h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

"Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining."
-Jeff Raskin, interviewed in Doctor Dobb's Journal

"To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer."
-Farmers' Almanac, 1978

"Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done."
-Andy Rooney

Currently Listening To: Alan Titchmarsh talk with geniune intrest about green leaf fungi rot.

As you can probably tell I am in an anti-computer mood today. Our computers at school were messing me around, they refused to... erm, work. I spent half the bl**dy lesson starting and re-starting my computer, it refused to read the floppy and would freeze whenever you, erm...used it! I ended up threatening it very loudly in front of the class.

Well, the non-uniform day went quite well. But I discovered somthing utterly horrible, apparantly I am a greebo
I just don't understand, I bought the creams and sprays I even used special protection! Why is this happening?

I had over 16 people come up and ask me if I was a greebo, to which I always replied:
"No, I am not. I'm not so desperately sad that I need to be told what to wear and how to live my life. I don't feel the need to belong to a shallow, superficial and pointless trend. I am my own person and I am me, not anyone or anything else. I am not a sheep! "
To which people usually replied:
"So, err, are you a Greebo or wot?"

Agghhh! It's so infuriating when people are so stupid. I mean one girl said that because I had a chain that meant I am a greebo!? It actually means that I have somewhere to attatch my keys but what can you say . Nah, I'm not a greebo. I'm just me

Shame about your trouble, if you get my drift, they read this so I'm not going to say anything .

Guess where I'm going.... !?
I'll give you a couple of clues:
1. there's water there.
2. there's sand there.
3. there's often waves there (unless you're in the medditerainian, where it's unusually calm).

Gottit yet? I'm going on Sunday and I am so looking forward to it!! I know it's still too cold but I don't care, so long as I take some books, books on tape and some, err, books I should be fine.
It does mean a 2 hour trip but I'm remarkably patient in the car, I just sit and day dream.

What do you daydream about ? Probably me so I know that's a bit of a silly question but I'm just being nosey! I'm soo silly , I'm how you say, 'One Hoopy Frood'?

I'm going to go and watch 'Have I Got News For You', Ooh, this sounds really funny!
Ta,

-R.G.W
[RESEARCHER.GONE.WRONG]

Currently listening to: My mother's snoring on the sofa

So, what did I say to you again? Oh, I tried to tell you of my Norwegian exam! We were meant to deliver a short story, based on some text, and then to work on our short story all day. I'm very proud of mine...

It was about a shy, intelligent, male librarian that had secretely fallen in love with a girl, Miriam, that stopped by now and then to discuss french philosophy . In the end, he managed to get her phone number, and he finally deared to leave a message on her answering machine, but alas, he had to travel to Paris, so he also left a message begging if she could call him on his mobile phone.
So the short story is mostly about the guy, sitting in the appartment in Paris, waiting, thinking... "Will the love of my life call? Will she not? She must! Abelard had his Cosette, Romeo had his Juliet, Marius had his Cosette... I must have my Miriam!" etc., etc., you get my drift
And, in the sad end, the reader is informed that "far away, in the capital of Norway, in a small apartment flowing with French books, was a sweet girl called Miriam just murdered by her jealous boyfriend"...

I seemed to shock everybody with that ending "Gosh! Like, I thought she was going to call the bloke or somethin'!" I'm actually very proud of the story - I wrote about feelings and love, which I very seldom do, but I still didn't think it was so bad ! But what of importance is my thoughts, the teacher will probably hate it anyway... Perhaps I'll try to translate it to English sometime and mail it to you!

You? A greebo? Oh! How ignorant people can be ignorant ... Makes one a bit ashamed oneself, doesn't it...

BTW, someone mentioned that a certain West End show, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang had a small mentioning on 'Have I Got News For You', but no one will tell me what it was ... Do you recall any of such a mentioning?

What I day dream about? Oh, such a question ... I dream of many things... Anything from flying to decapitating some previous class mates Why, what do you day dream about?

There, I don't think I violated any rules with this posting. Perhaps I better stop before I do (and anyway, I'm about to eat tacos )

"The prospect of a long day at the beach makes me panic. There is no harder work I can think of than taking myself off to somewhere pleasant, where I am forced to stay for hours and 'have fun'."
-Phillip Lopate

Currently listening to: Auf Weidersein Pet, I'm not watching it. Just listening to the dialogue. Too much radio, that's the problem . I'm unused to watching all these magic moving images from satan !!

Well as you never got around to guessing I'm going to tell you where I went. I went to the seaside.

Before the trip to the seaside: I love the sea!! Yay for the sea!! I'm gonna enjoy myself so much!!
After the trip to the seaside: Bl**dy sea, think's it's so big. Stupid sun, I hate you so much..

I got horribly sunburnt on the tops of my arms (the underside is as white as a sows belly) and nose. So I now look like this:
I would say that I looked like a strawberry split !

Somthing really funny did happen though. We parked up by the sea and went to look at the beach, it looked ok so we decided to pay the £1.40 for the privilage of driving the car onto the beach. We were given a ticket and I held it. I looked at it and absently said to my Dad, 'Oh look, it says that this beach is a certified nature reserve' not looking properly at what it said.

My Dad drove me and my Mum down to the very end of the beach where most of the people seemed to be going. We stopped and read this sign that was posted. 'From this point on it is allowed for naturists to practice', ok we were shocked to say the least but when a stark naked man walked in front of the car and gave us a friendly wave, I have never seen someone reverse so quickly as my Dad did just then.

