h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I can manage to have female friends. It´s relationships I can´t manage.
I met up with a girl a while ago, for something which was not meant to be a date. We spent about four hours over the cup of coffee, and she turned out to be interesting enough. Besides already having a boyfriend, she also fancied this other guy and was asking me for advice on him. I´m hoping if that had been a date, such things could be avoided.

If you're ever on a date and it turns out that the person has a partner or fancies someone else, simply assign that one to the friends folder and leave well alone.

I dont think you'll ever find a fool-proof way of making sure you only ever date people who are suitable. If you do, bottle it and sell it, you'll be a millionaire! How many people in this world are self-delusional? And how many of them will be dating? It's inevitable.

Essentially, so long as you deal with it tactfully,

It it isn´t about dating people who are suitable. The date part is there to find out if they are suitable. It´s about dating people and not have them go "Oh, I thought we just went out as friends." or to find out they are already in a relationship.

Date them.

If you don't enjoy it, don't date them again, and accept a negative experience.

If you do enjoy it, but it doesn't turn into a relationship because they just wanna be friends or they have a boyfriend or they're gay or they turn out to be a bloke in drag, well, you had a good time and some practice for next time.

No date is ever a waste of time, assuming the other party actually turns up at all.

Well...may I suggest a tactic, then? Simply carry on being friendly with lots and lots of women. Some will have other partners. Some will want to be 'Just Friends'. So what? You'll still get to enjoy female company. Plus, chances are, eventually...



(the only flaw being that if it goes further with one, you may be forced to give up all your other female friends.)


on another thread, I recently mentioned an epigram from John Donne. I don't recall the exact words, but I'll paraphrase:
'You're calling me a girly because I like womanly things.
But you hand around with men all the time, and I'm not calling you a poof...'

*hang*, not hand.

Fat Fingers Day

I´ll have to think about this and rephrase it. People seem to be getting the wrong ideas.

Xan, I might still be getting the wrong end of the stick, but essentially if someone accepts dinner with you and you alone without making it clear in the first place that they are taken, then you're probably giving out the wrong cues in the first place... If they just want to be friends, well, isn't that what dating's about? Finding out if someone's to be forgotten about, to be a friend, or to be something more?

As for getting rid of female friends when you find yourself going out with someone, well... Not really friends then are they? Just acquaintances.

Yes, I seem to be giving out the wrong cues. Which is why I´m wondering what the right cue is. Apparently as mentioned taking them to dinner at a restaurant isn´t the right cue.
I think the female friends comment earlier just referred to getting them into bed. Which is something I also want, but it´s not related to this.

>>As for getting rid of female friends when you find yourself going out with someone, well... Not really friends then are they?

Not necessarily my choice.

It's a tricky one, without seeing you in action. I guess you need to try and be as clear as you can, sometimes quite direct... Perhaps 'I'd like to take you out for dinner sometime, get to know you better' is a little more intimate than 'fancy meeting up for some food some time?' And as was suggested earlier, replying to their assent with 'that's a date then!' should fish for a bit more info and feedback.

Also, perhaps you're asking the wrong people? Other than general specualtion though, like I say, I cant give you any more ideas without seeing you and knowing how you communicate non-verbally as well...

"I cant give you any more ideas without seeing you and knowing how you communicate non-verbally as well..."
Sounds like you're asking Xan for a date

*Tries to think of a smutty comment to make about "handing around with men".*

*Fails.*

Well, if he's paying, I guess I can wait till my belly's full before I tell him I'm in a very happy relationship, but thank you kindly...

What?

No really WHAT?

What twee part of the Universe do you live in Xan?

I have never asked someone on a date without both of us having a rough idea of where we might like things to head. The number of times Ive asked a woman out on a "date" is still smaller than the number of times Ive woken up and had to ask the person laid next to me what her, name, age, marital status was and "where exactly are we"?

C'mon fella "man-up".

Just have bloody good time with people stop frettnig about "dates" and you'll find you bump into women who make it abundantly clear that a they'd like to see you on a more regular and intimate basis either through long drawn out coy conversations or by showing you their "tromboning" skills in the nightclub toilets/stairwell of a multistory car park*.

Loosen up! Women are gagging for it. Not all of them with you but some of them are and you just have to show those who are that you are interested in them.



*Im guessing but you probably arent familar with the ettiqutte for this situation. If it is done well you'll be lost for words even after you get your breath back, even if it isnt done that well you'll still be pretty dumbfounded when you find out what it involves and that anyone would do that sort of thing (but they do). I reccomend lavishing praise upon the woman for her genrous act and offering her a mint.

"I reccomend lavishing praise upon the woman for her genrous act and offering her a mint."

That's the funniest sentence I've read in ages

Blicky: This is still not about getting laid though.

I met up with that girl sunday for a cup of coffee. I couldn´t afford restaurant. We had a good time and she seemed quite interesting. The day after I sent her a message saying among other things that I´d like to meet her again when I come back from my trip. The reply was "There seems to have been a misunderstanding. I just saw it as a friendly cup of coffee." So even using the word "date" straight out doesn´t seem to do it. Any other ideas on how to make it clear?

Well, I dont really understand the problem Xan, I mean, it's not like you're investing three months into a relationship and then finding out they are married, you're finding out in the very early stages...

And there's always the chance that people are willing to wait and see how things work out and then are politely saying that you're not the one for them?

I've only skimmed this - so may have missed something - but Xan do you flirt?

I guess I´m being picky but it´s so rarely I get a date, it´s quite a disappointment when you find out it isn´t a date.
I might not have done that much flirting, but then even when I do I´m not sure that I am. I guess this sunday I aimed too much at the "seem interested in them" angle.