h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ehhh....

how profound.

Yup.

::stands irresolute, trying to decide whether to get back in the tub or not::

Hmmmm....

::drains and cleans the tub::

*eyes the cleaning fluid suspiciously*

Is that stuff supposed to be carbonated?

Yes...!??

Very unsure about getting back in that tub now....

::pootles around a bit ::

:: a puff of greenish smoke materializes over the tub and thinks to itself "pootish???", and vanishes::

YAY!!!

umm...

::a disembodied voice drifts over the deserted campsite::

I say... this is definitely the most happenin' site around... ::sighhhhhhhhh:: I think it all went down the drain while I was away... perhaps I should turn it into an outdoors convention center for all the and fanatics who are sure to be soon running amok all over the place... hmmmm....


::the disembodied voice drifts around a bit, with a small tape measure occasionally appearing out of nowhere and taking measurements, accompanied by mutters of "hmmmmmm" and "ah!" and "yes, yes, quite"::

follows the tape measure with a blanket, ready to pounce...

::follows Artenshuir as he follows the tape measure, wondering just what the he thinks he's doing... the answer suddenly becomes clear when Arty pounces on the tape measure, sweeping the blanket over it and wrapping it up... then muttering in confusion when the tape measure simply reappears two inches outside his blanket and continues on with its business... Several hundred feet away, an easel suddenly materializes amidst the grasses and begins drawing terribly complex diagrams of, for some odd reason, donkeys::

hmm...

Ok, who put marijuana in the campfire!??

Oh, and just why are you looking at ME when you ask that, Miss D? (says the disembodied voice)


::meanwhile, in the background, the tape measure continues measuring, now doing 45-degree angle measurements and muttering about trusses, joists, and weight-to-angle ratios, and the easel is still drawing an incredibly complex donkey although, to be fair, the donkey is at least remotely beginning to resemble some sort of coliseum::

::knocks the tape measure out of the sky::

::the measuring tape plummets toward the ground, screaming piteously as it gains speed and starts to smoke slightly...::


eeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWHUMP!


::the disembodied voice casts a very reproachful look at Lady D and floats over to the sizzling crater where the measuring tape hit... with a soft *BAMF!*, Thog appears and, reaching down into the crater, pulls the remains of the tape from the several-foot-deep hole and inspects it hurriedly while it chars his fingers... Finally, making it disappear with a soft *foop*, Thog sighs, notes that the easel has stopped drawing the donkey, and turns to Lady D. with a very stern expression indeed::

it, m'Lady, why did you have to go and do that? That was my ONLY magical measuring tape, and have you any idea how hard those are to accurately materialize??? SHEESH


::turns his back on Lady D. and, concentrating intensely, manifests another tape measure. Thog tosses it up in the air, muttering a few special words, watches it rise.... rise.... rise.... then start falling... falling.. falling... and lands on his toe.::

This'll take awhile...
::vanishes with a *WHOP!*::