As we drove back down the beach in a stunned silence, my Dad said 'Natalie.... are you sure it said... nature... reserve?'
I looked at the ticket and it said 'Designated Naturist Area, Far end West Beach as signposted.'
I slid down in my seat and wet myself laughing.

Besides that; My Mum spent the entire time collecting uninteresting pebbles and driftwood, My Dad spent the entire time encouraging my Mum to collect uninteresting pebbles and driftwood and beating me up ( I always fight back but he always ends up making me cry and look like an idiot)and casting worried glances down the beach in the naturist's direction , I spent the entire time being made to collect uninteresting pebbles and driftwood. My parents refuse to fork out for that sort of thing for the garden .

The only plus side was that I felt really froody in my new t-shirt, trousers (ok, I know it was the beach but they were new), socks and shoes

We also saw a woman and her son crabbing with a whole chicken They attacted a whole chicken to the end of a crab line and were catching crabs with it. That was weird because you usually put a little peice of bacon on the end, a whole chicken? Now that is weird !!

Ahh, a guest said somthing about someone (probably Tony Blair) looking like the child catcher from chitty chitty bang bang. I think that was what you were tallking about..

Your story sounds really good! Please do translate it and e-mail it to me, honestly, I want to read it!

Hmm, what do I day dream about? Err, I dunno Oh wait, Hannibal Lecter, maiming two certain treacherous friends who lied to me yesterday with blatant carelessness and selfishness towards everyone but themselves (ahem), Anthony Hopkins, Chocolate, Hannibal, Anthony Hopkins, me as an attractive person and err, Anthony Hopkins .

Thankgod someone else understands me! I am not a greebo, that's a social status and I don't believe in social status'.

That's all for now folks!!

-R.G.W
[RESEARCHER.GONE.WRONG]

Currently listening to: "Perhaps Love" with Bryn Terfel and Michael Ball "Perhaps love is like a window/Perhaps an open door/It invites you to come closer/It wants to show you more..." Oh, I'll soon be weeping all over the place

The seaside? Salt water and the blazing sun? *Hisses* That's not good (And I guess the people in their "birthday suits" didn't boost the fun ) Okay, so I love swimming, but salt water doesn't taste any good as you gulp it down I rather a clean, big, preferably empty (save for the water) pool any day. Although I do not feel comfortable wearing a tiny bikini - maybe I should start swimming, wearing a cape or something. Now there's an idea It would probably slow me down, but imagine the style ! *Manical laughter* "He's heeere, the Phantom of the Opeeeeraaa!" *SPLASH!*

Today was the English exam I did not care much for the tasks. We should choose one writing task, and in the end I went for one where we should write a personal text concerning our relationships to pets, and what they have taught us. In my intro I boasted a bit of how many different spieces I have owned so far (cats, rabbits, guppies, budgiebirds, a lot of fish I don't know the name of, a hamster and a frog) and then I told of the charming events that happens when you are the happy owner of certain pets (ex.: when Sussi had kittens in a pile of my favourite shirts...) It suddenly struck me that it was exactly the same kind of task I had in 3rd grade! Now there's progress for ya...

I'm not terribly pleased with the text, but I hope Prof. Petter is. But, as the Norwegian dude said in the Lord of the Rings: "So what? I care not." I'm keeping cool Know what songlyrics always enters my head on exams and important tests?

Is that all there is?
If that's all there is, my friends,
Then let's keep dancing.
Let's break out the booze
And have a ball
If that's all
There is ...
(By Leiber and Stoller)

It has become a sort of anthem for me - a terrifying isn't it? I actually get quite relaxed when I think of the text (except, "breaking out the booze"-part ) I hear the piano and everything in my head

Sorry, I feared this would happen . It is so hot here that my brain has evaporated . Please... Keep... Calm. Everything is under control. Don't Panic... Don't Panic... Don't Panic... I'll go drink some orange juice to replase the missing liquid in my head...

"Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?"
-Charlie McCarthy (1903 - 1978), (Edgar Bergen)

"When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?'"
-Don Marquis (1878 - 1937)

Currently listening to: My Dad complaining to my Mum about the amount of time I spend on the computer .

Hmm, the 400m butterfly in a cape? Well our school's annual swimming contest is coming up, it would be the perfect time to express my indidviduality (well, your individuality) to all.

I am currently in the middle of a 'bake fest' where I use everything in the cupboards to create new and individual dishes. Such as last years 'salmon and skittle pie' or 1998's 'egg fried beetroot.'
This year I am doing more of a sweet variety, such as my 'condensed milk and coconut puffs' (I tried them and I spat them out over my Dad), but then I also did some traditional sweets. I'm in the middle of making a chocolate fudge cake and shortbread .

It's a kind of illness that comes around once every year, everyone has excepted it and just doesn't come round to my house on that day . What can ya do?

I have only a single fish now, he's 9 years old and is called Fishy. I wasn't a very imaginative child . Everything else has died on me . I'm fine honestly, I've just got a little somthing in my eye ! *wild emotional sobbing which causes passers by to stare*

I am extremely angry at some of my (ex)friends, they betrayed me like Judas betrayed Jesus (I'm not comparing myself to Jesus you understand, just a figure of speech ). They called me sad, weird and 'in need of a life.'
So I got myself a life. I am now Eric, a 44 yearold bank accountant from Swindon . I still burn with rage but I have moved on.
I am no longer the bitter, twisted, Hannibal loving psycopath of yesterday. I am now Eric, a 44 yearold bank accountant from Swindon.

My brain evaporated years ago, I managed just fine without it though . Hee hee! I'm sure you did fine though. You're the smartest person I know *puts on an inane grin that causes passers by to stare*

I think my short bread is burning, better go and look. Mmm, burnt short bread.... Speak to you later.

