h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

OK, this is very urgent. A few days ago I woke up with a bad back. Don't ask me how I did it, I have no idea, but I woke up with a horrible fiery pain between my shoulders, muscles all stiff and knotted, and pains shooting up my neck and down my arms. I hurt my back as a teenager playing rugby, and since then I have had a couple of these episodes where a slight movement will somehow set the whole thing off. It usually lasts for two weeks. So far it has been since Tuesday. Tomorrow I had promised to help my Mum do the tea-and-cake-and-light-lunches for a charity art show and she is really relying on me and can't get anyone else. I need to be better by tomorrow. Does anyone, anyone at all, have any sure-fire tips? I've done ice and hot water-bottles and warm baths (not very helpful - the angle my head had to be at hurt like heck) and nurofen and getting my boyfriend to rub it and homeopathy. NHS Direct said it would probably go away by itself, a remark about as helpful, in this case, as telling me the only cure is bungyjumping during a spring equinox.

I'm begging, and frankly, I'm probably stuck down here on my knees until my boyfriend comes home now...

I've found a TENS machine can be helpful with some migraines. My dad speaks highly of using the TENS on a bad back.

What position did you used to play in rugby ... I still play and I had the same thing happen to me in march ... the only way I could solve the problem was through 12 chiropractic visits followed by deep muscle massage ... sounds drastic but I haven't had any trouble since. If you had a bad rugby injury it's almost certainly something that isn't going to ever get better - that was the verdict from the chiropractor I saw ... regular sessions of crunching sorted things out but the muscles had all developed around the injury so didn't like being shuffled around.

I had a couple of stretches that seemed to help though, for what it's worth ... put your hands, one on top of the other and place them at the top and back of your head and pull your head forwards ... the other thing is go to a sports masseur ... worked brilliantly for me it has to be said ...

I know what you're going through though - it's horrid but it is apparently a vaguely common rugby injury ...

Sorry I can't think of any really useful remedies or anything, just the usual "Deep Heat" etc. Just one thing to check (to be sure it is what you think it is) check you haven't got a rash, because Shingles can start with severe pain in your back. That's how it started with me, the doctor recommended I had physio, fortunately I went back to her and she spotted my rash. Well I hope it gets better soon. I'd recommend a chiropractor personally, not awfully quick, but thorough. Also don't worry about your Mum, I'm sure she'll understand and you really sometimes can't avoid injury or illness. In my experience Mum's are very forgiving.

Oh great. On top of everything else I get to be common... .

I never played any particular position in rugby - I was a sort of spare stocky person. I hurt myself playing scrum-half - but I was actually haring up the pitch avec ball and got leapt on by two other strapping lasses, one of whom came in low from the left and got me legs and the other came in from the right rather higher than she had any right to be tackling. I managed to wobble off under my own steam but it was later found I (or rather they) had actually snapped one of the teeny wee struts that hold vertebrae off each other and that particular vertebra had slipped round slightly, squeezing the main nerve going down my right arm.

I had several visits to an osteopath, who eventually managed to haul the vertebra back into position and I got my own arm back, instead of this alien pins-and-needles dropping-things thing, and my back stopped hurting almost at once. Of course since then, it has gone spang from time to time, luckily only once every two or three years.

As for TENS machines and osteopaths, I'm sure they work wonders, but how on earth do I get hold of one in less than 12 hours? After all, being able to help my Mum out is only important to me and my Mum, not to the NHS or anyone else for that matter.

Also I'm skint, as I don't get my first paycheque until the end of October, so I was hoping against hope that there was a cheap home remedy as it were, distilled from the wisdom of the Monks of Wuchang Mountain or something...

I can empathise i have the same things happen to me every few months,in varying degrees, due to a rugby injury. I get stuck and can't move for the shooting pains.

The only relief from these episodes come from ibuprofen, a full course, two tablets, three times a day, for five days.

I tried TENS but that didn't do much.

You've gotta stick to the full course though to have good effect.
Then go and get your back sorted out by a back doctor, like i am always being told to do,because it never goes away.

I've had it for 16 yrs now. I really must try to get to the doctors.

You poor thing.

My doctor was very useless. 'Don't play rugby,' she said. Hah.

The truth is 'official' medicine doesn't have clue how to deal with back pain. If it did, Britain wouldn't lose insert-shockingly-large-number-here-that-I-can't-be-bothered-to-look-up working days a year due to people tottering from loo to bed with oddly rigid spines muttering ouch ouch ouch. So hold out no great hope for the doctor.

Of course, you may be lucky and have clever doctor/amenable back. Wortha try.

I'm feeling very tetchy. Hence display of cynicism.

I had a bad back about ten years ago. I got an ultra hard bed and haven't had problems since. Thinking long term, have you thought about getting a special bed?

The Boyfriend/Partner/We'll Get Married One Day and I brought a new bed only a couple of months ago and - when my back isn't playing silly b***ers - it is supremely comfortable. I can't bear the thought that it might not be good for my back. Tell me it ain't so, Spink.

Mind you it is pretty hard. I think I may need new pillows, as my old one is very very old and kinda lumpy.

Yeah a hard bed does seem to work for a while but you have to be careful not to sleep in the same place all the time as the bed goes soft in your body shape and the pain returns

oh for a punctuation mark

Seriously though, the tablets do work. Generally, within 12 hours.,'

If your matress is too soft, a board under it isn't bad for a quick fix.

