h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Yes, so now I have reached my conclusion: I give up. On guys, on trying to understand them, on pretty much everything. I give up. Maybe thats the way its supposed to be. Just give up.


You realize what I just said is all crap.

I still, more than ever, am motivated to find out the truth.
I am not talking genetics.
I am not talking about society.
Why are they all such...guys!!

And an even more important question: how do you eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich without the peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth? Its so annoying!

rat

You know what's funny, my best friend (not P'hul*, my other one) had a guy that she was the same way with him as I was with mine. And he stopped liking her, but he kept calling he and making dates with her. She could tell that he didn't like her anymore, but he didn't ever tell her. In fact, when she began to think he didn't like her, she asked him and he said that he did.

So, now I have a real direct question that applies to all guys:

Why don't you say anything when you want to end a relationship?

GreyRose

How do you even come up with the idea of peanut butter and jelly together in the first place? They don't go together! Ick.

As for you GR (my condolences, by the way), I dunno. The problem you just described of someone not liking someone else anymore but still calling and such isn't limited to just guys. That's a universal one. And so I would venture to say is probably the thing about ending a relationship.

I have no firsthand knowledge of what that's like, though. I have never been in a relationship during which I wanted to end it. I've looked back on a few (not that I've been in many mind you) and decided it was probably best that they ended, but at the time they ended, I wasn't wanting them to, and I'm not the one that ended any of them.

This kind of record does not exactly bode well for me going forward, does it? Actually, it's not all bad I suppose. There are two ways to look at it. One is that none of them really found me long-term desirable. If that's the case maybe *I* should give up now. The other more positive outlook is that I was willing to work at things over the longer term and more forgiving of differences than they were. Perhaps the reality is somewhere in between.

I'd have a tough time answering this one, since when I've wanted to end it, I've ended it. But then, I've already stated that I'm fairly honest in my relationships, and this is part of it. But the times I've had to end it, I've always been rather reluctant, because, let's face it, they always end badly. First comes the tears. Then come the phone calls, every day, in some vain attempt to rekindle what never should have burned in the first place. Then, finally, she leaves you alone, only to play off some grand scheme a few weeks later, if you've been cursed in love with the mental deficients that I have.

Once, I had a perfect breakup. It was in 8th grade. We dated for a while, and it was great, but the whole thing became too smothering, because I saw her every waking moment. We walked to school together. We stopped to see each other between classes. We spent lunch together. After school, we went over to my house. Finally, we just ran out of things to say to each other. One morning I made up my mind to end it, and just before my last class, she came up to me and said she needed to talk after school. I said fine, I needed to say something, too. So after school I met her coming out of her gym class. The conversation went like this:

Her: So, you had something you wanted to say?
Me: Yeah, but it's okay, you can go first.
Her: Okay...(dramatic pause)...I don't think we should see each other any more.
Me: Really? (grinning)
Her: Yeah.
Me: That's what I came to say!
Her: (laughs)

We hug, walk home from school together again, but she keeps going on to her own. We stayed friends without any of that uncomfortable weirdness I've always experienced since. I wonder where she is now...

I had that happen once in 9th grade. No matter which way you want a relationship to go, as long as you both want the same thing, it's great.

I know what you mean about things ending badly. When I broke up with my ex it was bad. I had to break up with him three times. I wanted to break up with him, so I did. Two days later he shows up at my house crying with roses, I was really uncomfortable so I took him back.

(I know, that makes absolutely NO SENSE WHATSOEVER)

A few days after that, he asked me to marry him, and in front of other people. So, I said yes, recluctantly. Finally, when I finally did break up with him, he called a few times. My mother talked to him so I didn't have to.

I haven't called That Stupid Boy, really because I never called him much anyway, but I also know that it wouldn't do any good. But, I know about revenge schemes. I have thought of many different ways to get him back. I'm not going to execute any of these plans, though because I know it won't help either. And, this isn't because he doesn't like me 'that way', I don't mind that really. What bothers me is, I don't know how long he was feeling this way, and I feel like a fool and it's his fault for not saying something earlier. So I am very mad at him and want to get him back. But, like I said, I'm not going to.

