h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

1. Stepping on an Improvised Explosive Device
2. Saying "yes" if your wife asks if she looks fat in her outfit.
3. Trying to kill flies by shooting at them -- in an airplane in flight.
4. Choosing money when a robber asks you to choose between your money and your life.
5. Toasting marshmallows over an active volcano (hint: your stick may need to be longer -- by about five miles)
6. Eating mushrooms that you *thought* were safe.
7. Investing your Mafia cousin Guido's money in Florida swampland.
8. Trying to pet the cute panda.
9. Assuming that Shakespeare would have wanted you to use a real sword for your portrayal of Hamlet.
10. Putting oil and vinegar on your salad -- motor oil, that is.

That's just the first 10. More will be forthcoming.

11. Avoid attending boring meetings and coffee mornings

Coffee may help you live 10% longer, according to some studies. So, by all means attend the coffees. Boring meetings won't make you live longer, but your life will *seem* longer.

Power Point presentations

I will keep Rosa's #11. It may come in handy some day.

12. Spend minimal time with people who have negative outlooks -- unless your personality is so strong that you can bring them over to more positive mind-frames. This will improve their chances of a long life, and it will give your life added purpose and sense of accomplishment.

Very good

Don't hold grudges. Holding a grudge is like letting negative people live in your mind. Without paying rent ...

Sometimes I undermine them with a megawatt display of warmth and kindness. I don't think that some people ever get the love or credit that they deserve. Maybe feeling good about themselves once in a while will settle into their subconscious in a good way. When I react kindly, I am also honest: the things I praise them for are genuinely good.

By a strange coincidence I only yesterday met a former coworker whom everybody believed to be a sour and bitter old hag of a dragon. But I could not believe this was her real self so always thought of her as a kind of - challenge, if you will - so always treated her with kindness and respect. It paid off big time. She couldn't help to smile an occasionally even giggle and when she was celebrating a jubilee - 40 years I think it was - she refused to be interviewed for our paper by anybody else than yours truly. This raised quite a few eyebrows and earned me a lot of respect.

Good to hear!

Living by the "Life is too short to start a fight" attitude has made things easier for me, too. But I think if I live to be 100 it'll be due to my genes, as my mother and her sister are both still going strong at 99 and 98 respectively. My husband reckons I'll make it to 120, but I'm not really sure I want to.

I believe in making every day count. I have a 15-minute vacation in mid-afternoon, when I put cream into my coffee and eat a modest-sized piece of something sweet and decadent. I usually have some exercise both before and after this, so the calories don't get turned into fat.
The cream keeps me from feeling hungry for hours. The pastry puts me in a nice frame of mind. Really, if life could stay like this, why wouldn't I want to live as long as possible?

Anyway, 100 is just a number. It's no better or worse than any other number, but we Westerners assign specific significance to it, so it's a nice hook for a journal thread.

Enjoy your New year.

Some more things to avoid:

13. Quicksand, tar pits, and signs that direct you to the Egress.

14. Pot holes big enough to park an SUV in -- you might blow a gasket trying to get out of them. (Your SUV might have a bit of trouble, too)

15. Adding rhubarb leaves to your salad.

16. Taking a long walk off a short pier, especially if you can't swim.

17. Doctors who make you wait a week, then say you only have six days to live.

18. Picking up snakes when you're not sure how poisonous they might be. (Confession: I picked up a ribbon snake, not realizing it might bite me)

19. Burning an urgent message *before* you read it.

20. Swimming in shark-infested waters, even if someone has just sold you a shark--repellent.

"I've accomplished what I wanted to accomplish, I have passed what exams I wanted to pass and I have gained enough over the years. So today would be as good as any to die.
I would like to wait until one of the next mondays, though, if it's alright."
[Benny Andersen, Danish poet and pianist 1929-2018]

There seems to be a phenomenon that affects the timing of death. Many sick people manage to hang on over the holidays. Then, after holidays are over, they die.

21. Do NOT answer honestly if your partner asks what you think of their parents.

22. If you suspect either skunks or porcupines have set up household under your house - do not send in your pet doggy to investigate. And then bring said doggy in to the house.

My sister has had dogs that tangled with porcupines or skunks (she had more than one dog). Porcupines ate my sister's blackberry bushes, and black bears have eaten from her bird feeder.

Maybe I need to have something about fending off bears.

23. It is not a good idea to wander around Thompson, Manitoba at night with a freshly loaded pic-a-nic basket. Polar bears are not as cuddly as photos suggest.

24 Filling in bureaucratic forms