h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hmmmmmm.....


Since ER has expressed no preference for the type of quiche he'd like his fridge stocked with, I suppose that means only one thing:


Eggless Tofu Quiche made with Fat Free Soy-Cheese and Zuchinni.

I've made a dozen of them, that should keep him well fed for a while.

What ER doesn't realize is that the SWAT team has been helping Unc clean out the fridge...

So the typical response from those guys now is something along the lines of this:


"Wudderyu gulz bringgin' in'ere now? Awwww, cute widdle kitten and puppy paintins' for on the wallz... now isn'that just the sweetest thing? Go ahead, I'll even help you..."



See? Pointless to post a swat team, armed guards or anything else in an attmept to foil our plans for redecorating your Fan Club!

:::makes an enticing rib roast with all the trimmings in the pink-quilt-clad oven. Fixes mashed potatoes and gravy, asparagus, freshly baked rolls, and apple pie a-la-mode for dessert:::


:::sets a beautiful table with ER's new fine china, crystal stemware, and frilly accessories:::


:::calls the helpful (drunken) SWAT team and the girls to dinner:::



Enjoy yourselves, everyone!

It's feeling very homey in here, isn't it?

Oh, what a wonderful meal!


Shhhhh.... I think the swat team has fallen asleep!


*tiptoes around them*




Now we can really start to change a few things around here!

s the S.W.A.T. team to the table...

...breaks out the Elvis posters and sets up the lava lamp...

:::serves the ed S.W.A.T. team another round of pie, and using ER's beautiful "Schmaltzy Butterfly Meadow" dishes:::

Ooooo. Isn't this coffee cup cuuuuuute! It has a picture of a butterfly landing on a kitten's nose, who is lying on her back with her sweet little paws in the air, while birdies circle overhead with ribbons in their diminutive beaks, with everything tied in little pink bows.

*gag*


:::brings in fresh flowers from the garden and arranges them in color-coordinated vases all around the house:::

:::takes down the "Wombats Playing Poker" picture that had been over the sofa for years and replaces it with "Fuzzy Bunnies Playing Checkers Slowly" picture:::

*tosses out lava lamp and Elvis posters*

I don't know where those things came from, they weren't here when we got here....

*places victorian hurricaine lamp with beaded floral lamp shade on the table, and hangs the precious moments picture of the little boy who just updumped his icecream cone, with the puppy licking it up*

Don't forget the "Clowns with Sad Eyes" and the "Big-Eyed Children" pictures.

Yes, now you understand the look we're going for here!

*Drops off a black velvet tapestr of a sad, childlike clown who looks suspiciously like a toddler-elvis.*

!

You have style, ex-ex-R.

:::secretly admires the splendid artistic merit of the velvet painting:::

Yes, this will do fine. Anyone can see that this is a classic piece.

*drops off a picture she just finished coloring of a kitten playing with a ball of yorn*
Mom says that he'll like a picture from my coloring book.

*leaves behind a couple of dribbly pets to be babysat by the swat team*

Oh aren't they just the cutest little things?

And I'm sure once ER returns and sees how cute they are he'll be so glad they're here, and he won't mind the puddles and other little accidents and stains on the carpeting. They won't be any bother, really!

:::carefully mops up several "dribbly" puppy puddles in and around ER's guitar cases:::

Oh yeah, ER is going to looooooooooouuuuuurve pet ownership.



:::heads out to the back yard to give Wooger (ER's bushy-tailed possum) some treats:::

::puts strategically placed kitty and puppy-toys, wee-wee pads, litter boxes and scratching posts around::

That should take care of the little darlings!

::stencils delicate roses around the top of the walls::

*rushes in with a shopping bag from Frivolouly Feminine Bath Boutique*


Look what I found for ER!

*pulls out huge bottle of lilac scented moisturing body wash and matching lilac bath poof*

This is the best stuff, and ER's gonna love it - smells so good, and his skin will be so soft!

:::attempts to walk through the house, but finds it impossible to do so without encountering a wee wee pad, litterbox, scratching post or slobbered-on pet toy:::

:::stands in the doorway instead, admiring Shea's delicate s:::




:::finds a perfect frame for Vulpix's coloring book picture and hangs it in a place of honor:::