h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Seeing the jello on horseback on the main street, Billy aims carefully and fires at him*

*Suddenly, the front of the building is laced with bullets from the Gattling gun. Butch dives to the floor and is showered with bits of wood. When the firing has passed his position, he gets up and continues firing, concentrating his shots on the Gattling gun, hoping to put it, or the gunner, out of commission.*

Aaaagh! *Doc slumps back from the window in shock*

koff koff koff My arm! *scrabbles backward and drags himself to his feet, then lurches off into the darkness*

*riding behind the coach, indian joe in tow*

erm... hmm. you're a bit exposed, now, aren't ya?

*shoots at the corral, staying toward the back of the group until she has a chance to do something safer with the prisoner*

Indian Joe escaped with the Ape. I think he is in the jail building now.


*Fires at the lady on the horse, but hopes he doesn't hit her.*

*Sherry's eyes go wide and she backs away from the windows*

Reverend, stay away from the windows!

Doc! Mistuh Hollijello! Come back, maybe Ah kin help yew! Oh, deah...

*Sherry crouches down near the floor, leaning against the wall, so to not be in harm's way*

*disembodied voice from coach 'cheetos??'*

i'm so confused! fine, i'll just stick to the main street thread from now on...

*is fired upon, leaps off horse, takes course of action described in main street thread*

/* Zeppo enters the building behind the Sunjello Kid and stares at him from across the room. */

Why it's ther lil' yeller dog! I might need a ride out'a town. Har har har!

*Takes a step towards Zeppo, but the floor collapses beneath him, and he falls into the basement landing on one of the seven barrels of gunpowder hidden there.*

AIEEEEE!

So this is whar the Celery hid the 'splosives. Now if I only had a fuse.

*Continues to fire on the posse. Notices something fall out of the pocket of one of the posse members. Squints. Slaps thigh.*

Well, I'll be! It's the manual!

/* Zeppo peers down into the hole in the floor, holding a short length of string in his mouth. He drops it through the hole. */

Har har! Ya stoopid mutt! Thanky kindly.

*Takes the fuse and packs it into one of the barrels of gunpowder.*

OK, now if I gits this right, I kin run up them stairs an' git out a this buildin' afore it blows. An it'll git the mesquita, the yeller dog, and half the posse.

*Lights the fuse and runs up the stairs, pausing when he sees Zeppo at the top of the stairs.*

Har har, doggy!

*The stairs collapse.*

AIEEEEE!
Uh oh.

/* Zeppo backs away from the collapsing stairs, runs up the stairs and jumps out the second story window, grabbing Amy in his mouth on the way. He runs down the center of the street, lets go of Amy and starts barking furiously at the other posse members, then heads towards the road out of town. */

*Stomps furiously on the smoking fuse, but it keeps burning*
Dang dang dang dang dang dang dang dang!

*Tries to reach the hole in the ceiling*
Dang dang dang dang!

BUTCH! REB! DOC! KIN YA HEAR ME! YA GOTTA GIT ME OUTTA HERE!

DANG! DANG! DANG!

*Decides to try for the manual. Runs out of the building and into another adjascent building. A few moments later, bursts out of the building on horseback. Rides out into the main street towards the manual.*


continued on main street thread...

Um, Reverend? Do yew smell smoke?

*hears sunjello's shouting and moves toward the source*

Mistah Sunjello? Them other jellas have gone... Do yew need help?

Stand back ma'am - there's Butch!

*Stands in the open doorway and fires his gun at Butch as he grabs something in the street. The gun makes a tiny "pop" noise, and produces a whiff of smoke.*

Oh Jello! What have I done!

*realising what is happening, Billy has mounted Dandy and now pelts down the side of the gulch flat out and up to the back of the building*

*reaching down off the horse he grabs the schoolteacher round the waist*

Scuse me ma'am.

*spurring Dandy, Billy bursts on to the main street and turns toward the coach, with one arm round the thankfully petite schoolmarm*

I been to grammar school, ma'am. I kin read!