h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You've put her off, now.

B

Oh no, one does remember the heady days of youth, when one would lower oneself to pee in the bushes... Night-fishing with the then fella if I remember (he fished, I read). I was put off the activity after very nearly treading in a large pat-looking thing - the result of somebody needing more than a pee

I could do it again - if needs be

Women, eh? No sense of adventure.

The girls I used to walk with were terrible. If the route didn't go past a public toilet or a pub, they simply wouldn't come.

As far as I know, no man has ever complained about seeing the occasional naked bum on a hillside.

B

I've never even thought about peeing on the hill being a problem- I wasn't brought up that way.

Queegle, if you can't see where you're pissin' when on Ben Nevis, you've taken too long to climb it

Not quite sure I follow that reasoning...

B

Sorry- the only way you wouldn't able to see where you're squatting would be if it were dark- if you've set out in good time, you should get up and down before it gets dark.

Clear?

Ah. Okey-doke, then.

B

Was that a "right I understand" or a nod and a smile?

No I understand. And sympathise - it's much easier being a man.

B

Quite. No need for you to hang your bare arse out just for a pee. On the other hand, we do tend to have rather better bladder control, and the ability to stop mid-flow, something most blokes never seem to get the hang of.

yes, exactly, I'll remember to go before I get above the 'handy bush' line

Hmmm...stopping mid-flow doesn't disguise the fact that you're squatting semi-naked behind a bush, though.

B

That's not the only circumstance when stoping is useful.

**tries to think of another one**



B

When the phone rings and you just know it's that oh so important call you've been waiting for. Or when some git storms into the cubicle unexpectedly.

I would have thought it was more a reflex than voluntary in the latter instance.

As for the former - well, I wouldn't lay any bets on getting to the phone before it stopped ringing anyway. So what's the point in stopping?

B

Well, in my house the phone is only two rooms away, so I probably would reach it (loo on end of kitchen, phone in dining room)

Ooh - you should never have a loo less than two doors away from a kitchen. Very unhealthy.

You didn't take the phone back in with you and talk to the Very Important Person while you were on the bog, did you?

B

Hey, we didn't design it like that. Most of the terrace houses around here have the bathroom on the end of the kitchen as an extension- they had to be built somewhere, the loos used to be shared huts outside.

No dear, one talks or does whatever needs doing then goes back to finish what one started, so to speak.

Hope they didn't keep you talking for long, then.

B