h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Yep, but don't sweat it, this is one of those threads!

One liner: Would you like a drink? I was going to buy myself one, but I'm already intoxicated by your beauty.

Flipside: I was going to buy you a drink but, now I can see you close up, I think *I* need another.

The most pathetic I've ever heard was a little over four years ago and it went as follows.

Some 19 year old guy: Hey you in the black pants!
My friend: Who? (We were both wearing black pants.)
The Guy: The other one. How old are you?
Me: 15
The Guy: *disappointed*Oh...... Well, can I have your number?
Me: No.

Now a days people just honk or yell things.

>>What would you say to a little buck?*<<

The response to this one is...

'Hello, you little buck*'

My favourite line was uttered by a mate in a stinking pub in that pit of despair that calls itself Blackpool.

A group of us males were sitting around a table, one lunchtime, nursing sore heads from a rather hedonistic night before. Beside us on the next table were a school of wailing hen party girls, all fairy wings and false bon-homie. They'd tried unsuccesfully to engage us in conversation, then tried flirting laddishly.......no dice. (Due mainly to our hangovers, but partly from the fact that their Northern screeching voices were like fingernails down a blackboard to our refined Southern ears). Finally they resorted to abuse, and called into question our sexual orientation, and the size of our manhoods. My mate waited for a moment when they were otherwise engaged (drinking lighter fuel or something) and shouted;

"OI, Sugar"

One of the harpies turned round

"Not you.........the other lump"

Pure class, and quite improved our mood.

For the extremely impatient:

A guy takes the ice out of whatever concoction he has in his hand. He throws it to the floor infront of the male/female of his choice.
"I've broken the ice, now grab your coat and come to my place"

Air how could you all

Would you like to have s*x?

No?

Would you mind lying down while I do?

Would you like to dance?

Oh yes!

Grand job, i'll have your chair til you get back then.

Did you bang you head when you fell from heaven

or

Would you like to have my babies rofl>