h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I wonder if I ought to put some of that neon glue stuff round the seat for late homecomers to use as runway lights.

(I have two sons who come home late and tipsy now, so this might be an imperative. And I'm not daft, I'll put it on the *inside* of the rim, not on the top, so I don't sit in it)

I don't do it so much now, but when we had kittens, we always hung it up towards the wall. That way the cats can't spin the roll with their paws.

What mystified me is that the cats were always able to get it into the water in the bowl as well.

being an australian...

>I would not recommend performing a courtesy flush* while seated on one of these

what? are you mad? flush a toilet while sitting on it? Thats one I've never heard before

Has anyone else come across the holders in public toilets which only allow you to take one piece of toilet paper at a time? It is a most frustrating experience...

I'm amazed that no-one has yet quoted one of my favorites from DNA and John Lloyd Deeper Meaning of Liff:

Riber (n.) The barely soiled sheet of toilet paper which signals the end of th bottom-wiping process

© DNA and john Lloyd 1990 and as DNA stated on the on-line talk Available in all good bookshops, other titles are also available.

CH

Does anyone remember IZAL toilet paper. It was hard and transparent, like tracing paper, not tissue. It smelt of disinfectant and came in sheets. It was normally used in public toilets, apparently as a deterrent, because it was totally ineffective when it came to wiping.

Ah yes Izal. It always reminds me of the smell of my Grandmother's toilet when I was a kid. Usless stuff wasn't it, it just skidded off of your bum!

Some years ago I took a group of people with learning difficulties to france. Peter, the guy with a caliper and old fashioned surgical boot needed to go to the toilet. We negotiated our way into the "Elephant's footprint" toilet and all was well until Pete slipped and his foot, surgical boot and all became jammed in the hole. I don't remember exactly how I got him out but I am sure it was most unpleasant.

On the way back from our trip another guy, Paul, wanted to go to the toilet so we stopped at a bar in a large town and I accompanied him to the toilet. When we came out (sic) of the toilets again I realised that we were in a gay bar........ Now I am not homophobic but I was rather embarassed.

BTW. I would like to thank Peregrin-Tragenbarett for starting this thread. I am sure that he never imagined the rich tapestry of toilet habits that would be revealled by that simple question. And to think that my wife described the usual topics of discussion here as a load of crap. If only she knew!

I also have cats, and for awhile tried rolling under (towards the wall) rather than my personal favorite (over towards the toilet). Unfortunately, my cat has enough manual dexterity that this doesn't stop her any -- and unfortunately, she can shred an entire roll in less than 2 minutes. For awhile I tried putting a piece of curved cardboard (acutally a cut open TP tube) over the TP, but she also figured out how to get that off.

I now leave the TP on the floor with a box over it. I also buy the smaller rolls, as it is less to clean up if she does manage to get to it.

*sigh*
Mikey

Mikey, if it's any consilation, you're not the only one. I now have a small cupboard next to the loo to hide the loo roll in. I also have to hide tissues, kitchen towels, or anything else vaguely rippable.

*sigh*

Izal - toilet paper - I think not. It was smear paper .....

Going back a few posts, someone asked how does the jug of water get used? I too am interested for detailed explanation of this alternative rectum cleansing method. Anyone? Anyone?

We had these provided in the hospital after birth. We just had to pour them over our very delicate delicate parts and pat dry with tissue for a wash.

A question for the men: just curious to know how you clean yourself, if at all, after using a urinal.

We just wash our hands. The... other part involved is purpose designed to stay clean and dry

Cut the carp (you do like fish, don't you). Clean my a**e (excuse the vulgar pun).

I don't think men are very clean down there at all (my research has been minimal, I admit). And one of my colleagues likes nothing more than to denounce any establishment that has urinals which, in his words, "spray you back"!

Urinals are designed for speed. Two shakes of a lamb's tail and your out again.

I guess that's why you don't have the queues.

Okay, another age-old question: Why do women always go to the toilet in twos?

I once noticed a colleague visit the urinal, then the hot air hand dryer and leave the toilets. Failed to visit the wash basin in between. Have often worried about that.

of course if all there is no loo roll you just call for the nearest puppy

Sue, is that how your cat ended up in the loo (for the rest of you this was mentioned in a pre-rupert forum - I believe about doing two things at once)

CHawke