-R.G.W
[RESEARCHER.GONE.WROMG]

Currently listening to: My sister agonizing about the state of her bike

Tine has must go with her class on a perversely long bike ride, a sort of Class Trip From Hell . Our family isn't famous for our athletic accomplishments - myself, I don't find bike rides that rewarding. Yes, of course I'm meant to use my red, rusty bike when I travel to school every day (I do not, though I persuaded my mother to drive me each day), but I just isn't fit. I rather like getting driven, or I'll hitch a ride on Tine's moped, or if everything else fails; I'll walk.

Oh, I've made a discovery concerning my little furry companion, Roosta. I was about to clean his cage the other day, and I like to listen to the radio while I do it, so I turned it on, and James Brown's "I Feel Good" was on . Suddenly Roosta leaps out of his little house, goes to its roof, and starts making rythmic movements along to the music. You know, small punches in the air, etc.,
He continued doing this all the while the song was playing, and scuttered back to his hiding place when it was over. I and Sheila have now giving him the title, "Roosta: The GodHamster of Soul" I'm not sure why he reacted to the song, perhaps it was the particular bass frequens or something (of course I have no idea what I'm talking about) I think my weird behaviour have suddenly left their mark on my pets

A Norwegian channel is sending another season of Buffy; The Vampire Slayer I'm not sure what to think yet. I was a big fan of this the last season, but this season ... (This is where she has just started on College or somethin') Was she so "blonde" before? So shallow? Was it the same, dull, mindless humour nack then? It's suddenly not so appealing
Maybe it's because I don't like the broadcasting of cruelty to other vampires...
Though I am relieved Spike is back. Even Giles ... There you got me: Slap a British accent on any male actor in an American serie, and you've trapped me. Because them two are, believe it or not, my favourite characters there. ...

It's baking hot here. A class mate, Siri, invited me on a refreshing swim in the nearest sea, but I have to go down to the band rehearsal. I can't believe I let all that cool, nice water down (was longing to show off my nice cape, too )... And I don't have any time to go swimmin' any other days this week neither. Tomorrow's the math exam I hate math. I can't use my crazy imagination.

So, er Erik. How's Swindon at this time of year? So, er... Nah, I miss Nate Please come back. Who needs a life, anyway? I've got some for ya...

"Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months."
-Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)

Currently listening to: The distant, far off sounds (ok the next room) of the Queens Jubilee party thing on tv. Ha ha! We've got a 4 day bank holiday an you don't! Actually I get the entire week off!

*grabs the cake* Mmmwff, das good cake...! All this for lil old me?! You like me, you really like me! I'm so touched I'm gonna cry

Because of one girl named Tilly, Nate Wood has decided to leave her life as Eric from Swindon and be herself once more *the crowds advance menacingly on Tilly*. If it wasn't for Tilly I wouldn't be here now... *crowds start to hurl things at Tilly, Tilly runs*

Well, it's that time of year again. The summer birthdays. We have a little group of friends at school and our birthdays are grouped together (It's coincidence, we don't choose our friends by their birthday's.)There's one in winter (Me and Chloe, if you wanna buy presents) and there's one in summer (Vickie, Sarah and (formerly) Lauren). It's the summer ones now, which meant I had to go through the whole ordeal of shopping.

Every time I go shopping I always end up with a headache !
All those people, wandering around, blissfully ignorant as far as my reign of terror is concerned. I can't shop like a woman is supposed to. My Mum floats around the place in some kind of trance... it annoys me to no end.

I got Vickie: *roots through her shopping bags to look* umm, a clipboard (you have to see it to fully appreciate it) with floating goldfish in it, an orange pen, and err orange floaty things and a book (Wicca, the religion)
I got Sarah: a silver doggie frame, loadsa bath stuff (all purply blue) a purse and a silver pen.

I decided to Colour co-ordinate this year.

"Roosta: The GodHamster of Soul" incredible!
I found that I got the most lively response with Max whenever I played Isaac Hayes 'Shaft' theme tune... he'd get all suave and start doing a little dance. He got particulary funky at the bit which goes: "Who's a sexmachine to all the chicks,... Shaft!"
Which worried me to no end..

Seeing as I live half an hours drive away from the school and I don't have a trendy sister to take me to school on her moped (A moped!! Wow!) I have no choice but to get the bus. Sure I could walk but I'd have to wake up the day before to get started. The buses are as clean as rubbish tip (Ok, that's slightly unfair. Rubbish tips have really pulled themselves together lately, much cleaner), for example, I sat on gum the other day. And it completely ruined my only skirt. See what I mean? It's gross !

I hate my bike too. I look like one of those midgets on tricycles. My bike is so small for me that my legs are hooked around my ears!
I use my Dad's sometimes, which is a lurid Orange (so bright you could signal in planes with it) and use it to scare small children and wildlife.

I watched Monty Python last night. The one about the answer to life, It was jolly good ("I say, my leg's gone. Hmm, oh well...")and I was having a very jolly time, jolly good fun was what I was jolly well having. Anyone can jolly well tell you that I was having a jolly jolly time. Excessive use of the word jolly? Nah!

Gak, I've gone right off Buffy. I think I've seen too many episodes for my own good (namely 5). Although there are some pretty fit guys on it ; when you see the fabled Jonathan and Warren, you'll know what I'm talking about...*winks suggestively then shakes her head ('NO! NO! I'n NOT coming on to you! I swear!!') violently*

The weather over here is pretty dire. Rain, rain, rain and... you gottit... hurricanes, oh wait, I meant to say: rain. We need some thunder around here! You thought I was going to say "We need some sunshine around here!" But you see, I hate the sun. I'm sure we have vampires in the family somewhere, I always suspected my uncle Ewin but that's drifting off the subject. The point is that the sun is horrible, don't like the sun!

