h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

And, I know that's not a word!

Hi everyone! I haven't been around in a while and there are some new faces.

GTBacchus-When updating the page, you oughta take down the link from the hymnal. It has been censored in my absence and I don't know when I'm going to get around to looking over the house rules and fixing it (but I will!). I'd like it if you left it up that there is a hymnal that will be visible again once I've worked it out (along with something witty about my procrastanation skills).

...there. That should just about do.

Just don't expect me to always take care of things quickly. There's nothing as rotten as a good first impression that you then have to maintain...

I didn't actually take out the link, but I added an explanation. Hope that's alright.

That's perfect!

Did someone request jam? *Sets up wallpaper pasting table and places jars of homemade damson jam and marmalade on the top. Also a plate of mince-pies, a few second hand Mills and Boon novels and a sign offering tea and coffee for 20p a cup* I'm setting up a kind of atheist WI I thought the FFFF could do with a new idea

Only damson? It was *quince* jam I was really after... Still, I'll have a cup of tea with you, and that crochet is the best I've seen for a long time! I'm always happy to support a Good Cause.

Pattern-chaser

"Who cares, wins"

* worries *

What's happened to the reasoned philosophical discussion?

Probably gone off for a cup of tea and a mince pie with Deackie.

*no worries*

"What's happened to the reasoned philosophical discussion?"

It came a poor second to Deackie's home-made jam. Virtual jam, at that. Why, do you have any good topics for discussion?

Pattern-chaser

"Who cares, wins"

New discussion topic: quince or damson?

I've never tried Quince, but I quite like Damson.

The Book of Quince (as dictated to me by God) says: "Quince jam is the One True Jam. Damson-lovers shall be hunted down and 'converted' with extreme prejudice."



Pattern-chaser

"Who cares, wins"

* lays out a sacred circle and invokes the Spirit of Damson *

I'm afraid I have to differ.

I'll have to say neither. Fluffer wins.

*Artenshiur invokes a much more tangible entity.
The Marshmallow man steps through the brand new roof, and sits on both MaW and PC.*

Aw, that's not a nice thing to do.

I'd offer to help them up but Marshmallow Man looks fairly large...

I know water, it'll dissolve the b****r and wash him away!

*grabs a handy extinguisher and waves it at MM*

"That's no way to win a debate. A fight yes, a debate no way! Take up thy things and walk."

Hmmm.... this *is* a new kind of business forum.

I've never heard of "quince" or "damson". They sound like good names for a couple of puppies, or something. If I had three dogs, maybe I'd call them Quince, Damson, and Yaweh.

There, I said something irreverent!

"*grabs a handy extinguisher and waves it at MM*"

wow... a brand new forum, and someone thought to stock it with fire extinguishers! That's mighty thoughtful, I'd say.

Damsons are a strangeish fruit a bit like a plum, but they make very good jam. I believe quinces are a citrus fruit kind of like small oranges, although I'm not 100% sure, I just went for Damson on the principle that anything jam-like made from sitrus fruit probably tastes like marmelade.

I have consulted the Holy Archives, and come up with this selection for you infidels and unbelievers:

QUINCE JAM #112 - 9 OZ. $4.10  The quince is a member of the pear and apple family and was a fall fruit favorite from Grannys orchard. Today it is very difficult to get quince fruit.  Only a quince lover can eat the raw fruit but, when simmered and cooked with sugar or honey...

Quinces are ripe when they turn a lovely vivid yellow/orange, smell absolutely divine and the pips inside are brown like apples.

The quince is the only species in the genus Cydonia, which falls into the Pomoideae subfamily of the Rosaceae along with apple and pear. This plant is sometimes confused for the common flowering quince (Chanomeles speciosa), Japanese flowering quince (Chanomeles japonica) or Chinese quince (Pseudocydonia sinensis) which are fairly common edible landscape plants. All produce fruits that can be used as true quince fruits are used - in jams and cooking.

The quince has a long history of cultivation in the Middle East, where it is native, and throughout the Mediterranean region. Greeks and Romans grew the quince for its fragrant fruit and attractive
pink flowers.

In greek mythology, "golden apples" were probably quinces, since gold-coloured apple cultivars were not available then. Thus, the tale of Hercules and the golden apples is probably a misnomer (greeks often referred to tree fruits generically as "apples"). The Greeks started the custom of giving a quince to a bride on her wedding day as a symbol of fertility; this ritual persisted well into the Christian era.

Quinces are known for their strong perfume, and will freshen up an entire room if left at room temperature for several days. The scent is "musky-wild as a tropical fruit, reminiscent of pineapple, guava, Bartlett pear, and apple..."

So you can now see that the One True Fruit is not to be compared with lesser fruits such as your puny plum, damson and citrus offerings.

By the power of Quince, I defy your marshmallow men and your foolish conjurings! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha

Pattern-chaser

"Who cares, wins"

Wow. Wow. Nice research, Pattern-chaser.

Does that mean that the Apple of Discord thrown amongst the Goddesses at the wedding to which Eris wasn't invited was really a Quince, the Quince of Discord, and that it was a Quince that was the indirect cause of the first war among men?

How exciting!

I'm certain that a Quince in mentioned in Whatsisname's immortal nonsense poem, 'The Owl and The Pussycat'.