h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I fear onion zero, not only for myself, not only for the poor unfortunate sould who first opens the jar of the evil onion, but for life, and human-kind, for the devistation onion zero may have on the world, and on all life on the plannet. Oo think I've and Idea for my next novel for Narno next year! a sci fi comedy novel called 'onion zero' where a jar of supercharged mutant pickled onions brings about devistation and destruction to the world ... a kind of post-apocoliptic comedy ...

I like the sound of that story- you could have the "silverskins" lording it over the lower caste- call them "gherkins"- and seeking the holy Pickling Spice as seen in the Bible according to Deliasmith, a long forgotten diety that they all follow. The "gherkins" could be formulating a revolt against the "silverskins" with some help from some pickled eggs and a couple of jars of pickled herring.

I reckon your onto a winner!!

you've just written me the entire plot~!

Just the bare bones- you can fill in the rest. Just give me a writing credit.

There's your christmas gifts sorted for next year- a signed copy of your latest novella for all the family!! You never know, they might be the ones buying YOU a drink

OK, its a deal

don't forget to include pickoo deggs somewhere in the story.

Chef used to (sometimes) fill a bucket with eggs in water, feed the steam pipe in for ten mins & bring 'em to the mess.
We'd all sit round, peel 'em & drop 'em in vinegar while making inroads into the ration

Dammit! Wrong button!

Anyway, they were then put away for, oh, two or three weeks...

After much research we found that the optimum pickling time was between 20 and 25 minutes.

For the eggs, or those drinking the beer?

I just found a shop selling assorted fake moustaches, one for each weekday. I think those are the perfect gift for everyone on your list!

Is that all they sell? Fantastic! I gotta get to that shop, complete my collection of fake moustaches.

I still have a few* faulse moustaches left in my collection! (I don't know why... but I kinda got into the habbit of wearing a very obviously faulse moustache, to the h2g2 London meets...)

Along with the false nose and comedy glasses??

Never done the faulse nose, nor the comedy glasses; I do wear a pretty rediculus looking stupid hat though

It takes a special kind of man to pull off the 'ridiculously looking stupid hat' with such great aplomb

I do it with as much aplom as I can pull off... which, admitidly is quite a fair bit

Ladies and gentlemen...... the ego has landed!!

Everyone, stand back.... make room... Further back, it needs more space, don't crowd it! Don't all try and get in too close now... make room!

We'll know you've got too big for your bootee's when you start charging us mere mortals for autographs!!

Have you decided on the presents yet? Will it be alky-hole, or are you going for something less bottle-shaped??

Depends... i think the case of wine for a starter for parents, plus something maybe food related: I was looking at some cheese board gift type things... but, really naa, they're so* expensive for what they are; I recon a quick trip to M&S or John Lewis to pick up a suitable board, lus cheese knife, and then a trip to the Italian deli opposite me for some cheeses, plus maybe the cheese shop in town I've never yet been too, oughta give a better selection of equally good or better cheese for the same price or less... but, this owuld involve me having to actually* go to a shop or two... which I'm really trying to avoid But there is plenty of time yet so no need to hasten into a rash desicions, I don't normally actually get round to the deed until the 23rd or later Have to be a bit careful as I'll be travelling back by train, so if its stuff I'm getting here to take back there is a size/weight consideration, hence why the buying stuff online, arranging delivery to there house for just after I get back is in itself somethign which solves that small problem..


Oi! you move away from my ego, your crowding its personal space!

Audographcs? My autograph? You can I think buy them on EBay

...sorry (shuffles even further along the bench)... didn't mean to get so close, your holiness...(shuffle, shuffle).... please don't beat me again... I promise to be more careful.....

I've seen some really good cheese boards- nice ones made of slate- but can't remember where. Think they are quite expensive but would make a great gift. And I'm not sure if you can get cheese on-line, pretty sure you must be able to as you can get just about everything on-line these days. I mean, without interweb human trafficking you'd have a much smaller entourage.... ...... and just try smuggling a small philipino boy home in your suitcase...