Well that's my little rant done for today. Your turn...

Good luck with your Math exam! I'm sure you shall do well. Besides even if you don't do well cardboard boxes aren't that bad to live in! Plus I will make sure they don't reposess your towel when you become in massive debt. I'm only joking, you'll do great !

Bye!

-R.G.W
[RESEARCHER.GONE.WRONG]

Currently listening to: My sister singing "How Sweet to Be An Idiot" while packing her bags for the class trip.

Hmph. I've just come home from my math exam (except I showered, changed clothes and ate half a box of After Eights) and I think I'll go find a suitable cardboard box I can move into when my parents have finally had it with me and throws me out . To shorten it: I don't think the exam went very well. My memory went blank the instant I recieved the papers ("Er... What's my name again? ) and my pen even started leaking when I started to write! And as I glanzed outside now and then, watching the blue, cloudless sky, the warming sun, the singing birds "and I think to myself, what a wonderful world"

Okay, I don't think it was "catastrophe-bad", more like "that'll-sure-hurt-tomorrow-bad". I will survive. "- For as long as I know how to love, I know I'm still alive" So aaaaanyway...

*Fends off raging mob * Let's sit down and discuss this quietly... *Ducks a flying shoe* I only want to say -- Agh! *Gets hit by a passing mug* So be that way! *Runs for cover*

I know what you mean, shopping is torture! When my mother drag me into some fashionable shop, you can see me, just like a kid, tugging at her coat and begging, "Mum..! I wanna go somewhere else..! Let's do something fun..! This is boring..!" And she turns to me, "but shopping IS fun, isn't it?" (That's not a question, it's more like a command) But it's all about what kind of shop I'm in, really. Just drop me off at Tanum (it's a GIGANTIC book shop in Oslo) and you can find me there, wandering around and grinning insanely for hours and hours ... But I wouldn't call it shopping, although you'll never find me leaving with empty hands. There's even a really good all Science Fiction/Fantasy bookshop right by...

It's just as hot right now... I actually went to school today wearing sandals - I shocked all my class mates
Class mate: "OMG! Tilde! You're wearing sandals!"
Me: "Yeah? So? I see you're wearing sandals too."
Class mate: "But... you! You never wear things like that. You never go out wihout socks! You -- You never wear, like, summer clothing!"
*Sigh*

I can see my sister's leg sticking out of a bag. I better go help her packing...

"I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally."
-W. C. Fields (1890 - 1946)

"The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television."
-Unknown

I just deleted 8 paragraphs of work!!! I cannot believe it.. all because my Dad wanted to look at some photo's of bl**dy pinball machines (long story). You'd think that it would come up in a new window, but oh no. Mr Gates decided that it would be better if all his windows followers would loose their postings because of their impatient fathers rather than go to the trouble of making it come up in a new window. Now I have to type the whole thing out again from memory . Here it goes:

Currently listening to: Daytime teevee . "Oh John I love you so, we must keep our love a secret as Erin will find out" "Oh Katie, I cannot be with you because I am really a woman" "Oh John, I no longer care about your past. The important thing is that we're together, take me under the disco ball!" It really is dire.

Ugh, daytime teevee . I don't say tv like normal people I say teevee, sounds cooler .

I'm sure you didn't do as bad as you said you did. In fact I am positive that you did great!

*helps Tilly fend off a raging mob* You like my new nickname? *dodges an on-coming shoe* I am no longer Eric from Swindon, I am now: Researcher gone wrong (Formerly Eric from Swindon).*gets whacked by someones towel* Hey, do you mind? I'm trying to talk here *cowers under the gaze of a feirce looking Ford Prefect* Umm, Tilly. I think we should... run like hell! *Runs away as fast as possible, with Tilly lagging behind* Wayhey! In my imagination, I'm a pretty fast runner...!

Bweh, It's Sarah's Birthday today. That means I have to endure her ice skating birthday party. I can't skate, it takes me an hour to get a quarter of the way round. And when it's time to get off the ice, there's never an opening so I have to either spend a further hour getting to the next doorway or I either climb over the wall and break my arm. Decisions decisions...

A TYPICAL SHOPPING TRIP WITH NATE AND A FRIEND:

I always spend my time in the bookshop. When I shop with my illiterate friends I have the joy of explaining to them who Douglas Adams is and why I am buying these 'books'. Or I have to explain who Thomas Harris is and why I am fondling the book lovingly (Which usually creeps them out so much that they won't be alone with me in the room, in case I eat their brains or somthing )and why I fancy a 63 year old Welsh man. Then I spend another hour browsing through the travel writing section while I listen to them making comments about me and Bill Bryson sitting in a tree, k..i..s..s..i.., well you get the idea.

Then I have to go with them while they browse through various peices of hankercheif sized material (apparantly it's called a dress) and dental floss (apparantly it's called a bikini)in shops with stupid, fruity-girly names like Tammy or Miss Selfridge's. Then I have to go with them while they look in Claires Accessories and the like.

Then I get to drag them off to computer shops, to check out the latest games or accessories for my rock, where they make comments about me and 'the sims guy' sitting in a tree. It usually ends up with me having a screaming fit at them and them not talking to me for a week. Wanna go shopping sometime ?

I hope that you helped with your sister's leg sticking out of the bag, was the rest of her attatched to the leg? Do you get to go home to eat lunch ?

