h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Okay! Any ideas for what we can do, people?

MMMMMmmmm - certainly 'common' in here isn't it? First things first, I think that someone should remove the gargoyle from in here. There is a terrible odour eminating from him and I dont know if you have noticed, but the walls are trying to sneak out as the smell is so bad.

*there is a shuffling and groaning as 2 of the walls suddenly stand to attention and sneak their way back into position, hoping not to be noticed. There is a huge sigh of relief from up above as the ceiling, stretched almost to the point of collapse, creaks back into a well supported posture*

Now then, I think what this place needs is a bit of cheering up. How about a bit of a knees up?
Well Ok a small get together to discuss the accounts and the expansion progress.... with a mug or two of scumble just to keep the ideas flowing?
I suppose we could even think about getting someone to run a duster over the place.
*There is a sudden mass exodus towards the door*
Jolly good, glad to see you all so keen to get the cleaning equipment!
Erm...could somebody unlock the door and let me out please?
Hello?.....HELLO?................

.........erm I am still in here,...Hello?.....HELLO.

*Looks around room again and notices a small mini bar that wasn't there before.*
Ooh a drink, now thats a good idea.
*opens mini bar and 2 large green eyes belonging to something unknown blink slowly. Shuts bar quickly*
Well perhaps it is a bit early for that drink afterall.
*There is a snigger that seemed to be coming from the door. Walks over and tries door again. It opens easily. A large armchair is wobbling with stiffled laughter.*
Well I dont think that is funny at all.
*Leaves room quickly and slams door behind her. There is a large outburst of sniggers, chuckling and chortling as Mort speeds off down the corridor*
Too much magic leaking in this place for my liking, will have to see about that.

AAARRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!
*The bloodcurdling scream echoes down the chimney, and Wargamer rolls out of the fireplace.*
S-small Dragon colony on the roof. Nothing to be... worried... about...
*
*
Okay, nowsh I'm readying...
*Crawls back up the chimney.*

*Mort opens door but refuses to enter the room alone.*
Wargamer you in here? Need an odd job doing. Left a message with a foul smelling creture in the Bursary. Think it might have been Vernon. He has terrible personal hygiene issues.
*there is no answer but a strange noise comes from the garden.
An arm chair starts to shuffle towards the door.. and Mort*
Ok I am going, no need to get upset, i didnt mention your upholstry problems did I?
*Mort slams door quickly and a thud is heard as the armchair hurls itself at the door. A second thud is heard as the door kicks the chair to the other end of the room.*

*Wanders in.*
Mort? You in here?
*Looks at a large armchair that's creeping up behind him.*
And you can bloody well behave as well!

*Mort puffing wildly storms into the room, creaks and groans from the door show its displeasure *

W.W...War..Warg..Warg...

*Mort legs it back out as the room is empty ....except for 'THAT' furniture and he is taking no chances!*

*Follows Mort outside.*
What's up? Is that inter-dimensional vortex back again?

wake up!!

I wasn't asleep! Honest!

*creeps into room - never felt safe since she spent a night locked in here by a vindictive door and a homicidal armchair. Decides to have a good look round*

*In the corner an old man is snoring and each time he exhales a blue smoke ring floats out of his left nostril.
There is a shuffling from the armchair. The fire blazes away quite happily to itself but doesnt seem to have any source of fuel. Sitting on the mantelpiece is a wooden bookend of an owl. It blinks. More shuffling.*

hello? I dont think we have met before?

*no response, but the bookend blinks again.
There is a scratching noise from the chimney breast*

Right, well err... nice to have met you - whoever you are.

This room is scarier than the gardens

....

* swims in.*

Lizardy? You in here?

*An evil looking chair shuffles menacingly forward.*

Back off tweed features or I'll exorcise you.

*The chair shuffles back looking as innocent as a homicidal piece of furniture can. has a good look around but can't see any reptiles, so leaves.*

was just having a look around n sem to have wandered in here..


homicidal chair??

was just having a look around n sem to have wandered in here..


homicidal chair??