h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Always have the exact fare and always keep your ticket until your journey is complete.
If you chew your ticket or lose it, you can bet your bottom dollar the Inspector will get on & demand you pay again..

Sit next to the most innocuous-looking person on the bus.
That way when the gets on, he can't sit next to you.

Give up your seat to someone older than yourself who can't find a seat. Starting off a good circle, it will eventually come back to you & someone some day will do something nice for you.
Guaranteed.

Tip the driver a sweet; (preferably wrapped), but the ones I meet aren't that fussy. They're just so chuffed to be tipped they don't care.

Ring the bell before the stop at which you wish to alight.

Thank the driver.

Thank you goes a long way. I try to say it to all my passengers, and yes, I will even wave to people with all my fingers sometimes. It can be difficult to be pleasant after being stabbed by a snot-nosed teenager who is after the takings, but I try.
You deserve a decent service, but sadly, it doesn't happen enough (there are some shocking regional variations). I see the state of the buses after a day's work; Coke cans, half-eaten sandwiches, grafitti, syringes... You can judge a Country by the state of it's Public Transport. Japan's trains and buses are spotless. Britain's are in a mess!!
I really do feel sorry for people who depend on public transport, they are being treated like garbage, especially the commuters. I am not surprised that people in my profession are castigated. We try, but it's not our fault, I promise! It's all down to the movement of small green pieces of paper.

I'd like to add that as a non-smoker, I find it a bit annoying when people get on the bus, smoking cigarettes even if every window in the bus has a clearly visible "No-Smoking" sticker. Of course, it doesn't help that some of the drivers in these same buses lights up a cigarette themselves. Kind of undermines the whole "This is a no-smoking vehicle" sign thing.

Ooh, a bus driver!
*waves*



LiS, if anyone smoked near me on a bus I'd smack him on the nose!
Only the upstairs on our buses allow smoking, so I never go upstairs but my son likes to ride upstairs and he always comes down stinking of it.

Well, if it had been allowed upstairs only, it hadn't been a problem, because that would mean that the smokers had to sit on the roof of the bus, but since we only have the small 30-odd capacity buses servicing this area, that doesn't work. And I'm way too timid a person to actually do something about it, and I'd suspect that it wouldn't help even if I did. Especially if it's the bus driver himself who is smoking.

Don't stand by the exit door unless you are getting off at the next stop!

Don't put your feet on the seat, you wouldn't like to sit on the filth from someone elses shoes would you.

If I can sing along to your personal stereo it's too loud and will lead to ear damage for sure, irritation for other passengers and possibly nose damage for you when someone hits you.

Do you really need to phone all your mates to tell them you are on the bus? I don't think so.

If your phone rings answer it please. No one things a tinny version of Mission Impossible, the latest pop hit from (insert artist of choice), the national anthem or whatever is fun.

If you must break the rules and smoke please do it upstairs at the back with the windows open so we don't have to smell it - unless its a joint then be neighbourly and pass it round.

Please ask other people if they mind you opening/closing the window.

That feels better to have got all that off my chest

If you're drunk - well done for not driving. Try to sit alone, or with friends, and not accost strangers.

Smoking isn't allowed at all on buses here (Ireland), and most of the time that seems to be obeyed.
Dogs are allowed at the driver's discretion - except guide dogs, of course, which are always allowed.
Food and (non-alcoholic) drink are allowed, but as has already been explained, it doesn't hurt to take your rubbish with you when you get off - especially if it's a syringe!

Most drivers are more than happy to tell you when you reach your stop, if you ask ahead of time (when you're going somewhere you don't know). Try to ask at a stoplight or quiet time.

Greet and thank the driver (though I've never heard of tipping him/her a sweet - must try that!).

Don't damage the seats! It takes ages to get them repaired, and people are left standing, or sitting on something uncomfortable.

Keep an eye on any bags you leave in luggage racks. That's not etiquette, just common sense.

As for exact change - you can also get one day rambler, family, or 10-journey tickets in some newsagents, or in Dublin Bus on O'Connell Street in Dublin. These are great, because you just feed your card into a machine on the bus. The queue for the machine is generally shorter than for change. There are discounts if you are a student with a USIT card, or an Irish school child or senior citizen.

