h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes.


and


A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.


both by Emo Philips

"I told my girlfriend that I thought she looked sexy with black fingernails. It didn't help, she just thought I deliberately shut her fingers in the car door."

Emo Phillips (again)

"Genetic engineering was created to fix gods mistakes for example German people"

"at first you don't succeed then skydiving isn't for you"

"if you can't fix your car brakes make your horn louder"

"i don't smoke or drink s*#t i left my fags at the pub"

"Careful when people say that there is always light at the end of the tunnel, it might be another train coming."

"don't drink and drive you might spill your beer"

"I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on ebay."

I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.

"I did my homework! I just forgot to write it down."

OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO

Hi Evilpinkbunny, do you know what "flooding" means?

RF

Do you think I should take offence at post # 143 ?

No.

RF

thank you, it's good to know you can rely on friends

You're welcome!

If you're offended by it, it. Is it offensive? I think not. People insult the English people, Scottish people, Irish people, and Welsh people - all groups I can claim membership of - every day.

RF

No, I'm not offended by it, it's a joke, and a good one.

"I met her at Macy’s. She was shopping... I was putting Slinkies on the escalator."

Steven Wright

A cutout notice in a N*tW*st bank in the 70's....

" To err is human, to really F@@k it up requires a computer!!!"

profanity filter. folks. best way I could it *