h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Sure I heard somewhere that no particle accelerator has ever switched on first time with no probs, so the fact the LHC got beams going on first switch on is pretty good going.

p.s. 2Legs - I know the LHC exists - I've seen it on the internet!

It's claimed the LHC will be so effective at illustrating the most fundamental parts of our universe it'll banish forever all the mystery and spiritual meaning that we've drawn from the stars for millenia.

Which is just the sort of arrogance you'd expect from a torus.

If that doesn't become a front page quote then.... clearly the person who does the front page quotes is a capricorn

On the internet?: But the internet doens't exist, its just a FBI/CIA/MI5 conspiracy... zeusk....

That is officially the most expensive gag in the world!

works for me!

Thank you. I'm here all weekend; don't forget to check out the salad bar!

The salad bar does not exist. The salad bar is a myth projected on to us by the powers that render our every waking throught through their televisual mind control and leaches into us the lies of the satan-worshiping people of ill-repute and who conspitorially project into us the myths and lies of such things as 'science'

Will you have a Higgs Boozo-on while you wait for repairs to be completed?

Novo

Schrodingers cucumber?

Quantum coleslaw?

Higgs bacon bits?

The Event Humous?

Bread sticks (to the outside of a centrifuge)?

Thousand ion Dressing?

Lettuce spry

Iceberg's Uncertaintly Principle

Cold-fusion-slaw, made with quark dressing
Bohr-scht
Prawn cocktail in Marie Curie sauce
Beta-root radiation
Lobster Fermi-dor

You know, wat... I 've just realised what fools these scientists at the LHC are: Looking at the pic of their control room, I see the entirely obvious mistake they've made which has resulted in this catostrophy: They didn't corectly allign the bakcs of their chairs with the doors; this had led to the channeling of bad-carma through the lines of the room as according to the ancient lores ... if only they knew as much about Feng shui as they know about quantum hic-ups and bowments particles...

They should have used mirrors instead of magnets then.

You actually believe in these "magnets"? Any child can tell you it's fairies really.

I don't know why this LHC thing cost so much... I've prrformed jsut about the same experiment at home using nothing more than an old Dyson duel-cyclone... and an empty washing up liquid bottle, some blutac, and double sided sticky tape

So, what did the God particle do, 2legs?

Well, there was like this big 'booming' noise; you know, just like in the films... and then like there was this kind of funny smell, the lights went out, and then there was like all this strange stuff... Kind of like dust... but well, kinda moreso....
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And once I'd gotten the lights working again, there was like this strange etherial dust covering everything in the room, and the dyson never worked again... Oh, and what looked strangely like size 11 footprints with a cuban heel on the carpet....