h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Fisi crosses the boundary. - A29861382
Author: LLWaz - U123301


Fisi the what in the what?

It's cheating, it grew out of entirely being from the animal's pov as per Pin's gauntlet. Perhaps it needs cutting back to that?

Anyway, it is what it is and is all Adam's fault. He's real.

Fisi isn't a cat of any sort, is he? I can't think of any cat that yips. A hyena? Or some other sort of wild dog. Lot's definitely a bloke. Adam and David safari guides.

It's a good story. I enjoyed the different points of view. My sympathy was with Fisi. His point of view dominated.

This is good. It wasn't a very precise gauntlet anyway.

The first paragraph is a superb hook, though the rest of the piece doesn't quite have its imagery. The pragmatism of both Fisi and Adam are effective foils. The piece is full of surprising ideas: the necessity of predation, the defencelessness of human prey, the pointlessness of investigation. It's very thought-provoking as a result.

I'm going to have to say lion. Dogs don't hunt alone, and the other cats aren't shaggy.

I'm off to re-read Touching Out There, for a lion comparison. Those lions were imperious, if I remember them right.

Well, I find it exciting, and real, and I'm glad he ate the drunk, so there.

This has an 'animal-POV' feel to it.

Problem is, I'm not sure which animal.(?)

Poor Lot. dmitri, I'm shocked! He was, at least, well anaesthetised.

If you want to find out google 'fisi' with 'serengeti'. (Without serengeti fisi is apparently a financial institution or Formula 1 racing).

I've left something out which fits perception of it rather than fact. That needs to go in. Just including one word would probably do it.

Hunting alone - good point. It's an opportunist event but that's putting the story first.

Ah, I see. Had the thought, and opportunistic is true.

Biology don't always follow the 'rules', which is the first thing they taught us in college, when our hydra refused to behave.

There's a challenge - hydra pov.

I thought hydra just were. Can't quite imagine them behaving any particular way.

This certainly succeeds in following the animal's perspective. And it's good to see the predator's need to hunt portrayed sympathetically.

I took a while to work out what had happened in the first paragraph . Has Fisi been shot, or just frightened by a helicopter?

It is, as Pinn said, thought provoking.

I'll have a go at polishing this up a bit next week.

Fisi was sound asleep in a nice shady culvert and rudely awakened by a truck skidding to a halt over his head, it's driver and passenger getting out, slamming the door and deliberately jumping up and down and making a racket to scare him out.

His hearing would be pretty sensitive.

I have seen it happen. Just for the heck of it On the road into the Serengeti - it must have been a common place for animals to take refuge in. The rest is made up, though Adam did have many stories of people disappearing, all bar their hat/boots/glasses/binoculars... he was a past master at terrifying his clients round the camp fire. Took it too far with the tourists who got in the landrover and wouldn't come out again, and the one who refused to sleep on his own afterwards.

According to Adam, Hyaenas will have a go when it gets to 7:1. But tyou should always walk briskly swinging your arms so as not to trigger a sick animal response that reduces the ratio. Which is further reduced if the animal's getting desperate.

I went googling to see what the net said about hyaenas going for humans, and interestingly one said particulary during 'human disease outbreaks'. aka walking around looking a bit limp?

Thanks for the clarification!

I've changed it a bit, but not a lot. Added a vulture in to bring in the idea of scavengers, tried to suggest a vehicle's there a bit better, added a bit of detail to the picture in the middle and end to show it more as I imagined it.

There could be more about Lot and his budding g/f, but it's best not to get to know dinner too well.

I like the added details and I agree that we don't want to know Lot too well.

I was sure I posted to say how much I liked this when I first read it.

I like it even more now

I was wondering at the wondering at the start - do animals wonder? - and then I thought how on earth I (or anyone else) could possibly know whether they wonder or not.

'Squat' should be 'squatted', I think

17,800:626 googles say you're right.

Thanks Trin.

On wondering, you have a point. It suggests a bit more thinking than being puzzled or curious, both of which I reckon some animals and birds are. My friend's dog frequently seems puzzled.

I think I had one too many questions and together with the 'He gave up' line it suggested a longer thought process than is right. So I've cut that and changed a question to statement.

Congratulations! Fisi has now crossed a few other boundaries with great panache and has been selected for inclusion in the UnderGuide. Not only that, but it's been selected by our QA as Gem of the Month.

Why? Well, at this point a judicious UG editor would trim and precis to spare the author's blushes. However, that editor's got the day off for blindingly obvious reasons. So...

"Beautifully conceived and constructed around a brilliant story : the result is a formidable study of the detachment of the predator. A friend and mentor of mine talks about 'morrow morn' writing, meaning narrative powerful enough to prey on the mind of the reader long afterwards. This epitomises the idea, and the preying is literal.

"There's a rare property in this piece, in that it manages to be distressing and uplifting at the same time. The author has hinted at real ability before, but new standards have now been set."

Quite right.

A UG Polisher... well, you know the drill

A UG Polisher will take her sweet time in getting here...

Sorry for the delay. I've put the UG version of Fisi's story here - A33472587

Mostly what I did was change the underscored story breaks to horizontal rules. I notice this makes them the entire width of the page instead of centred, so if you prefer it the other way I can certainly change it back.

Let me know what you think!

Looks good that way, .

One thing I thought of - I wrote this as one of the 'guess the animal' pieces. Having read it cold, do you think the word hyaena needs mentioning anywhere? Could be a reference in the side panel, or in place of his name in the last line. If you think it's ok without, I think my preference would be not to, or only in a side link.

Thanks for the polish. I like a slow pace of life .

A link on the side would be less obtrusive, but I don't think a mention needs to go in the body anywhere. You could leave it as it is and let the community talk it out in a conversation at the bottom.

If you'd like a link I can certainly put one in the sidebar. Did you have one in mind?

... I found a book for dmitri! http://books.google.co.uk/books?id=gTqYP9mSyoYC&pg=PA64&lpg=PA64&dq=hyaena+people&source=web&ots=Ng3zeqRZHC&sig=0UN3xur9ebw0XLoAYTrxrQp-scE&hl=en#PPA64,M1

Hyaenas are on p64.

That link won't do though.

The one I'd use would be http://animaldiversity.ummz.umich.edu/site/accounts/information/Crocuta_crocuta.html

It won't be obtrusive, and won't do any harm, so ... yes, please.
Thanks, Broe.

Done!