I can totally see why guys are so reluctant to break up. They seem to think that things will work themselves out on their own and don't want any of the work involved. I have found myself thinking of calling the ex back and asking him back, only to realize how dumb it would be(not the same one I was talking about before). Girls are more into dumping guys more quickly than guys doing the dumping, since girls are really into their pride and stuff. Its all about who dumps who first, at least of the girls I have observed in my life.

rat

So *that's* where you are. Jeez, I go away for a weekend and when I come back not only have things exploded dramatically but you've all moved house!

GreyRose, I'm so so SO sorry. I agree with Rat now: the guy is a cretin. Don't waste your time thinking up revenge schemes, he's not worth it. Or alternatively, daydream about all the horrible things you'd like to do to him but don't bother trying to put them into practice.

To answer a question you posted days ago, GreyRose: how am I? I've been better. I had a rally on Saturday and stuffed my car. No damage to me or my co-driver but I feel like such an idiot.

And here's another guy question: why the hell do guys get so bloody competitive?? Here I am trying to have fun in motorsport and I'm a) getting ignored by most of the good drivers and b) being given sh*t by one guy because in my first rally he thought I was driving too slow (I finished that one!). It seems like when it comes to sport you have to be *really* good to be worth having in the team. I've met the same thing in basketball and cricket. Why can't guys just play sport for the fun of it?

I also had a really bad dream about my ex last night and woke up (and spent the whole day) feeling horrible. Why is it that my mind always makes a bad time worse by giving me bad dreams as well?

Argh, I need to get more sleep.

As far as dumping is concerned, the one time I dumped a girl I should have done it about 6 months earlier. I just persuaded myself that I was being unreasonable. I don't think that feeling is exclusive to either sex.

I'm gonna go watch some Buffy to cheer up.

Don't worry, I'm not going to act on my revenge fantasies. I really want to though. I am sooooooo mad at him. Grrrrr!

That sucks about your car, Oz. But, I'm glad that you're ok.

Why are guys so competitive? Hmmmmm, there could be so many reasons. I think that the guy who gives you sh*t, does it because someone probably did it to him in the past, and thinks that you have to be like that to be a man.

My ex was real competitive. When we'd play video games and I beat him, we'd have to keep playing until he won. Also, when we'd wrestle, and he had me pinned (which was all the time, because I didn't want to hurt him {seriously though}), he wouldn't let me up until I said that he had won.

Why ARE guys like that?

We're competitive because winning is more fun than losing. And as for the driving thing, I'd be upset, too. The fun of racing is to be able to go at maximum velocity, so it's even more maddening on the track when you get stuck behind slow traffic than it is during rush hour on the freeway.

However, there is such a thing as being too competitive, and being a poor loser. I take it that your guys are: a) rather immature, and b) rather insecure. It takes a big man to lose gracefully, and no one can win all the time.

Go a little lighter on the peanut butter.

Competition can be amusing, but is really annoying when something actually has to get done.

-jb

Competition is fun as long as nobody takes it personally.

But, I don't know, it seems that that is what it's all about most of the time. (-Competition I mean)

Most boys seem to have something to prove, well, but there's a lot of girls like that too.

That is why they have Girl Hockey!

Guys feel the need to compete because its all about who looks the coolest and guys just like it when other guys think they are so great, it proves their manhood and stuff.
I can relate to Greyrose, too. When my ex and I would play video games, I would totally whoop his butt. He would blame it on being sleepy but I know the truth. I am the best! So, what video game did you whip his butt in? God isnt great when guys act so macho and then you beat em good. Hehehehe. Its just too bad when they act all mad afterwards.

rat

I can't remember, but it was more than one. Most likely a game show or board game video game. Maybe Road Rash 3. I love that game.

I'm wondering if maybe guys are competitive only because they're expected to be. And, deep down inside they all just want to have fun and get along without any of those messy conflicts.