Yeah a hard bed does seem to work for a while but you have to be careful not to sleep in the same place all the time as the bed goes soft in your body shape and the pain returns

oh for a punctuation mark

Seriously though, the tablets do work. Generally, within 12 hours.,'

If your matress is too soft, a board under it isn't bad for a quick fix.

Yeah a hard bed does seem to work for a while but you have to be careful not to sleep in the same place all the time as the bed goes soft in your body shape and the pain returns

oh for a punctuation mark

Seriously though, the tablets do work. Generally, within 12 hours.,'

If your matress is too soft, a board under it isn't bad for a quick fix.

Yeah a hard bed does seem to work for a while but you have to be careful not to sleep in the same place all the time as the bed goes soft in your body shape and the pain returns

oh for a punctuation mark

Seriously though, the tablets do work. Generally, within 12 hours.,'

If your matress is too soft, a board under it isn't bad for a quick fix.

SORRY ABOUT THE MULTI-POSTING COMPUTER ON THE BLINK

Thank you everyone for caring - even if my back is still shrieking away the rest of me feels better.

Please bear in mind I am not a medic but I used to work for a charity specialising in back pain and still have all their publications on my mac so I've pulled out some relevant stuff for you... the first aid tips were pretty much what you have tried, but just in case:

Ice then hot water bottle the affected area for no longer than 10 minutes at a time then repeat. This will get the blood circulating and bring down any inflammation. If using ice only, bear in mind that icing for any longer than 10 mins on will make your muscles tense up again making the problem worse so it is best to do it 5 mins on, then 5 mins off for half an hour at a time. Heat alone will not be helpful as it will not bring down the inflammation.

Take ibuprofen with paracetamol - ibuprofen will help relax the muscles, but alone may not dull the pain. You can take both together (just follow the dosage guidelines).

TENs is an excellent pain blocker as someone mentioned earlier - It really can work for back and neck pain (personal experience on this one - I got one from Boots which was excellent and not too expensive).

Gentle stretching exercises are a really good idea. Try some of these, but if they make the pain any worse, or cause any altered sensation/pins and needles etc, stop immediately:

Bring your chin backwards towards the back of your neck so that you feel a gentle stretch upwards through the back of the neck and upper spine. Hold for 10 seconds and release, repeat 10 times.

Lateral neck rotation: Standing, feet hip width apart, slowly rotate your neck to the left, then to the right with a slow deliberate movement. Repeat 10 times on each side.

Upright rowing: Standing with your feet hip width apart, arms at your sides, bring your hands up to just below your chin, at the same time bringing your elbows up as far as possible to the side of the head. Then return your arms to your sides. Breathe in on the way up, out on the way down. Repeat 10 times.

Shrugs: Standing with your feet hip width apart, arms at your sides, raise your shoulders as far as possible and lower slowly and deliberately. Breathe in on the way up, out on the way down.
Repeat 10 times.

If I were you I would see your GP about prescription only pain relief and a referral for physio... a couple of co-dydramol and a few mg of diazepam followed by mobilisation from a decent physio can really work wonders! If the waiting list for physio is likely to take forever ask if there are any decent private physios, osteopaths or chiropractors in your area that he can recommend. The manipulative therapies are really excellent for back pain. If your GP cannot help, try the governing bodies for these professions - the Chartered Society of Physiotherapists, General Osteopathic Council and the General Chiropractic Council who should be able to steer you in the right direction for reputable practitioners in your area (sorry I can't remember their website adresses - but google will find them for you). You could also try the website of the charity I used to work for as they do know their onions! www.backcare.org.uk

And finally... If you get pins and needles in your arms or legs, have any bladder or bowel disfunction of feel generally unwell along with the pain, see a doctor immediately as these are never good signs!

Get well soon

After you do those stretching exersizes try some visualization/relaxation. Start with your toes and work your way slowly up your body. When I do it start by imagining my muscles to be warming up, like a putty that'll become pliable when it's heated. Breathe very deeply and with control, and envision yourself exhaling pain molecules with each breath. I picture hands of healing energy coming and smoothing out the kinks and knots and gently manipulating my muscles to lie down where they're supposed to, and when I'm finally done and relaxed I spend a few minutes concentrating and remembering exactly what that feels like. That way, when you start to tighten up again you can stop and put your mind back in that place for an adjustment. I find that it helps to attach a scent like lavender to the experience so you can carry some of it with you and have a sniff if you need to quickly go back to that mental state.

Dear Mrs,

I've done the stretching exercises you suggested and was able to (slowly and carefully) wash my hair in the shower! Yes! Having clean hair feels so much more civilized. Thank you. I did phone my doctor yesterday and he is extremely reluctant to send me to the physio as apparently the waiting list locally is three weeks and unless what I've got is very serious, in three weeks time I'll be fine again. And if I still ahve a bad back in three week's time? Well, he'll put me on the list and I can lump it for another three weeks, I suppose.

And I've been meandering around backcare.org. It looks very useful.

Mother of God - I'm trying your tip but using the smell of tea! reasoning, I like tea anyway, and so now having a nice cup can be even more genuinely, totally relaxing experience.

And you seriously should try out new pillows; my mom pinched something in her arm once and now she tends to get a sore shoulder/arm/back anytime her pillow even starts to get a bit out of shape or lumpy, so new ones can help a lot.