers. Huh! What a vast field of misunderstandable subjekts!

Thank you all for your votes I'm not very fit to rule, however, so I'll have to respectfully decline. Even though it would be neat to be in the White House...

While we're listing things that aren't understandable, I'd like to toss peanut butter into that pile. Why is it so much stickier than regular butter? What property of peanuts causes the peanut butter to cleave to the roof of one's mouth? And wouldn't "paste" be a term more a propos for it (more than butter, I mean)?

The stickiness of peanut butter is indeed a very complex problem, involving phase interactions, weak bonding, the varying physiognomy of peanut butter eaters and the problem of determinism. This last because everything involves the problem of determinism and it is a subject with which I am personally obsessed! And I agree that it should be called peanut spread or peanut paste.

I really need some help/advice and this seems to be vaguely the right place/posting. I am married to man who most of the tims treats me like sh*t, but is so obsessed that he won't let me go. I cannot understand him, he says he will never let me go and can't live without me, but seems to find it impossible to be nice. Part of the problem is he is a control freak and wants to control eveything I do, where I go, who I speak to. He bugs my phone, follow me etc.

On Monday things were so bad, I told him to leave, but I know it won't be long before he comes back again. All my friends tell me I must get out of the relationship as it is destroying me, but with no family to back me up, I cannot take him on on my own.

Suggestions please, perhaps someone else has been in a similar situation....

Beeing stuck with a person, and unable to get rid of him/her is one of the biggest test for either coping with the situation or getting boundries set, so you won´t get intrusions anymore. From the few lines you write I would recomend professional help. I only know about the possibilities in Germany. But first thing is to find someone, whom you feel you can talk to and who won´t shut up when looking at the parts you are bringing into the problem. It´s one thing for the man to go, but it´s a second thing for you to keep him out. Professional help can be good to get your boundries set. The job to keep those out of your life, that you don´t want remains yours.


(That´s why I like the unsuscribe button Would make life damn easy if people had unsuscribe buttons!)

Does he physically abuse you?I suspect that if you stay with him any longer he may turn out to be such a person.It's best to make a clean quick break now before he tries to dominate you completely as this is not a behaviour that is easily dealt with.If you do allow him back into your life insist he see's a psychiatrist to deal with his control issues.The fact that you are on your own may be a factor of his 'attraction' to you.Be wary of him undermining your confidence as this is the first way to obtain and maintain control over you.I think you need to talk to someone from one of the abused partners groups or refuges for some real practical help.

Yes, it sounds like a case where a women's network might help. We know you have four kids (right?) but do you have mother/sisters/girlfriends who can support you? I have no experience or training with this sort of thing, but I tried to put myself in your position. It's not easy to imagine what you are going through. I hope you find a way out.

How old are your kids? Can you talk to them? One thing I do know, you have to WANT to get out of it. I know this sounds callous to someone in your position, but only determination driven by a genuine desire to start anew will get you anywhere in life. It's going to take a great deal of your energy. I wish you all the best and the ability to make the right decisions to reach your final happiness.

Anybody who bugs your phone or follows you around or attempts to control you is BAD news. This is not love. We give freedom to people we love. I think the advice given above, to find a support group and get away, is wise. If possible remove youself and your children as far away as possible. This is not running away from the problem, it is solving it. Relationships, even bad ones, can be addictive. I hope that you can kick this particular habit. Good luck.

Yes, I have four sons aged between 10 and 15. I am 35 and have been married for nearly 17 years. Unfortunately, my husband is very jealous, he is jealous of the children and this is getting worse as they get older. I do not speak to my Mother (we have never got on well - she refuses to be told of the problems, but insists of supporting my husband. She sees it as the untimate way of getting to me). I have no sisters and my only brother lives in Australia. I have many girlfriends who give me support, but my husband hates it and is terribly rude to them in the hope they will stop phoning/seeing me.

My father-in-law in a very strict Catholic who does not believe in divorce and therefore his attitude is "You've made your choice now you must stick with it, no one in the family has ever been divorced and there is no question of you doing it etc...."

The problem is (despite having no money) I know I would be far better off on my own, but it is extremely difficult to stand my ground in the face of my husband, his family and my family.

I suspect that we are being guilty of pontificating without knowing all the facts. Ideology is fine but should not be applied as a spray.
How do your children view the situation? Advising you to make a break without considering the bonds within your family unit seems precipitate. I am beginning to regret my earlier posting, because yours is a very serious question and all the available information should be weighed before we (the wit and wisdom of H2G2) dare to venture advice. Practicalities must be addressed. If you feel secure in continuing this conversation then, to be of any use, it should be put in a firmly pragmatic context. I think that we all want to help but we shall not do so by shooting from the hip at a rather ethereal target.

Which is why Percy just about all of us have suggesting seeking help from those who know the problems first hand such as a local Womans Support group for women in this situation.Talking to others who have and are experiencing such a situation are going to be more use than those of us who have never suffered this problem.