My Dad is making me draw, I don't know why but I'm apparantly supposed to be practising every day . I must admit, I am in need of practice, we shall see what the day produces. And if it's a good picture (or sketch or whatever) I shall scan it in and e-mail it to you . That way you can see what a terrible artist I am...

I've gotta go now and eat somthing. Bye!

-R.G.W
[RESEARCHER.GONE.WRONG]

I have my own Quote of the Day today:
"Women makes us love. Loving makes us sad.
Sadness makes us drink, and drinking makes us mad..."
- Michael Ball in the movie "England, My England".
Sorry, that quote hasn't left my head all day for some reason. I thought if I actually wrote it down it would leave my mind and transfer into the computer

Currently listening to: The "Rage of the Heart"-album starring Michael Ball and Claire Moore "...All will be well/Exploring eavch mystery/And we'll live/inventing history..." *Heartfelt sigh*

My sister is now away on her Class Trip From Hell I must add I would not like to be in her shoes right now (they're too big for me anyway ) But I have to prepare for my own class trip. On Monday to Wednesday I'll be trapped on the Buer Island - it'll have a shop where we can by fruit, an outdoor loo and a hose to supply us with clean water Yay... The school has a yearly trip to the unhabited island - this is the first time I will come with them. I'm not sure if I'm looking forward to it... We're about 50 persons, and we have two tents (rather big, I'm told, but nonetheless...) so it may weel be I'll decide to sleep under the stars
We won't get any tasks. No assignements. The teachers will keep themselves to themselves, and we have to try to entertain ourselves. Soup each day . Again, "Yay."
Sorry, but I'm not the kind of person who can just jump right down the "basics" - I love sleeping in a soft, clean bed (instead of a dirty sleeping bag with holes and spiders), shower when I wake up (instead of being throwed into the surounding sea) and a nice dinner with potatoes, sauce, the works... I'll bring a ton of books and paper, as I've been told you'll be begging for anything to make the time pass after only five minutes

But at least I will travel with friends and I know we will leave, having learned some vital and personal information about ourselves ... Yeah, right

Cool way to say it: "teevee" - it shows you're a rebel at heart, you'll do everything as original as possible... I like that Too bad I'm such a sucker for capital letters myself, so I think I'll stay with "TV". But I don't write it "T.V." mind you! Oh, the rush of adrenaline !

I was indeed very foolish to wear my sandals As I've weared it throughout the day, it has gradually rubbed off practically all the skin on my foot Aow. I remembered why I do not care for sandals - I get hurt all too often. But hey - I shocked my classmates even more when I took off my sandals and walked the rest of the day barefoot - I stepped in broken glass, but I still feel good

I must go now. I have a gig with the Drownin' Ducks tonight

"There is a strength in the union even of very sorry men."
-Homer (~700 BC), The Iliad

I'm sorry, I can't write anything now . I had written a really long posting and I deleted it all . I have to get off now or I shall be in deep trouble . Just want to say: Good Luck with your gig and tell the other band members (you told me thier names but I went and forgot them ) that I wish them luck, have a great time.

Bye

-R.G.W
[RESEARCHER.GONE.WRONG]

"Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein."
-Joe Theisman, Former quarterback

"Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead."
-Erma Bombeck

Currently listening to: The World Cup spectators chanting "Rule Brittania", ooh the excitement! I can hardly contain myself... yes, we are still in the lead (weird or what? A bit like this flying tomato , why is it flying? No one knows )

Currently reading: Bill Bryson, 'Neither Here Nor There'. I'm at the bit where he's in, um, lemme check. Ah here it is, I'm at the bit where he's in Oslo.
Brief summary of chapter: Talks about a cinema in Oslo, says that he wasn't allowed to sit in a certain seat, talks about somthing called 'Bio Tex Blå' () and him using it for various things not having a clue what it is, then he talks about various nation's 'little contrivances', then he talks about the tv presenters in Oslo, then the Thomas Cook European Timetable then talks about his own puzzlement in general.

Englands new(ish) coach Sven Goran Erikkson has done us a load of good, we're actually winning matches now !

Oh yeah Tilly, I'm a rebel. I'm a bad bad girl, I don't conform to normal television pronounciation. I say... teevee , the most rebellious thing I have ever done was walk up the left hand stairway when told not to .

I am actually fine when it comes to getting back down to the "basics", I go camping every year 'en famille' where we spend 2-4 weeks in a small stuffy tent in the middle of nowhere. I'm very good and rarely complain, except when I have to stop reading and actually go somewhere.

NEWS JUST IN: WE WON!! WE WON!! WE ONE!! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! WE DIDN'T LOOSE!! YAY!!, we haven't beaten Argentina sice 1966!
*Grabs the nearest boy available*

Ahem, now that crazyness is over lets get back to the original issue. Erm, what was the original issue ?

Oh yes! Your sandal trauma!



Tsk tsk, terrible business that. Dr Lecter MD say's: I advise you don't wear sandals for a while, I know that it will be hard to give them up. It will be difficult but I am sure you can live without them for a while . That way you will not be troubled by blisters and other maladies of the foot .

I'm not making any sense today am I? I'm going to sleep over at Vickies today, I'll speak to you tommorow. Byee!

