h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Corrupt tosses away the tazer and pulls out her staff instead. She summons a strange lionlike being and sends it charging at the pack*

*The pack splits into two - one half engages the Lionlike being and the other closes on Yo*

*NYC turns a couple corners and runs into a darkened room, looking for some adamantine-chompin' weaponry. He flips the light switch*

*the light goes on to reveal a Guards recreational room. Detrius litters the floor and several Anti-Cat Federation recruitment posters can be seen on the wall. An At the far end of the room below a stuffed and mounted head of a large Feline can be seen a steel door marked "Armoury"*

(The pack heading at yo is repelled backward in much the same way as in Akira, due to redfox's elemental mage skills. The pack is rearing up and clawing at the invisible barrier)

Yo... I can't hold these shmoes much longer...

Normally I could just shoot the bolts and various other metal parts out, but these things seem impervious to that.

We're better off blowin' em' up.

*the pack looks malevolently (but impotently) at Red Fox, silently promising revenge for being thwarted and a later reckoning*

(Sweats Profusely)

*NYC wonders what's wrong with cats. Sure, they're amoral, bipolar little creatures that look cute until you get close enough to their sharp, sharp claws, but that's what makes them so endearing! In any case, he kicks the steel door. It doesn't budge. NYC notices a little electronic lock mounted beside the door. He kicks THAT. It short-circuits and electrucutes his steel-toed boot, and vicariously, NYC himself. NYC falls over. The door opens.*

Hey man, this is no time for a nap *nudges him* seriously we need to go-*looks in the room* would you look at that plasma rifle....NYC, come on, get up...*thinks for a moment*....HEY NYC! Sea's here!

*is a little dizzy from being thrown around, so staggers off to find somewhere less noisy*

*comes across teh recreation room and sees NYC on teh floor*

*decides he's nice and warm and would make a good bed*

*curls up and falls asleep on his chest*

*back at the SecCentre (F76201?thread=249148) the on duty Guard Dog watches a pack indicator light go out unexpectedly and an armoury intruder light go on at the same time. The guard reaches for the Hot Line to ACF Command at the Dog House and reports in.*

*Electricity arcs across NYC's hair. He pokes Sarge's cat*

*BZZRAP!*

*Sarge's cat soon latches itself on the ceiling, fur standing on end. NYC gets up.*

Hey Yo, if you had a fireball, why did you need my gun? Ahh, well, no time for details, heavy weaponry awaits!

*NYC bounds into the armoury, and starts bagging a number of automatic laser rifles. His eyes soon water at the lovely view of the experimental one in the back*

*a Superhero message comes over the CHOPPERS comms net*

crrrkkkkk ..... Sarge, do you remember the tank ? Where did you park it ..... sscreeee ...... time to ....... OK ..... scqarrrrrr

*is not a happy cat*

*cupboard door opens, and a tank rumbles out...and stops*

*Serge's head pokes out of the door at the top*

*looks around*

(Looks desparingly around the room. Finds his Axe and Sword, which are hanging on the wall. Grabs them, and consequently blows a hole in the wall, and any number after that, at exits to "ye olde battlefield".)

Many thanks, Yo!

*poof*

*NYC backs out of the armoury, struggling with huge bag of laser cannons, rifles, and other assorted goodies of mass destruction. He backs straight into 14 tons of tank armor. He looks up to see a tank barrel looming over him. He looks to the left and right to see rather imposing tank treads, growling at him. It falls on NYC his predicament almost as fast as Sarge's cat from the ceiling. Onto his head. With claws out.*

*NYC blunders around hastily, trying to pry an angry kitty from his face and find the first weapon he can get his hands on, which just happens to be a laser rifle. The cat does its best tapdancing routine on NYC's face. NYC fires blindly around, screaming and yelling until he hears a humongous crash. He pries the cat's paw from one of his eyes to see his stock crush with half a tank barrel. It soon dawns on him the danger of being on the wrong side of a sawed off tank cannon. He scrambles for the hatch*

*A ghostly hand reaches out of the hatch, snatches the cat and pulls her into the tank. The hatch slams shut in N.Y.C.'s face*

Wa Hooo! Now, how does this baby work?

*Ex R fiddles with knobs, switches, dials and the obligatory red button with "Don't push this button" printed on it. As the tank smashes around, N.Y.C. (hopefully) leaps on top of it and, finding himself in the only safe location, hangs on.

*the P.A. system crackles...

"Sssscchhtt sprakle spork scchhsshhh....

"Thank you for taking Transportation and Tours. Please leave your tray in the upright position, and keep your arms to yourself.

"Over to your right are the smoking ruins of Red Dog's Prize pack of Robo dogs. Over to your left are the Lion Thingies...

"Oops! Pardon my flame thrower ...Over to your left are what remains of the Lion Thingies....

"Hmm...what does this shiny red button do?"

*NYC, clinging to the top of the tank, looks up not to see any of the very interesting-sounding robodogs and lion-thingies as per the announcements, but instead not much beyond a low ceiling and an upcoming "exit" sign*

BONG!

*It would appear the dimensions of these hallways and rooms didn't have tanks in mind, as the new bruise on NYC's forehead clearly shows. He tries to weld the hatch open with his laser rifle, only to find its wire connection with its battery has been ripped through. It would appear to be the work of a cat. NYC growls. The tank inadvertently hits a wall. NYC falls forward and finds himself clinging to the tank barrel. The tank backs up and hits another wall; NYC finds himself on the hatch again. The tank rights itself and by the time NYC gets his balance again, another "exit" sign comes up, but THIS time NYC is prepared. That is, he WAS, until the hatch he was sitting on opened again*

BONG!

*pokes head out of hatch and looks around again*

*spots NYC sprawled underneath the lid of her tank*

*tries to drag him towards the hatch as the tank carreens round madly*

*As Sarge tugs at his arm, NYC pulls an automatic from one of his pockets*

Normally I'm a fan of wanton destruction in a CHOPPERS stronghold, but only when I'm INSIDE the tank!

*NYC points the gun at Sarge, and holds his tongue as the next directional sign comes up fast behind her*