The standard of cleanliness of Britains buses is a scource of distaste to foreign students and tourists. The statement of 'the standard of our buses reflects the state of our country' is so true. That goes for many of those who live this not so clean country of ours. I have seen used baby's nappies and womens sanitary towels lying on the floor of buses where they have been dunped by people who have little or no personal standards. It often makes me ashamed to be a part of this so called society. Bus companies and the Government are as much to blame for not enforcing the rules on conduct on a bus. They seem to be playing lip service to a very important part of many peoples only access to transport, and impose more and more rules and regulations about what they want bus companies to do and are not interested in IF it can be done. Driving a bus is a skilled job and is probably one of the most thankless jobs in the country, they recieve a very low rate of pay, and are expected to be smart and pleasent to everyone, even at the end of a twelve hour shift. The bus driver of a bus on which I was traveling was being threatened for not allowing more people on the bus, this vehicle was fully loaded whith passengers standing right up to the driver. The driver called the police, but they did not turn up. If it wasn't for some of the passengers standing up for the driver it could have been nasty.

If you are on a bus, and feel that you really need to let off some steam, do not do so by trying to smash the windows of the bus. People will not regard you very highly as you carry out this stress-relieving activity, and it also intimidates those around you. Doing this on a plane could have adverse effects.

Instead of thumping the window, try doing yoga in your spare time, or take a short holiday to relax. That way no one gets intimidated by you venting your spleen.

My advice is not always to judge by appearances on buses. My mom, who, to your average bus - user, looks perfectly fit, is slightly s*****c and sometimes needs a seat, but she is often confronted by irate old ladies who feel that they have a right to the place. Maybe what's needed is more community feeling on buses, instead of defensiveness, and suspicion. Perhaps sing-alongs would do the trick.

well part of all etiqte I gess but it happend to me most on busses is standing up gfor somone older than youself.well I was goin to colladge I havd just pulled an 16 houer shift (sunday to monday) and then I was sleeping on the way to colladge an old women (she looked in her late 60s) woke me up and demanded I get of my seat for her. so really waht I am trying to say is never wake up sleeping people and never demand a seat ak nicly

Please, when sitting next to your girl/boy friend on a bus, don't spend an entire 30-40 minute journey lip wrestling and making smacking noises with your lips every 2 minutes. This can lead to extreme irritation to someone sitting behind you who cannot fit their legs anywhere but directly in front of them, forcing them to face ahead or get neck ache forcing themselves to look out of the window.

Amen to that one, Lettuce.

If you are of pension age, please don't use it as an excuse to be rude and threatening to the younger generation. Unfortunately yes the younger generation do not treat the elderly with the respect they deserve but it does work both ways: I've seen appalling rudeness, physical assault, queue jumping, shoving and fight challenging amongst the elderly on my usual bus route in Birmingham. Please set us an example...we're not all potential muggers and hoodlums.

LOL
oh come on some othem think that they are owed evrything b the world. yes kids are b******s some times but so are evryone els. its just on of the sad point about humaity

I don't know if this applies so much to those crazy double-layered buses you chaps have on your side of the ocean, but in Canadian single-layed buses it is considered good manners to always move to the back of a bus.

An empty bus is usually filled from back to front. This has the added bonus of leaving the front-most region for the elderly and disabled, without having to make anyone give up their seat.

If there are no more remaining seats, it is good practice to stand as far back in the bus as possible. This allows the maximum number of people to fit on a bus. If a group of people stand in the middle of an empty bus, new-comers to the bus will assume that the back is already full. They will not attempt to push past the blockade of middle-standers*. Because of this, those in the front of the bus will be packed as tightly as sardines in a can, while the back of the bus remains relatively empty. Not only does this cause the bus driver great consternation, it makes for a very in-efficient transit system.

* People often feel uncomfortable pushing past someone in a crowded bus. By filling a bus from the back it removes the need to do so unless it is absolutely necessary (I.E. getting off the bus).

Lastly, conflict sometimes arises when someone leaves a seat and there are several people standing nearby that would like to sit down. When faced with this situation, the following list can aid in determining the most worthy occupant of the seat.

1) A person who appears to need the seat most (elderly, disabled, people with heavy shopping bags, etc)

2) A person who appears to be related (friend, spouse, child, parent) to someone in an adjacent seat.

3) The person who was nearest the seat when it was emptied

4) The person who has been standing the longest

5) The first person to show interest in the seat

If none of the first four conditions apply to those standing around you, it is best to claim the seat as soon as it is emptied. Excessive politeness may cause you to spend many a long bus ride on your feet!

Also, always thank any generous fellow passengers who allow you to claim a seat. It makes everyone feel a might bit better about having to stand.

A quick note on the western Canadian transit system. Most buses (In Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada) now use fare cards instead of paper transfers, so always make sure your card does not get wrinkled or it will not scan and cause a delay entering the bus. Also, since the expiry-time and other information is stored in a magnetic strip on the back of the card, avoid putting the transfer near strong magnets as it may invalidate your card.

Thus ends my rather long rant