h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Fortunately, my Ukelally did contain a script attached with words in an olde language which looked suspiciously like directions..

Unfortunately, they were just directions on how to get home, as I frequently get very drunk when I take part in George Formby play-alike competitions.

Unfortunately, after following the directions, and refilling my rocket boots with fresh fuel en-route, i did, eventually, and by a strange set of events which may very well form the basis of the second volume of my biogrophy, come, at last to my own front door, in west kensington, my flat, which I hadn't visited for some time, so I went in.

Fortunately, the simulpost led to pretty much the same conlusion so I did not have to fret over which one to follow... I made my way to my living room..

Unfortunately, I had forgotten to pay a long-standing debt, so most of the furniture in my living room had been removed.

Fortunately, the floorboards had recently received a good sanding and were quite comfortable

Unfortunately, the bailiffs had prised up most of the floorboards to check that I had no hidden items of value underneath them. They were now piled neatlt to one side of the room.

Fortunately, my loan 'Harry the Hamster' novelty tea mug had gone unnoticed by the bailiffs and I decided to make a cup of tea.....




















with the kettle they had also forgotten... (before you do the obvious)

Unfortunately, the only teabags left were for some novelty fruit tea that I had brought back from a holiday and couldn't bring myself to try.

Fortunately, parched as I was, there was still some coke in a bottle under the stairs..

Unfortunately, it was several weeks old and totally flat.

Fortunately, this didn't bother me at all...

Unfortunately, it did bother my friend who arrived at that precise moment. He declined when I offered him a glass of it.

Fortunately, there not being much left, this played out to my advantage..

Unfortunetly my friend reminded me of the shop next door, and I was forced to spend an obscene amount of money on beer, fresh coffee tea milk and coke, to satisfy his and my own thurst, we made tea, using the newly purchased tea and tea pot, and the set of tea cups we had also purchased.

Fortunetely, as I'd spent the money, my friend, who was called Jim, but prefered to be addressed as Sir Cornelius Obstinate the III Jr, offered to prepare the refreshments and also offered the loan of some spare furniture he kept in his allotment shed..

Unfortunately, Sir Cornelius Obstinate the III Jr, had lost the key to his allotment shed, so, recharging our titanium codpieces, and ensuring our rocket boots were charged with sufficient fuel, and grabbing a few prepacked sandwiches for the journey, we set off to junction 15, to attempt to locate the key, obtain a large aubergine, and paint a small windmill white.

Fortunately, this story was now going somewhere again after the somewhat less than brief refreshment interlude...

Unfortunately, that somewhere was straight downhill...

Fortunately that was the direction of the local allotments, where I was able to select a perfect aubergine.