h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Sign on the dotted line...

Captain Venom
-----------------------

Mystrunner, Patron Saint Of Assassins, Lord Captain Commander Of The Knights Of h2g2.


I would be proud to add my services to this noble venture.

Welcome aboard, Myst. If you'd be so kind as to hold still... *recalibrate's Myst's neural lace terminal pill for the ABM systems*

Thanks kindly.

*CV walks up to the board and posts a small scrap of paper on it* This is from Axe, and he asked that you all be notified of his POV. Here it is, if you wish to read it:

This is Operative Storm of the h2g2 Mercenaries. I have tasked myself with showing any potential joiners of this orginization both sides of the story.

Captain Venom, my former employer, my former friend, has declared war upon the Borg. The Borg have not attacked him or, in fact anyone else. The Collective has a new policy: voluntary assimilation. No person who does not wish to join is forced to.

I have seen both sides of this argument. On the first side, and the one which the Mercenaries originally took, is that of Captain Venom. I will talk about that first. Captain Venom has decided that the Borg are his enemies. He has no reason for doing so. His discriminatory mindset see the Borg as a threat, with no reason. He has made no effort to explain why he is doing this.

On the other side is the view taken by the Mercenaries, including myself, and the Borg themselves. The Borg have done no damage to anyone. They are guilty of nothing, and are being attacked by a group of discriminative, small-minded people who cannot accept anything which is different from themselves. We have done nothing wrong.

Captain Venom has violated the Laws of Continuity numerous times today. He has attacked an innocent bystander in the Cat/Dog wars. We, the h2g2 Mercenaries, were hired by the Borg to defend them against these prejudiced people. We will not fail.

At this very moment, directed by the ship which I am projecting this message from, the full force of the h2g2 Mercenaries is on a direct course with the Starpilot Hotel Space Station. We have been ordered to destroy anyone who attacks the Borg, especially those who do it unprovokedly. We are therefore attacking the SHSS. Weapons are loose and the pilots have been briefed. We will accept only three things:

1. Captain Venom ends his crusade against the Borg.
2. Captain Venom unconditionally surrenders his station (and himself) to us, in which case it will be destroyed and he will be dealt with.
3. The total anilallation of the Starpilot Hotel Space Station and the apprehension of Captain Venom.

Those are our terms. Thank you for listening.

Captain Venom, this is my Starpilot Staff ID card.

*throws it at him*

Captain Venom, I unreservedly resign from my post as Bartender of the Starpilot Hotel Space Station with immediate effect. I would like to take this opportunity to tell you something:

When we first met, you were a fun-loving, shooting pilot, with the SHSS as your base of operations. You have become something else, and I cannot stand to be with you any longer. You have become the personification of something that I hate: prejudiced, terroristic and anti-freeminded. Even if the h2g2 Mercenaries halt their Campaign, I will attack you for as long as I draw breath.

You have angered me, Captain Venom. That is not a good thing.

Thank you, and good night.

*posts another scrap of paper*

In response, the Borg attacked and attempted to assimilate the H2G2 Knights. I responded to this because Mystrunner, the head of said organization, was a mercenary, and I decided to protect him. Loyalty, as Njan would say.

Following that, my security guard, Sargeant Mushroom was attacked. I protected her, and am still doing so.

The mercenaries kicked me out of their organization for these actions.

I do not force anyone to join ABM either. If the collective has angered you, please do so. Otherwise, it's an unprovoked attack.

-Captain Venom, Proprietor of the Starpilot Hotel.

*Begins to sneer*

Yes, and now my office has a tendancy to whir and poke at me. I don't feel that's very good. The Knights will support this venture. We stand at thirty one strong...

Post #5: how can you be free-minding when the Borg want to get rid of individuality?

I don't know what you're talking about global... This is the ANTI-Borg movement. We're FOR individuality... Thank you for your support, and pass on my thanks to the Knights.

I was talking about the fifth post, when you read out something by 'axe', and it said that someone else had become 'anti-free-minded', for not supporting the Borg...which makes all the sense in the world?!?

I'll join, I work in the Castle Anthrax and the Star Pilot Hotel, so it would logical.

I don't force my staff to join, Fred. If you wish to join and rid H2G2 of the collective, then do so... If you're only doing thisd as a member of my staff, understand you don't have to.

The Knights will be arriving in larger numbers, I've put the word out.

I hope you are not forcing them... Thanks, though.

Okay, I'd like to know when we (the borg) attacked the knights? If we did so, it was ~without~ my knowladge.

And as for the incident with Sgt Mushroom... she wasn't so much as being attacked as she was having Apollo attempt to seduce her into the collective in a somewhat forceful manner. And due to our extended interactions together due to the Cat/Dog war... and other threads and topics of interest, I believe Apollo had assumed that it was going to be taken with a joking nature, and I ~know~ he wouldn't have assimilated her unless she specifically said it was okay.

This whole thing has gotten out of hand, you're making too many assumptions based upon the nature of the borg collective as presented in Star Trek (which the h2g2 collective is only ~loosely~ based upon), and you're taking things entirely too seriously. This was all started for amusement, and the only reason we keep fighting back against you is because you're spoiling ~our~ fun. If you don't like how we're running our collective, I ask you to refrain from participating in threads started by any collective member, and avoid those situations where we've been invited or allowed to enter.

The bottom line? If you treat us with respect, we will threat you with respect. If you can't do that, we will be forced to declare any actions by you, or your anti-borg movement members in ~our~ threads to be ignored. This is your only warning, and I hope you at least consider what I have said before you blow it off.

Thank you for your time if you actually bothered to read this far.

I thought was all in the spirit of fun?!?

Mystrunner sir! Wargamer reporting as ordered, sir!

Good job. Doughnut?

*Proffers *

Saturn Girl, we can have peace.

I just want the sharp and whirly bits removed from my office. Just that the problem may reside with:

a) The now split mercenaries, one side being held in stead with you,
b) The Borg originating from cats, which calls upon the Anti-Cat Leauge.
c) This: F89071?thread=187364&skip=0&show=20

Anyhoo, we could all use a nice relaxing war. No one gets hurt, and I have a good location for it, too. We really can't afford to get serious. That would be like R.L. *Shudders*

*Dances around in a silly manner just for the heck of it, falls on a coffee table, and writhes around a bit.*

See?

*walks into the room and tries to read backlog*
*gets confused by it*
I came on the call... What's the deal?