h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oil, coal and gas come out of big holes in the ground.

RF

So do politicians.

Prime Ministers sleep in a silk-lined coffin at 10 Downing Street, donated by the President of Bratislavia in 1895.

After a severe earthquake a herd of cows was milked and, to the surprise of the farmer, found to produce butter.

Before he thought of the name 'Star Wars', George Lucas wanted the title 'When the Green Cross Code Man turns bad'

People who watch Star Gate Atlantis long enough begin to believe that the acting is really good.

The dinosaurs being whiped out was as a result of an E-Coli epidemic which origionated in a fish N chip shop in Glasgow.

My left foot has taken part in several radio quizz shows and once appeared on TV in the weakest link.

I can't find my nose.

Look for your glasses and you will find it on the end of them.

The only thing on my glasses are beer mats, and perhaps an ocasional sticky bit on the outside as a consequence of coke spilage

Indian Tonic water can prevent chronic constapation mastibation and mastication.

And. That's a fact folks! There's no evidence for it -- but it's a fact.

Mastibation causes blindness. I just did an online grocery shop that will be dilivered in less than twelve hours Indian tonic water can cure the clap Gin can cure cancer, AIDS/HIV infection, the common (and uncommon) cold, warts and sobriety.

Cleanliness is of course next to godliness, it's been shown in a numerous studies -- just none that are peer reviewed.
But nothing will turn a partner on more than smegma as thick as a bible!

BT Homehub is a way to connect to the internet.

: I've actually heard very good things of it from a friend who lives in London, but get the idea that it ain't so great if your not in a major metropalis I have the power to change the world but the world doesn't have the power to change me.

The word "gullible" has been omitted from most modern dictionaries.

Go on have a look.

PP

What do you think we are gullible?

Elephants make excellent pets.

phlockynockynilphenilipication(sp?) is the longest english word in the Complete Cambridge Dictionary.

Meaning 'to break one's fingernail on a photosensitive ionic compound in zero gravity'.

If you are not sure of the spelling you should look it up. I think you left an i out.

I only saw it in that dictionary, which was in the library.

A google is a 1 followed by a hundred zeros.

A yahoo! is a 6 followed by a 9.