h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

For all those that listened to the radio drama yesterday, there is actually a Malingerers Manual:

http://www.malingerersmanual.com/

Oh Dear!

I took the test 38% and just a beginner it said!

It's an MQ not a percentage, I've only got an MQ of 27 which is a lie!!!

It was?

It is?

Oh!

I always lie, once I told everyone that I was alergic to alcohol just so I did'nt have to go to a nightclub. I scoff at that mediocre amount. The only thing that possible lets me down is the guilt thing, although after a while I start believing my own rubbish any way!!!

Oh!

Stuff that, here is the real way to lie.

If your a rubbish liar: Always try to back up your lie with fake evidence or throw some statistics into what you are saying to make it sound convincing. About 67% of lies suceed using this method.

Laying the blame: If you believe your lie is of poor quality but it's too late to go back on it or make it clearer the Humphrey Appleby way. The best method is blaming a secondery source or find faults with your own lie in such away that it does'nt sound like a confesion, apparently this works but I've never used it myself

Being ambigious: Not lying at all is a good option but netherless when it comes to the crunch, when the prosecution want an answer can you think fast enough on your feet to not answer the question? The answer is no, not even Sir Humphrey could do it. People on television can do it because there is a script involved but in the real world not answering the question is impossible without being detected. Countless politions try it but fail, "Did you threaten to over rule him?" comes to mind!!!

I was brought up with the phrase used by my Dad "I can read you like an open book"

The other was Mum's favourite "I can see it in your eyes"


I couldn't lie to save my life!

I'll make it my ambition to turn you into a liar and cheater, thats if you want to...no worries!!!

Ah it's easy!!!

*waits for her first lesson*

I got 10 is that good or bad?

If it's like IQ I suppose the larger the number, the more of a malingerer you are...

Whether it's good or bad depends on your point of view .

I got 39, I guess being a student helps in this department
*malingers away*

I got 27.... still only a beginner, according to the site.

I feel rather odd, I've just decided I like being honest, as the surprise it causes people (especially at w**k) is often worth it!

The art of lying is mainly in your own mind, the best liars are those unpetuded by guilt, have a strong wit and are extremely resourceful!!!

One important thing I noticed about this 'test' is how apaulingly written and put together it is. Several of teh questions I could have answered 5, or 1, depending on what the question actually ment. I think this as a questionarire would have been kicked out if I'd shown it to my A level lecturer whats it ment to be measuring anyhow?

>>the best liars are those unpetuded by guilt, have a strong wit and are extremely resourceful<<
That's me all right. Not that I do lie that often, the truth is often more useful