h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*watch out for the Longhorns and the wild horses*

*A lone figure, riding tall in the saddle, is seen riding through the pasture towards the corral.*

*Two more riders come in and are startled to see some Gnu's grazing amidst the longhorns*

*Another two riders come over the horizon, heading for the barn.*

*Another rider thunders through the pasture. As he passes a tree trunk there is a "swish, swish, swish" sound and a somewhat lop-sided "Z" appears on the tree trunk. Actually, it more resembles a "J", but we'll give him the benefit of the doubt.

The black horse, with his black-clad rider continues on towards the barn.*

* Buckeroo Bob and Black Bart Jello ride back out of the ranch with a pack mule in tow loaded with barrels of blasting powder and boxes marked "Dynamite - More Bang for the Buckeroo" and "Dynamite - where would you like to blow something up today" *

*Zeke rides into the pasture on his quarter horse "Toby" - a sibling of Reb's horse "Baccy". Nudging the cows, horses and gnu's out of the way he is seen to dig a few holes in various places and puts some blasting powder and dynamite in them*

Heh heh heh - that'll make life a bit more interesting fer them salonista dudes.

*after completing his tasks he remounts Toby and rides back to the farm*

~ thud ~ thud ~ thud ~ thud ~

*a regular cadence of sounds can be heard from the small stand of trees on the edge of the pasture as soeasilyjello'd hews trees on Zekes instructions. Sweat glistens on soeasilyjello's brow and muscles can be seen ripling as the axe is handled with consumate skill*

*as the trees are hewn one by one the lumberjack is muttering*

Ah sure hope that Zeke isn't on ter me. Ah can't afford fer him ter find out a thang about me or whut ah've bin up ter.

*Two horses and riders walk into sight.*


No corn, no potatoes, no beets, no tomatoes
The jerked beef is dry as the sole of your shoe,
We fight in our blood an' we sleep in the mud,
An' what in the hell can a poor jello do?


Tonto: Come on, Kemosabe, let's go back to the bunkhouse.

*Taking another swig from the champagne bottle.*


Oh, for a ride o'er the prairies free,
On a fiery untamed steed,
Where the curlews fly and the coyotes cry
And the western wind goes sweeping by,
For my heart enjoys the speed.


*The two horses continue to walk.*

*wipes sweat off brow*

~thinks~

They're real close them two - real close. Hmmmmm ?

*leans on the axe and admires an enormous pile of cut and dressed timber*

*springs up right in front of the masked jello and his faithful indian companion*

heh heh heh SQUEAK!
*pretends to leap for throat of masked horse*
Hi-yo Silver! SQUEAK!

*demon rat squeaks being very loud and rusty sounding*

*Sliver rears, and would have thrown the Lone Jello if he hadn't been gripping the pommel with one hand. The horse then bolts for the barn, with Tontello riding hard behind, trying to catch the run-away horse. The Lone Jello, at first startled, gets into the spirit of things.*

YA HOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

*The Lone Jello's hat flys off as he tries to take a swig from the champagne bottle at a full gallop. Tontello retrieves it. They ride so fast, that they arrive at the Barn before they left the Pature!*


The Lone Jello had already posted at the Barn before Styx had posted, but the continuity is all cleared up now.

That should have been bunkhouse, instead of barn. Sorry.

*The Apes sent by Zeke to collect the wood arrive and spot Styx*

Ook [I don't like the look of that]

Ook [Rattus Rattus I believe]

Ook [does it taste good ?]

heh heh heh

*scampers down into prairie dog hole that opens into warren*

*as soon as she is over the rise from the ranchhouse, Lil drops the horse to a walk, finding herself among cattle and gnus. Careful not to disturb the grazing animals, she cuts through the herd, letting the buckskin pick his way across the pasture toward the treeline*

*a large contingent of Apes gallops up the road towards the pass whilst another troop dismounts and starts to sweep the pasture and adjacent land*

*The Apes find nothing on their first pass across the pasture start to mill about confusedly*

Ook [bugger]

*The Reverend Lovejello crosses the ranch gate and enters the pasture. He puts his itsy-bitsy gun back in his coat pocket and surveys the landscape.*

What a lovely land the Good Jello has created. Miss Sherry, I would tarry with you here if it were not for our errand. Perhaps we can return some day - a loaf of bread, a bottle of wine, and gnu.