-R.G.W
[RESEARCHER.GONE.WRONG]

Currently listening to: My mother's snoring by the couch

Ah, I see by today's newspaper "Becham Strikes Back!" and a picture where it looks like he has the hiccups... So his foot is allright now, then? Finally the world can move on ... I mentioned I saw it by today's NEWSPAPER - it's finally back ! It's been a national journalists' strike for almost two weeks now (meaning no newspapers whatsoever ) and yesterday the quarrels where solved and we got our newspapers back! *Strokes fresh newspaper* There, there... We will never be parted again... *Hugs newspaper, as Tine backs slowly away with a frightened look on her face*

Sorry, I'm totally lost without my daily newspapers... I read (Norway's best-selling newspaper) VG, each day, and on Saturday's I treat myself with the second best-selling and slightly more expensive newspaper: Dagbladet (="Day Magazine")... Today I even read the pages I don't really find interesting (ie. the sports), just to celebrate that IT'S BACK! Wahoo! Yay!

Sorry again, I'll stop ranting about newspapers... I've been shopping with my sister and mum today I simply couldn't escape. I got home with some white pants, and a yellow dress that looks like someone just found it in an old chest that hasn't been opened since the 1920s... I've been told it's very fashionable, and anyway it was the only dress in the whole store that was a bit comfortable. I think I like it

'Bio Tex Blå'? Never heard of it. It's obviously something blue, but what I can't imagine. It sounds like something my father would recognise. I'll remember to ask him when he comes back from the store.

I better be going now; I have a gigantic newspaper to get through today... Oh boy!

"Editor: a person employed by a newspaper, whose business it is to separate the wheat from the chaff, and to see that the chaff is printed."
-Elbert Hubbard

"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper."
-Jerry Seinfeld

Currently listening to: Jazz fm, some random piece of jazz. I'm too tired to be taking down names

Yes, his foot is better now . They pay Beckham so much he had better be in top form. I'm not a big footy fan but it's at times like this when I believe it is necessary to support ones country. It's not like it's every week, if it was I think I'd go mad.

I would curl up and die if there was a journalists' strike. I wouldn't be able to manage if they took away my papers. You are so brave, how did you do it? I used to love the smell of a fresh newspaper in the morning, but as I now deliver them I have got on bad footing with them. Papercuts and ink stains have made me resent the paper .

I read whatever my parents give me, Daily mail etc. I never read The Sun though, I don't approve of anything that is in it, I presume you know all about The Sun's 'page 3' ?

I mostly read a magazine called 'Private eye', I guess it's like the magazine version of 'Nytt på nytt' or 'Have I Got News For You', the Editor is actually one of the regulars, Ian Hyslop, on 'Have I Got News For You'. Back to Private Eye, it comes out fortnightly but is so good that people can read it for 2 weeks without tiring of it

I'm in DEEP trouble! I have missed four textiles lessons (four hours) so I'm WAY behind on my wall hanging, which is our current textiles project. It's going to have to be finished by Tuesday and it's 8:15 on Saturday evening! It's a wall hanging on 'Me and the Environment', who comes up with these projects? The most difficult and awkward ones are favourites with our teachers .

I had a lot of fun at Vickies party, we didn't go to sleep but ended up doing pressups and situps at around ...um...3 o'clock in the morning , we were all in a strange frame of mind. We had a lot of fun with Vickie's new DVD player (I know! Wow, lucky or what?!) and her Harry Potter DVD. We were freezing it at the bit where Oliver Wood is jumping about all over the bludgers and wrestling them to the ground, and we were pausing it at the bit where he seemed to be doing vigourous pelvic thrusts at the screen and also when he starts rolling about on the grass. Vickie is such a good pal, she's lent me 'The Silence Of The Lambs' and says I can borrow Hannibal whenever I want .

White pants as in trousers or the other kind of pants I'm sure your dress looks fine. My Mum would have more of a chance of flying to the moon than get me in a dress. I only wear skirts to school but I NEVER wear dresses. It's a taboo subject between me and my Mum. We just don't talk about it, she knows it will end up in tears (Yeah, me tearing the dress to shreds )

I am going to go and work on my wall hanging now! I really need to hurry up and get it done. Put your skates on Nate ! Bye for now!

-R.G.W
[RESEARCHER.GONE.WRONG]

Currently listening to: Once again, my mother's snoring

I have to be quick today, as I'm living for Buer Island tomorrow ... I've gotta pack my bags, check the sleeping bag, take a shower, make feeding arrangements for Roosta, find four books to bring with me so I got something to read at all times... and much more

Oh, how I'll miss my bed with clean white sheets, gigantic soft pillow, the blanket... *Sigh* As I said, I'm not good at go for the basic. I'm no Tarzan. Three days and two nights without a proper bed, a desent meal, chokolate, tea , a table, and -- OMG! No computer! No net connection! I don't wanna go! I don't wanna leave my prehistoric rock! Noooo!!!

Okay, I'll bring FIVE books for extra comfort and perhaps a notepad if I should suddenly find a flow of inspiration... And I'm bringing my tarot deck - I've promised a a lot of classmates to read their fortune... Sadly enough, the rumour says that Prof. Petter can't join us, or else the line "I see a tall, dark, handsome male..." would be perfect

I saw a bit of advertising for 'Private Eye' when I was in London, and believe me when I say that I thought "Oh, that looks interesting, I've gotta go buy that when I've got some more money tonight", but sadly, forgot to do it I'll make a note of it next time

" -- we were pausing it at the bit where he seemed to be doing vigourous pelvic thrusts at the screen --" I think I must have missed that one Although it was in a dark cinema, and I were busy making irritated noises and gestures to the screen ... (I'm NOT a Harry Potter fan I think it was a desent made movie, but I still don't like the concept of HP)

So... I've allready spent too much time with my rock now. It's time to say goodbye ... Oh, and you probably won't hear from me in three days, but you gotta be strong! I know it sounds impossible, but you can do without me! So just keep your wits about you for three days, and I'll try to do the same . And good luck with your textile project!

