h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

What would you do if I sang out of tune
about the spooning underneath a full moon?
What would you do if could make things better
by painting the town red when wearing a sweater?
What would you do if I could cool down the oceans
by pouring into the seas my special potions?
What would you do if I could refreeze the sea ice
by putting into action the lessons I learned from a sage's advice.
What would you do I could make the sea ice 4 miles deep
in the Arctic and in the Antarctic and to quadruple it's length.
What would you do if I could make it easy to fall soundly asleep
by getting tuned into a special wavelength and to achieve inner strength?

Would you join with me in my noble mission?
Would you help me improve my ability of precognition?
Would you join with me and take a trek to the Wansbeck
and go and sit down on garden's patio deck?
Would you join with me in my quest to tame the Atlantic West
where the jet-stream meanders and comes as an unwelcome guest?
What would you do if I completely destroyed the polar vortex.
It's the beastly jet-stream that is always intruding in our space.
It always comes with its uncontrolled fury that it loves to flex
and destroy all chances of cold weather which is a total disgrace.
It is the annual bane of those living in Ireland and Britain
where winter brings nothing but floods that the forecasters have written.

What would you do if I sang out of tune
about the spooning underneath a full moon?
What would you do if could make things better
by painting the town red when wearing a sweater?
What would you do if I could cool down the oceans
by pouring into the seas my special potions?
What would you do if I could refreeze the sea ice
by putting into action the lessons I learned from a sage's advice.
What would you do if I could make the sea ice 4 miles deep
in the Arctic and in the Antarctic and to quadruple it's length.
What would you do if I could make it easy to fall soundly asleep
by getting tuned into a special wavelength that leads to inner strength?

Would you join with me in my noble mission?
Would you help me improve my ability of precognition?
Would you join with me and take a trek to the Wansbeck
and go and sit down on my garden's patio deck?
Would you join with me in my quest to tame the Atlantic West
where the jet-stream meanders and comes as an unwelcome guest?
What would you do if I completely destroyed the polar vortex?
It's creates the beastly jet-stream that's always invading our space.
It always comes with its uncontrolled fury that it loves to flex
and destroy all our chances of cold weather which is a total disgrace.
It is the annual bane of those living in Ireland and Britain
where winter brings nothing but floods that the forecasters have written.

Look deep within and what do you see?
Do you see your hopes and dreams?
Does it fill you with sorrow or glee?
Do you divide them into different themes?

When do you have time to reflect?
Do you take time to wonder at the fauna and flora?
Does it fill you with awe and respect?
Do you watch the beauty and the splendour of the aurora?

Listen to the song of the morning blackbird.
Watch the sunrise and the sunset.
Hearts and spirits will then become stirred
when the music is played by a quartette in a theatre vignette.

Ton* likes to moan
to Joan about his new phone.
It made her groan
as she sat on the throne.
Ton has got a new clone
that can play the trombone
as well as produce a cyclone
and a foehn over Cologne.

Ton* pronounced as Tone,
Ton is short for Tony.

I like this poem. I am going to publish it in the h2g2 Post on 23 November.

Sorry - confused by Pliny - I meant the first poem.

Thank you Dmitri

It will be an anticyclonic November,
with above heights centred over to the East.
So it will be a good time to remember
that the high pressure could give us a frost feast.
The jet-streamed will be pushed North
where there will be a quite a strong high pressure sign.
There will be times when cold winds will come back and forth
where they will be fine days that will end at compline.
The high pressure ridge will be moving Northwards.
It will move again till it is placed over the Azores
that will worry weather forum users of conversation boards
as they go outdoors on all fours when overcome with the vapours.
If the high pressure ridge keeps on moving to Scandinavia
as it cools down it will bring Easterlies that brings colder weather.
There will be hopes that it will get a lot colder than Moldova
as snow will be falling like feathers as cold weather lovers blether.

[I admire you energy and industry]

[Thank you Paul and Dmitri for your kind compliments]


I do not know which way to go?
Should I travel up North?
Is it where the North winds blow?
Will it be best to travel on the fourth?

I am trying to find the best place
where there is a chance for snow.
Scottish culture I would love to embrace
and watch the native wildlife show.

My heart is set on the Cairngorms
where there a large forest.
It's natural beauty comes in different forms
and those who live there are truly blessed.

[You should talk to Paigetheoracle, he lives in northern Scotland now.]

[Thank you Dmitri, I have sent him a message.]


Maude said to Claude have you been abroad?
Did you go and collect your weather lore award?

Maude said to Claude have you been abroad?
Did you go and collect your weather lore award?
Claude said to Maude I found my own horde
complete with a gourd hidden in a hole next to a fjord.
Maude said to Claude did your financial reward?
Yes along an award to be made a Scottish Lord.
Maude said to Claude have you got the Gryffindor sword?
Yes, even though I am a Slytherin who's truly adored!

Maude said to Claude have you been abroad?
Did you go and collect your weather lore award?
Claude said to Maude I found my own horde
complete with a gourd hidden in a hole next to the fjord.
Maude said to Claude did you receive your financial reward?
Yes along with the weather award and the title of Scottish Lord.
Maude said to Claude have you got the Gryffindor sword?
Yes, even though I am a Slytherin who's truly adored!

The derelict abandoned multi car park
that has a hidden mysterious lift.
It would only appear when it's dark
as well as the appearance of starling or swift
and at the break of dawn or when it rains.
The lift went down for a least four miles
or anyone who drinks champagne or builds model trains
and those who use their charm and their wiles.
There is an underground futuristic eco-city
where there are loch isles and countryside gate stiles
found by erstwhile friends who have big smiles.
It led to a rural seaside village which was very quaint.
It is very picturesque and very traditional and pretty
which leads to a mountainside town that was named after a saint.
It had hotels which kept names of people who will be staying
who are those who have accidentally found the place.
They would be surprised by the snow and with the sleighing
where would find their perfect place to their quiet space.
The abandoned multi car park would keep on moving
and would only appear to those who need it most.
It is a way of escaping to a new world which is always improving
where they will by the coast or where it has a snow post.

The derelict abandoned multi car park
that has a hidden mysterious lift.
It would only appear when it's dark
as well as the appearance of starling or swift.
It also appears at the break of dawn or when it rains
or anyone who drinks champagne or builds model trains
and those who use their charm and their wiles.
The lift went down for a least four miles
where there lies an underground futuristic eco-city
where this world has loch isles and countryside gate stiles
which is found by erstwhile friends who have big smiles.
It leads to a rural seaside village which was very quaint
which is very picturesque and very traditional and pretty.
It leads to a mountainside town that was named after a saint.
The hotels keep a record of names of people who could be staying
and those who have accidentally found the place.
They would be surprised by the snow and with the sleighing
where they find their perfect place to their perfect quiet space.
The abandoned multi car park would keep on moving
and would only appear to those who need it most.
It is a way of escaping to a new world which is always improving
which is by the coast and the mountainside where it has a snow post.

Very mysterious. I like this phantom car park.

Thank you Dmitri, it was inspired by a dream that I had.

Ooh, dream! I have a short story coming up in next week's Post that was a dream, too. Must be a lot of that going around. Wishing you good sleeps.