h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Motorists who are a resonable distance away when I decide to start crossing without pressing the button, but put their foot down as soon as I've stepped off the kerb.

I might have made a rude gesture at just such a person this morning.

Demanding the Right of Weight. ng h**l - when I see granny I can ing well slow down for her to stumble over. And when she can see there are fifty cars behind me she ought to understand why I can´t.

Pit, has somebody made you really angry today or something?

Nope. I´m a constantly grumpy gramps. How you?

Yeah, seems pretty much situation normal on Planet Pit! Hmm, maybe he should start his own Pitty Hates thread.


Anyhoo, back to me. Office fridge politics. I cleared out ours before the Christmas hols, and now have a load of grumpy staff complaining that I threw out their half empty water bottles which had been there for over 6 months

Cue loads of "Do not throw this out!" sticky labels on this year's yoghurt crop.

>>Office fridge politics.

Office Fridges can be politicians?

Nope. But politicians can have the IQ of yoghurt.

If you aren't already aware of it the Passive-Aggressive Notes is a great place to see what happens when office fridge politics are taken too far.

When I go shopping with a list and forget ONE THING. In this instance, I have milk but no sugar. I want tea but I don’t drink it unsweetened, and I'm not going outside again, the weather’s bad.

I constantly try to reassure myself that if I only need to buy 5 things from the supermarket, I can memorise it.

Yeah, as if ever... if I'm lucky, I get 4 of them and then something completely different from what I had planned.

And do you know what that 5th item usually is?

Toilet paper.

Not to worry; you can always wipe your bum with that "£5 down to 50p; you'd be mad not to buy at this price!" rubbish you bought in the 'still fresh!' section, but didn't need.

Cucumbers?

*slaps Pit relly hard with a cucumber, while still happy to come across him again*

>>When I go shopping with a list and forget ONE THING.

That the shops are closed?

There's a plastic bag sitting on the microwave. I looked inside. It contains an opened jar of peanut butter. Best before date is May 2010.

Should I ask around the office to see if anyone owns/ wants it? Or can you suggest a suitable passive-aggressive note (or email) that I could attach?

Or should I really stop letting these wee things annoy me and get on with my work?

Just put a note on it that says "free to a good home - caution, may have developed sentience"

Meaningless best before dates. I often suspect that it is 'best' for the manufacturer that you use whatever it is by that date (or throw it away) and go out and buy more.

I would be quite happy to eat peanut butter with that best by date. Mrs PP would make faces and expect me to be dead by the morning.

(If the peanut butter in the bag has been there for some time, it has probably been abandoned - chuck it. If it has been there a short time, it could be mine and I might be about to eat it).

PP

Our office fridge is pretty bad, and if I'm going to clean it, I stick up a big notice the day before and tell people to check their stuff. Then I empty it out and stand everything on the surface in the kitchen. What's not named and past its sell-by date gets thrown out at that stage. Everyone has to replace their own food and what's left in the evening just gets chucked away. They get plenty of warning.

The big problem is the tupperware in the corner. It comes out of the dishwasher and then no one picks it up to take it home again. I'm thinking of auctioning it off. With a big warning sign announcing it in advance, of course, to give people a chance to rescue their stuff first.

'Best before' dates do mean literally that... it is the earliest date when the food should be reasonably expected to start degrading. Unlike 'use by' dates most food is still edible after the best before date, but it certainly won't be as nice as it was before that date, especially if that date was nearly two years ago.

The fact people think they'll get sick if they eat something after the best before date is ignorance in their part rather than deception by a manufacturer.

PH: factual TV shows inappropriately presented as mysteries. It's not so bad with archaeological programmes, a bit of mystery might fit the theme, but why do it on the news? "Coming up; find out why this man needed 12 whole cheeses for Easter" . I want the news to tell me stuff, not tease me.