That's all for now

"Heeeere's Johnny!" I'm back, but am currently all too tired to press my fingers to the keyboard . Oh gosh... (Three days, five meals and four hours of sleep )

GOSH, DO YOU REMEMBER THE WIZARD OF OZ?
'Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first
woman she meets and then teams up with three complete strangers to kill again.'
Unknown, Marin County newspaper's TV listing for "The Wizard of Oz"

I HAVE BEEN TOLD SOME VERY ODD FACTS ABOUT CHRISTIANS TODAY, SOME REALLY SCARED THE PANTS OFF ME!
'The trouble with born-again Christians is that they are an even bigger pain the second time around.'
Herb Caen

Currently listening to: My continuous ,and quite frankly annoying, sniffing. My nose is really runny today , ok, too much information there.

I will have to break the news gently to you. Truls is a great lad, funny, witty, caring and very attractive (Or so I have been told) but this union of him and my cousin will never be. No she hasn't gotten married, no she hasn't joined a nun's convent in Nebraska what she has done, smells, cries and poops a lot.

That's right! She's pregnant, the little tyke is going to be born around December. Nate is gonna be a great Cousin (again)!! It has caused a great stir amongst the older members of our family, they are the only deeply religious ones. The real problem is, none of us have a clue who the father is. I certainly hope that Nina does...

I hope you have a great time when you leave . I'm not quite sure when that is exactly, but have a great time none the less. Don't worry, at least you'll have your towel!

I got the latest Private Eye, well my Mum got it for me. Ahh the hilarity !!

I'm NOT a big Harry Potter fan, the only reason I went to see it was because I fancy the guy who plays Oliver Wood (Sean Biggerstaff)and my friend Owen was in it. He's never gonna stop talking about it...

I have been lent The Silence Of The Lambs by Vickie, I'm watching it now. Well, semi watching it. It's at the bit where he's put on the other man's face...lemme just watch this little bit .... ooh! A shiver down my spine, not terror mind you. The same kind of shiver you get when you meet Micheal Ball I suppose, but mine isn't such a big shiver, um, why are we talking about shivering

Back to what I was saying: the blood is glistening off his pale white skin as he moves his musclar hands in time to Bach's, The Goldberg Variations... eyes closed and swaying slightly, fallen bodies behind him, their faces sheilded by their arms...*shivers*

I shall try to keep my wits about me, I'm not promising anything so if I come back to you with a stick through my head or somthing equally witless you will know what happened . I'm in such a strange mood today

Byeee! Have loadsa fun !!!

-R.G.W
[RESEARCHER.GONE.WRONG]

I had written loads, but I appearantly "performed an illegal operation" - so I gotta start anew! I hate my rock ...

Currently listening to: That 'Kiss, kiss' song - God, how I hate it. I actually liked Tarkan's Turkish version a few years back, but "that lady" has completely ruined it.

And BTW, I have been on that trip - I was there from Monday to yesterday. But never mind, it was awful! Imagine my dinner: A small plastic plate with scolding hot vegetable soup, a plastic cup with even hotter (and nasty) tea , A slice of moist bread, a knife and a fork... Now add that you haven't got anywhere to sit, not even a place to put anything down ! There were 50 persons, four benches, the ground was wet, and we weren't allowed to bring food into the tents... I didn't eat that meal. No, I actually ate the bread, after I'd managed to spill the soup over my pants...

And then we didn't have enough wood to keep the camp fire alive! Yesterday we woke up to the cold, freezing ashes. Luckily Juma (my class' Casanova) let us burn his socks "Well, better than washing them..." And we did dispose of a lot of garbage...

But then there were so many that had decided to "døgne" - that means staying awake for 24 hours . Of course they had to do a lot of energizing activity (jumping, dancing, singing, etc) during the long hours of the night, but who got the brilliant idea that they'd do it in the sleeping tent?! I can't remember what I yelled at them, but it sure wasn't pretty . When I'm sleepy, I first get giggly, then cross and then paranoid - I experienced all three two nights in a row . I did join in on the showing of the movie, though. It felt rather neat when we sat in our sleeping bags in the dark forest while a movie projected the Danish thriller "The Nightguard" on a white bed sheet tied between to trees... I'm so brave ("Yeah, right")

To add up what I've done these three days: Told the same ghost stories over and over ('The Strangling Doll' was actually so popular people woke me up in the night just to hear me tell it ), dozed off in the tent , read , gotten chased by swans (they're actually pretty mean ), fished crabs, and showed off my tarot skills. The last one was also very popular. People just stormed into my tent at all hours begging me to read their fortune. It got a bit tiresome in the end so I told all crossly that the spirits was asleep (even though it was mostly me) One even told me while I laid our the spread "You know you're going to Hell for this, right?" I was pretty tired at this stage so I said quietly without looking up, "Then I'm pretty sure you will too, since this is the fifth time you beg me to read your fortune..."

Prof. Petter joined in on the trip after all - he let me read his newspapers (even though that's still a mistery to me; We were isolated from civilisation, but he still managed to have freshly printed newspapers each day ) Afterwards people came to me to hear the news in the world.
Listener: "And what more?"
Me: "Oh, and Macca is to be married today."
Listener: "Who??"
Me: "Oh, I mean Paul McArtney."
Listener: "Still, who??"
Me: "You know... the cutest one in the Beatles!"
Listener: "Beatles?? What on earth's that??"
eventually I got into a mad yelling fit and she backed away...

