h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Do you guys think that it is possible for men and women to be just friends, or will love and sex ultimately get in the way? I don't mean friends in the way as someone who doesn't fancy the other person will go "Can't we just be friends?", that's a different thing. But could you have a friendship with a person of the opposite sex without physical attraction or jealousy destroying it?

In short, yes.

But its much more complicated than that of course. I have female friends, including some that are going out with male friends, that I would be a little attracted to if I'm totally honest with myself. But you set boundaries.

In my opinion, if there is a girl you get on really well with, and find physically attractive, then the relationship will never be 100% platonic, even though nothing will never happen.

>even though nothing will never happen.<

even though nothing will ever happen.

I would say definetly, but of course that is from personal experience.

I'd be interested in why you ask the question. Yes I know your looking for peoples thoughts but what made you ask it in the first place?

Of course you can. I have plenty of female friends, some of whom I fancy, some I don't, but I don't let that get in the way of being friends with them. Don't forget, there'a (almost) always more to a relationship than sexual attraction, it's the subtle (and shifting) blend of things that makes relationships so varied.

Friends of the opposite sex are good rebound fodder.

Of course, you may end up regretting it, but then you just make more friends.

I've very good friends with a female and there is nothing between us

I am physically attracted to some of my same-sex friends, though I am a heterosexual. I think physical attraction is just a part of a really close friendship.

I wouldn't act on it though, apart from the occassional hug or dance.

I think it's perfectly possible for men and women to be friends. Most of my closest, and infact, least complicated friendships have been with men, both gay and straight.
There was only one instance of a friendship I had with a guy going sour, and that was because his girlfriend couldn't handle our friendship.

The only time such a friendship can be destroyed is if any feelings beyond friendship get loose and the other person doesn't like it. It's perfectly normal to find a friend of the opposite (or, indeed the same) gender attractive, but that doesn't mean you should act on it.

"But could you have a friendship with a person of the opposite sex without physical attraction or jealousy destroying it"

Well, yeah, of course you can. Otherwise bisexual people would be stuck as Billy no-mates.

Of course!
Why not? Very funny, weird question i think!

I think it's a very interesting question. Like most people who've posted so far, I think the answer is 'yes', but with a whole heap of qualifications.

Your friendships always have a sexual dimension, I suspect, whether you're aware of it or not.

>>It's perfectly normal to find a friend of the opposite (or, indeed the same) gender attractive, but that doesn't mean you should act on it.<<

Quite right - but where do you draw the line between not acting on it (it's something minor you can easily dismiss) and actually repressing it (it doesn't tally with your concept of friendship to acknowledge its existence ... so you don't, with the usual consequences)?

That's a good question Trin...

I think it's basically the difference between "I wouldn't say no to a quick bunk up if the chance was there" and "I've fallen in love but can't do anything about it". The first is a merely nice thought that can keep you warm of a night, but the second can make things really uncomfortable especially if one or both of you is in a relationship.

My daughters friend has moved in with us as he has nowhere else to go, and they are good friends, but he is gay and she knows this, but as they are living under the same roof now, she treats him more like a boyfriend now as opposed to just mates and it is annoying him.

Plus its putting a weird atmosphere in the house, she is like a love sick kid and not an 18 year old

<<"Your friendships always have a sexual dimension, I suspect, whether you're aware of it or not".>>

Strange comment. If neither of you feels an attraction to the other, which must surely be true for the majority of friendships, where on Earth would this come from?

The question forms the central premise of the film "When Harry Met Sally", where a man and a woman become friends, then years later have sex. Things become awkward for a while but a Hollywood ending ensues.

A fuller version of the question it asks is: can a man be friends with a woman without there being any reasonable circumstances in which they would end up haing sex? I'd say the friends have to be single to avoid complications, but it's still a yes from me.

Of course the major grey area is 'f**k buddies'; people who are friends and have sex (with no emotional attachment) but don't ever form a proper relationship and often continue in this vein when one or both is in a long-term relationship.

I've never seen an instance of 'f**k buddies' actually working though. One person inevitably gets more attached for the other, resulting in loss of f**king, and loss of friendship.

>>Strange comment. If neither of you feels an attraction to the other, which must surely be true for the majority of friendships, where on Earth would this come from?<<

Just because the possibility is always there (personally, I don't find that 'attraction' is something set in stone for all time and it can shift over into *ahem* 'chance of a bunk-up' territory quite quickly).

As for the idea that, in the majority of friendships, there is no sexual attraction - that's another interesting one. I mean, I'm not sure if it's true or not - shouldn't it be irrelevant? - but it does refine the question: can men and women be friends if they *do* find each other attractive? Do we select our friends on the basis of having ruled them out of playing a different role instead (because, if that were the case, it would be saying something fairly unpalatable about 'friendship', I'd suggest)?

I'm going to go out on a bit of a limb here, because there seems to me to be an interesting historical shift in all of this. In previous eras, the dominant culture has habitually romanticised love and sexuality - platonic love, Victorian notions of chastity and so on - while automatically assuming that genuinely close friendships can only really exist between men and other men and women and other women, friendships between the sexes being somehow 'improper' (if only on the basis of all those things they shouldn't talk to each other about, sex being number one).

Whereas the dominant culture in this age seems to be becoming more and more pragmatic about the sexual side of things ('f**k buddies' being an excellent example)... but with a corresponding tendency to romanticise friendship instead.

"Citizen X is my friend because we 'connect' (spiritually, even) and any suggestion that there may be a sexual level to it, or any more mundane reason why we associate with each other (shared class, background, economic circumstances, etc.), somehow 'taints' or even ruins it."