h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

"The walk" - the walk that Tony Blair and George Bush have where the elbows are 2 inches further from the body than the hands.

(I'm told this is the 'alpha male' walk)

You mean just like a silver-back gorilla!

Donald

Call centres in TV commercials always have staff that are permanently smiling.

and i know, working in a call center that no one ever ever smiles.....at least i dont.

If you say you hate christmas the words 'bah humbug' will be said by someone within ten seconds. (try it!)

The names of successful assassins spring to mind readily, but failed assasins names are harder to remember. The names Marc Chapman, Lee Harvey Oswald and Jack Ruby spring quickly to mind but I can't remember who fired shots at the Pope, Reagan and Queenie.

Hitchhikers always write their destination request on a bit of old brown cardboard.

A football team struggling to avoid relegation will always pull off one shock result against a top side.

Pet shops smell horrible.

kids will always iritate you with guys on halloween

At a kids' party there will always be one kid behaving ten times worse than any other.

fireworks will always irritate me before bonfire

Had to comment on a few:

>People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
Not just non-drivers - any door closer apart from you!

>Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
Do they still make these??

>Nobody has ever dared to make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
I've tried. Doesn't work - the requisite amount of stirring to make it disolve makes it spill before "soup" is made!


>Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
WWhy the 80s? Don't tell me calculators have proper non-lettery numbers now????

>Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
It's coz the hypotenuse of the sandwich is longer than a straight line across, so psychologically it seems like there's a higher filling to crust ratio!

You never see a rubber duck any colour other than yellow. And also they're not made of rubber!

Celebrity female classical musicians are always photo/telegenic

People who operate the rides at fairgrounds always look miserable and bored

Every boyband has a member who irritates you

Someone will drop the baton in the Olympics relay finals

And is it just me, or do dictators who make thousands/millions of people's lives a misery always reach a ripe old age?

EVERY member in a boyband usually irritates me

The mere concept of boybands annoys me.

dictators do dont they?

A song covered many times gets progressively worse with every cover.

American magicians are creepy

Old people always have noisy clocks

Drizzle leads to drizzle - it never turns into hard rain

A cat will always climb inside an opened paper bag or box

Repairing a bicycle puncture is easy. The hardest part is getting the inner tube and tyre back on the frame.

In the 1980s no variety performance was complete without Bernie Clifton on his ostrich or Michael Barrymore chucking somebody out.

The time between throwing something away that you have kept for ages but never used, and needing it, is approximately 2 weeks

final fantasy VII is the best piece of storytelling ever, unsurpassed by any book movie tv show etc etc


and i love movies and books

I have a black rubber duck.

It also has orange horns, and was given to me by my son (then ten) for Mothers' Day. Probably says somethng about what kind of mother I am!

Getting a little bleed over from the useless facts thread, I think.

I think you're right, however for Spinks' benefit; replacing a bicycle tyre and tube is easier if you pump a little air into the tube first. Assuming one tyre bead is already on the rim, pop the valve through the hole in the rim then tuck the tube into the tyre. There should be just enough air in the tube for it to hold its shape. Start by the valve and reseat the tyre bead into the rim, taking care not to pinch the tube. Work your way round in both directions with your thumbs until, at some point opposite the valve, you can no longer press the bead into place by hand. Use two tyre levers (strong tablespoon handles work well if you don't have tyre levers) at the same time - one to hold the bead in place at one side and the other to work the bead over the rim at the other. Work the levers alternately until the bead is fully seated.

Fact of life: post an innocuous rhetorical question and some smartarse will always come along with an unsolicited answer.

F

Very true...


Here's another bicycle related fact of life: The likely hood of getting a flat tyre on a bicycle is directly proportional to the distance from home or camp.

The rubber that bicycle tyres - and car tyres to some extent - are made from goes soft when it gets wet. How else would you explain the fact that you ony ever get a puncture when it's raining?

F