Nah, I don't think so. Maybe some of them don't want to compete, those are the ones who generally don't. The rest want to be the best, everyone does, and girls do it too, in different ways. They want to be the best looking, be the most popular, etc. I find that girls tend to get a lot more petty over the little things. Guys compete-usually for fun. With some girls, you can never be sure. Road rash-very good game. Kick my brothers butt in it all the time. Heh.

Maybe it's like Tetris and is a 'girl's game'.

Yeah, girls are competetive too. But actually I wasn't being serious up there, but I was wondering about it.

Here's a new question: Why don't guys ever apologize for anything?

ok this is going back a few posts but i figure it doesn't matter,

competitivness: its fun to be competitive, it gives you motivation to win. Without that motivation there isn't as much purpose to the game and it isn't as much fun. Ofcourse winning isn't everything but it does matter. When rat and i play paddleball in school it is really no fun when neither of us is motivated, winning isn't enough anymore so we sometimes try to make some sort of bet on the game. But when we are playing doubles with some other people we both play much better because beating the other people is a form of motivation.

as for not apologizing... well i can't say that is completely true, i know that some guys don't (rat's ex for instance still hasn't apologized for a certain incident i had with him but i guess that should be forgotten by this point). Many guys do apologize though, i know i do when i do something stupid, i know my best friend (the original iodine), and i know my brother does as well. as for the ones who do not, i would have to presume that it is because they feel they giveup too much by admiting they were wrong or did something wrong if for a while they were saying they were right. If they do it right away then they usually have no problem doing it. Baisicly they don't want to ever have anyone tell them they were wrong... at least that is my guess

Yeah, apologising is an admission of weakness and we've all been taught that Boys Are Tough and that to admit weakness makes you Less Of A Man. I think that's where the competition thing comes from too.

I have to say that I think I'm pretty good at apologising but it's still hard to do.

Thanks for your concern, GreyRose. I'm glad neither of us got hurt, too. Cars are a lot more fixable than people. The damage to the car could have been a lot worse, too, so I'm counting my blessings.

Speaking of which, I got a call from the mechanic. The repairs are going to cost A$220 or so (about US$2 at the current exchange rate) which isn't too bad. I'm still annoyed at myself for getting suckered into the competition thing and pushing too hard. Only goes to show how powerful societal conditioning can be even when you know it's there.

I know what you mean but I've gotten pretty good about ignoring society's pressure (at least I think I have).

Speaking about society's pressure regarding gender roles; I was looking at Geocities free clip art (to decorate my new web site) and I looked through every single one practically. They had a section with buisness people and every single person they showed was a man except right at the bottom there was a 'typist' and that was a woman. They had a section with cops, and while they had maybe three female cops, they had at least five pics of male cops comforting women. And they had a whole section for women which was all fashion (if you wanna see some funny pictures you should look at the 'model' ones).

I just thought that was weird, especially the buisness ones.

By the way, if any of you guys want to see my new web site, I have a link to it from my page here. It doesn't have really anything on it yet, but hopefully that will be different soon. Sorry for talking about it here, but I'm excited about this. If you go see it, you have to sign my guest book.

Good night everyone!

On the subject of competition, presumably one reason why it's seen to some extent as a stereotypically guy-thing is that a lot of competitive leisure activites are physical, and in general, guys tend to go for physical activities more than women.

To avoid misinterpretation, I'd like to clarify that by stating that I wouldn't expect to find any difference in motivation to win between, for example, male and female 100m runners, but that perhaps the thought of racing (and winning) itself wouldn't be as likely to motivate as many women as men to take up that particular sport in the first place. How much is down to nature, how much to nurture, I wouldn't like to guess.

Additionally, non-competitive physical activites generally aren't great spectator sports, so don't get anything like the same amount of publicity.
I guess that applies to me more than most, in that no-one can watch me do my particular thing unless they're doing it as well, and it gets next to no publicity (unless someone makes a mistake, or gets particularly unlucky).

It was about seven a.m. when you wrote that, wasn't it, GreyRose?

On apologizing: Only if I feel bad about something I did or didn't (and should have known to) do. Never for not conforming to someone's standards.

Sorry about this post.

-jb