h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Deodorant fart pads, led panels that can be read by the driver in front of you (reversed for the mirror) that say *Did your model come without a turn signal, you self obsessed idiot?* and the return of mustache cups.

An uninventing machine. Often things are invented which don't help humanity, and once they're out there, you can't presently uninvent them. Things that should be uninvented include the atomic bomb, scratchy washing tags and Michael McIntyre.

You forgot to mention taxes.

Taxes? Always difficult to find one on New Year's eve.

Got a bus instead. They want it back.

Zoomer, you just reminded me of an idea I had when stuck in a queue of traffic one day. The traffic was flowing freely in the other direction, so they must have been able to see what teh obstruction was, but had no way of communicating that with us.

Cars should have their own "matrix sign" bar on their roofs so that they could type in messages like "lorry shed its load" or " 2 car pile up at Junction 6" or "oil on road" to give valuable information to the traffic in the opposite direction.

Or "Ha ha ha"

What my car really needs:

http://theoatmeal.com/blog/car_needs

Bea, lorry drivers and bikers do that. Doublsclick of high beam means "slow down, trouble ahead".

Yes, but what trouble precisely? Accident or police checking drivers' speed?

The best solution would be to flash the explanation in Morse code.

I for one don't want drivers who are driving towards me at speed to be texting.

And frankly, I don't care what's causing the obstruction. The information is of little interest and no practical use. Knowing it's an accident doesn't help. What I really need to know is whether there's an alternative route.

What would actually help is if the fence down the middle of the motorway was six feet high. Currently, about 50% of the time, the answer to the question "why is this carriageway doing 5mph?" is "there's no obstruction on this side AT ALL, but there's an accident on the other side and everyone's slowing down to have a look." Stop people seeing what's going on on the other side - it's none of their business what's going on on the other side. Keep your eyes on YOUR side, idiot.

Meanwhile, here's what someone should invent: a machine that can catch a juggling club, turn it over and throw it back, and do so every two seconds or so. That way I could practice my club passing without having to find someone better at passing than me who's also patient enough to deal with my incompetence.

Someone should invent it, and I know for a fact that someone (me) is working on it. Evidence on youtube if I ever get it working.

<>

Agree. Would cut down rubbernecking and getting dazzled.

An Internet license. Without an Internet license, you can still surf, shop, bank and use one to one instant messaging applications. With a license, you&#39;re entitled to participate in any activity that involves being exposed to a wider community. This would mandatory sensitivity training, a couple lessons on social ettiquette and possibly a refresher on middle/junior school English (or your country&#39;s most commonly spoken language).
The first time you study for this and take the exam, it&#39;s free. If your license gets revoked, you have to pay a small fee to sit an exam.

Because frankly, I don&#39;t get ordered around, shouted at or openly insulted on the high street by anyone with an IQ over room temperature so I don&#39;t see why that should be allowed within the comfort of my own home.

Damn kids, always on my lawn...

Sorry, double post, but I did once get a birthday present that pretty much WAS that matrix sign. Not as practical as you might think. It&#39;s a small LED screen you attached to your back window with a box that you kept in the front of the car (wireless) that allowed you to send pre-programmed messages to other drivers, like:


THANKS
SORRY

Quite distracting for the guy behind, I&#39;d have thought.

I didn&#39;t ever use it, unfortunately. Not a big fan of obstructing my view with stickers and toys (except Dynamite, my headcrab...)

I think the information is useful as you'd be able to decide whether it was likely to clear quickly (in which case stay put in your queue) or take a long time (in which case, take the next left and find a different route.) And also, just knowing what it is can reduce stress and tension (didn't they do some experiment on this recently in respect of train passengers, who were much happier being told what was causing the delay than just knowing that there was one.)

Agree that you'd want a passenger doing the texting rather than the driver. And not for use on motorways.

Isn´t that what those traffic announcements on the radio is all about?

How about a self-driving car? Less accidents.

There already are self-driving cars, and even a motorbike.

A self-driven politician (rather than committee-driven)?

>Isn´t that what those traffic announcements on the radio is all about?<

You don't drive do you Xanatic?

I can almost guarantee that my car radio will flick to the traffic announcements in the following order of priority:

(a) I actually need to know about a jam in the direction I am heading...

Result: Radio will tell me about it as I enter the point of no return to join that queue. (or when I'm already in it).

b) When I don't care. E.g I am driving in Manchester and there is a queue on the A57 in Brighton.

Result: Radio will tell me in good time.


Most people I know turn off the traffic warning thing on their car radio off as the only thing it ever does is kick in right in the middle of you favourite song to no useful effect.

I'm reliably informed that top of the range satnavs *are* quite good at getting you out of traffic schtuck though (mine's dirt cheap sadly)