Aw. I ought to tell Truls the bad news - he'll be heartbroken. No, wait, I never told him of the plans

I gotta go to band rehearsal. My sister had an accident earlier today including a box of salsa, a tin opener and her finger. We're still in the planning part as to how she'll play bass... she's allright

So anway, I gotta go! Bye!

"An author is a fool who, not content with boring those he lives with, insists on boring future generations."
-Charles de Montesquieu

"Have you ever observed that we pay much more attention to a wise passage when it is quoted than when we read it in the original author?"
-Philip G. Hamerton, "The Intellectual Life"

"I love quotations because it is a joy to find thoughts one might have, beautifully expressed with much authority by someone recognized wiser than oneself."
-Marlene Dietrich

Currently listening to: Nothing in particular, I'm currently logged onto the jazz fm website. Not sure what I'm listening to exactly, just um, stuff. Oh wait, I know what this one is! It's 'Could It Be I'm Falling In Love', I'm not sure who it's by though

Ugh, I feel terrible . I'm tired, queasy, paranoid and generally feeling pretty skanky. I feel somewhat depressed, can't imagine why!

Ugh! Sounds like hell ! How you coped without good tea and cake I shall never know. You are truely an inspiration to us all on h2g2.

We're going to the La Somme battlefields in a few weeks. I am so glad we are going to France for only the day.
Cons: We do have to get up at 2-3.00 in the morning. Spend the whole day with my quite frankly attractive teacher, trying not to stare at him the whole time but be geniunely interested in these little holes that we are supposed to be looking at..
Pro's: Get's us out of school and um, that's it.

"Umm, you're gonna go to hell!" I get that all the time whenever I offer to do peoples tarot. It's only understandable if you offer to do it for them and they're religious or have some other plausable exscuse .

That 'Kiss, kiss' song was drummed into my head when I went to Turkey a few years ago. They played it everywhere you went . Oh and "that lady" is Holly Valance, she plays Flick in 'Neighbors' and is extremely annoying . Speaking of which, Neighbors is on now. The church is on fire and Flick is rescuing the female vicar and the man with whom she is having an affair, who was trapped and was having a makeout session in the closet unaware the church is burning down around them.

Every time I do a 'døgne' my mood and state of mind goes somewhat like this: tired, sleepy, hyper, emotoinal, queasy, hungry, tired, paraniod, sleepy then asleep.

Hmm. A box of salsa, a tin opener and her finger... that is a puzzling one! Care to elaborate?

Not much to say today, I am in a state of perpetual confusion. I'm going to watch the rest of 'The Silence..' before I stop making sense.. am I making sense, brr wiffle schloorp?

-R.G.W
[RESEARCHER.GONE.WRONG]

Currently listening to: Michael Ball's Earliest version of 'One Step Out of Time'

Today I got back some comments of a book review I delivered to my Norwegian teacher. The book was the first Sherlock Holmes book by Doyle, "A Study in Scarlet". You know what she told me?? "You simply guessed that the reader allready knew who Sherlock Holmes was"! What else can you do?? I think I wrote something like this :"...This is where he [Dr. Watson] first meets the clever, young, eccentric master detective Sherlock Holmes. The famous deerstalker-clad character with a lupe is currently the world's most portrayed fictional character, as in other books, movies, cartoons, even computer games..." And that's a fact! It's written in the book of records! And even if it had been some other character, I still think I had described him enough for the reader! Can someone give me a guide to how those teachers think and expect of me? For I haven't got the foggiest!

Okay, I've let out some steam now. I even had another encounter with a teacher and a book today: I had an 5-minutes oral book report for Prof. Petter. I told of 'Last Chance To See...' by Adams. The easy part was simply to deliver the actual book report - the terrifying part is when he starts to ask some damn intelligent questions Then your task is to answer them just as intelligently (without a single Norwegian word ) He gave me an encouraging pat on the back when I was finished and said "Very nice, Tilly." (He's the only teacher that calls me by my preferred name) So I guesss it went all right. My oral grades in English appearantly depended on this one, so... Life is good

I used to watch Neighbours when I was about, I don't know, seven . It was the "only" thing that was on the telly right when I came home from school. I could neither undertand English nor read anything at the time, so I'm not sure why I at all watched it instead of running out to play

Okay, here's the little accident that happened yesterday: We were to eat a little thing we prefer to call "Spiced-meat-thingy" It's simply spiced minced meat with bread. Yesterday we wanted the meat to have a nice mexican (taco) taste, therefore the salsa. It was in that sort of jam glass with a lid we simply couldn't open, we did all those small tricks that was supposed to help, but they didn't. In the eand, out of sheer frustration, we simply grabbed a fork and stabbed the lid over and over. Tine then tried to rip off the lid with a tin opener, it slid and she got a gash along her index finger. It bled like crazy but appearantly wasn't very damaged. She bandaged her hand (making it imposible to move) and later ate the "Salsa she had paid with her blood"

Excuse me, the band has a concert tomorrow and I gotta go practise. We're playing 'My Guy', 'Go Down Gamblin'', 'Ballroom Blitz', 'Simply the Best', 'Son of a Preacherman', 'Proud Mary', 'Love is Alive', 'Still Got the Blues', 'Not Thatt Kind', 'You Got the Bucks', 'Black Magic Woman', 'In the Summertime' and much, much more, so no wonder I'll be tireing myself out tonight... Oh! Have we no shame! Well, we're gonna play one of our own songs; 'Keep up with the Joneses' (it's not as good as any of the others, but some self-composed material is essential )

Ta!