h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Unfortunately the fog started to merge with my spirit form, making it almost impossible to move.

Fortunatly, at this precise moment, whilst eyeing with suspecion a small malmmel through the fog, that I found the titanium codpiece designed to protect my 'glasgow', so I picked it up and put it back in position...

Unfortunately this appeared to attract small malmmels, which began to cluster about me.

fortunately I had a bag of small malmmel food in my pocket especially for such occasions

Unfortunately, the food had gone off - releasing an alcoholic goo which the malmmels consumed with great appetite, rendering them total party animals who expected me to join in the conga.

Fortunately the conga wound its way out of the fog onto a sunlit hilltop where I could get my bearings.

Unfortunatly, it was about this point in time, when I abscent mindly, pressed the button on the titanium codpiece which activated my rocket boots, sending me quite some distance from those events thus far, ending up outside the front door of a local house, which was regarded with distaste by most* locals, and which opened unexpectidly on my arrival...

Fortunately.....the person opening the door was someone I knew. It was my Auntie George. And that's a different and very complicated story. "Come away in" she said, "I'm just entertaining some of my old friends from the SAS"

Unfortunately the only refreshment she was offereing was strong black tea.

Fortunatly she was renowned for her amazing eccles cakes, and those that were availible were no exception to this rule.

Unfortunately as I chomped away, I bit on something hard and broke my tooth.

Fortunately, the beautiful pastry shop owners' wife (mentioned previously) had turned up, attracted by the reputation of Anutie Georges Eccles cakes. She seemed pleased to see me. Things were, once again, looking up!!

Unfortunatly, i was drawn into a conversation with a bunch of the SAS men, who told me frightening and potentially cream-cake-distructive news...

Fortunately a bit of fluff in my ear made their conversation unintelligble, so I was able to give my full attention to the pastry cook's wife.

Unfortunately, she was enamoured with one of the SAS guys who was far more confident and worldly wise than I and had a penchant for humourous and exciting stories of adventure...

Fortunately Auntie George took me aside and thrust a fat envelope into my hand saying "There's something for you if you would just do a little job for me"

Unfortunately, the envelope only contained left-over Christmas cards, and I accepted at once, thinking, quite reasonably, that I had been offered money.

Fortunatly the job in question was rather easy for me to perform, so I didn't mind too much, and moved closer to the alluring lady in question...

Unfortunately, she hitched up her mini-dress, admitedly there wasn't a lot left to hitch up, and sat astride the charming SAS man, allowing him to rest his hands on her perfect thighs... I was now indeed, not happy...

Fortunatly at that moment the SAS man vanished, and I caught the falling pastry lady, as she fell through the once-SAS-man occupied space.