h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I spoke to a lady on the phone yesterday, and when I asked her to repeat her name, she said "Grimaldi" . I said "No relation..?"

She said she was. At which I commiserated with her for having to do some tedious office job and hung up.

Excuse my ignorance but who was the original Grimaldi?

The hereditary rulers of Monaco, I assume.

OK, here are my tenuous connections...

(i) My dad used to work for Granada TV and had a mate who also worked there in Manchester. Once he came to stay with us and his wife took myself and my sister down to the local supermarket. We were rather confused and surprised when she proceeded to get mobbed by lots of autograph hunters. One said 'is it you in Coronation Street?' and she replied, 'Yes.'
We had no idea as we didn't watch it. She was called Cheryl IRL (I think her surname was Murray). This was probably twenty years ago now so she's long gone from it.

(ii) Derek Fowlds' (Bernard in Yes Minister, now in Heartbeat) brother lives down my old street in Bedford where I grew up.

huh?

See my space..but if you can't be arsed, I am related to Eddie Izzard. My sister was researching our family tree and found this out. We share a great-great-grandmother, or something.

Ooh ooh ooh - just remembered another one!

*deep breath*... one of my little brother's friend's dad's cousins was Porkins in Star Wars.

Huzzah!

Monty - does Eddie Izzard realise you're related to him? (He might speak to you and then you wouldn't be bored)

My Mum and her neighbour Mrs Ridgely use to babysit for one anothers kids. Mrs Ridgley's son Andrew grew up to be one (the untalented) half of the popular 1980's beat combo Wham.

I don't think Eddie realises I exist, and if he did I don't think he'd be that impressed

Just realised a few more.

I know a few people in Brum (where I live) who used to know Duran Duran before they were famous.

I've met the sister of the guy who was lead singer in 'The Beat' a rather obscure 80's ska band.

My girlfriend was a guest on This is Your Life a couple of years back (she wasn't allowed on as she got to in the reception beforehand). It was for Frank Skinner. Apparently he's a nice bloke, Nick Hancock is exceptionally short and has 'little man syndrome' according to her (loud and agressive I take that to mean). And apparently Jonathon Woss is a bit of a tosser. I think her brother or sister or something knew Frank Skinner before he was famous.

I went to school with Tim Foster who won a gold medal in the last Olympics in the coxless four rowing. Furthermore, I was also in the same year at university as Mathew Pinsent and the year below Johnny Searle - both also rowing gold medalists for us.
Tim Foster's parents are actually friends of the family.

Why hasn't any of this rubbed off on me?

I've just remembered a couple more, too. When I was a kid I saw Ronnie Corbett on the seafront at Bexhill-on-Sea (my home town). I went up to him and said "'scuse me, aren't you Ronnie Corbett?" (silly question but I was twelve). He said "No I'm not, I just look like him. Go away", or words to that effect. Me and my mates followed him on our bikes - he drove a peculiar red and silver Citroen.

Desmond Llewellyn, who played "Q" in the Bond films, lived in Bexhill. When I was a kid, me and a mate knocked on his door and told him we were doing a school project about James Bond (a lie). He showed us all the guns and gadgets and what not. I was surprised that in fact, he knew less about guns than I did.

Is this tenuous enough?

The lawn in my back garden apparently has a bit of turf from the pitch at Wembley stadium growing in it somewhere. (Some naughty Scotland fan dug it up and brought it here after a rare victory of the English).

So everytime I go to cut the grass or hang out the washing, I may be treading the hallowed turf of Wembley and following in the footsteps of the likes of Charlton, Moore, Beckenbaeur, Law, Baxter, Best etc.

That should have been a victory "over" the English. There haven't been too many of them so I must have been getting over excited at the memory of it, causing the typing to go agley.

I had breakfast at the same table as Bjork in a hotel in Liverpool. She spent most of the time kicking up a fuss that they had no honey for her little son's toast.

Oh and in the same hotel I shared a lift with Jeremy Beadle. He's rather grumpy looking when in RL and not on some stupid TV show.

Probably the most tenuous one yet...

Several months ago, I happened to be driving in Santa Barbara, California, visiting a friend, when I happened to end up behind a shiny black car with "H2G2" as its license plate. I only saw the driver from the back, but it was a fiftyish white man with short grey hair.

I thought, "Nah, it couldn't be. Even if it were, what in the world would HE be doing in Santa Barbara?"

And then some time later I find out that DNA passed away in his home in Santa Barbara....

Wampus

I was once on the Des O'Connor show - not in the same studio as Des, thank Deity of your choice, but even so, I was there among about 40 other kids from my school.

My school headmaster used to teach Ian Rush

I once walked past Mick Hucknall from Simply Red in Carnaby Street without realising who he was (he'd got a hat on)

My friends' band come from Portishead, where Portishead come from, and they were at school together. They (Airbus) recorded the deconstructed version of Sour Times that's the 5th track on the cd single of the same name.

How did you know it was Mick Hucknall then? And I remember someone somewhere on H2G2 who claimed he went to school with same MH.

Sometimes it takes you a while before you realize who the guy that just walked past you were. I suppose that´s how it was here.

Maybe the one with DNA is the most tenuous, but I´d say it is also the one to be most proud of. If it had been me I would have put a sign saying "I love h2g2" in my window and rolled up besides him

How did I know it was Mick Hucknall when I didn't realise? OK, think back about 9 years, he had his big hair still, but also had a thing for wearing a big grey cloth bakerboy hat with it all in. Me & my friend were shopping & star spotting in & around Carnaby Street (doing badly) when this shortish bloke with a big grey hat & a bit of ginger hair sticking out of it walks past us going up the street towards Oxford Street & that (remember the Smash Hits offices are at the far end of Carnaby Street)

About twenty seconds later, my friend & I look at each other go both go, "Hang on, wasn't that..." scream, & turn around, but he'd disappeared into the crowd or the Body Shop.