h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*The tomb is dark, dim light filters down through the hole made by Lylax's fall. There are four skeletal soldiers lying within the chamber, there armour long since rusted away to nothing. There is only one way out, a pathway leading up and out of the hill, and there is a stone door, shut tight, at the far end of the room*

I'm going to have Squall, Link, and Roll MST this.



[Link] Wait ... aren't they supposed to try to find this place?

[Squall] No, we're starting at the end.

[Roll] Eh, they must not have had a budget for "on the way there."

*A small peice of paper is lying on the floor. It was written by Lylax. It says: [Attention people. I couldn't wait for you so I've pressed on deeper, the entrance seems to be a trap door: it only lets you in, not out, so I'm pretty much stuck. I'm trying to find a new way out. Once I'm out, I'll come back for you, in the mean time, see if there's any treasure around, Valnar was really rich, and he was suppossed to possess a powerful amulet. You might like it, but I don't go for jewelery. Good luck!]*

Hmm... Damned place! Trust humans to build a labarinth just to put a corpse in! Hmm... Runes...
*Begins to read them*

[Roll] Whazzit say? Whazzit say?

[Squall] "This space intentionally left blank."

Ok... they say that there's a powerful artifact that was stolen from Kirinal long ago... We've gotta find it!

[Roll] Who's he talking to?

[Link] Himself, just like any other RPG hero.

[Squall] /I/ never spoke to myself! I always had someone else to talk to.

[Link] ... So did I.

[Navi] Hey! Look! Hey! Listen! Look!

Link! Over here! C'mon man! I don't trust anyone bar a Kokiri for this one... There's a seal on this wall, but I don't know how to break it... It looks like the Hylian Royal symbol, like the one on this shield I've got...
*Shows Link the shield*
Any ideas?

Hey Link, how many are in your party?

I hadn't intended that they actually be here. They were just here to MST the thing. What, you've never heard of Mystery Science Theater 3000?? Shame. But okay, here's Link, Squall, and Roll. Navi the fairy is hanging around Link. And speaking of which, Link is about twelve and a half at the moment. (5:06:49 PM on 10 February 2002). He isn't wearing the tights or the gloves he has when he's 17 yet.


[Link] Well, I've always kept this on me ... [holds out the Ocarina of Time and plays six notes on it, then the entirety of Zelda's Lullaby.]

*Swings around as the door opens*
Sweet! I gotta' get one of those...
...
Don't worry if I talk to myself, I spent over a year of my life on a Slayer Quest, It gets kinda lonely...
*Steps into the darkness beyond...*

[Link] [following] Well, off we go.

[Squall] Whatever.


The /really/ interesting thing is that Link's been around for a bit and has had time for characterisation, Roll's been here for a really short time and already she's got enough character to fill a star cruiser, and Squall's been here for slightly longer than Roll and I don't even know his favorite color. (With Link it's obviously green, and with Roll it's red.)

Lovely! It's dark, dank and dangerous... I'm beginning to like it here...
*slowely moves down the corridor...*

[Acompannied by some sort of appropriate sound effect, the screen swirls out of existenced. It is replaced by a battle scene against six Imps. The music is from ... hmm ... Final Fantasy ... let's say ... Ten.]

[Roll] Ack!

[Link] Aheh.

[Squall] .....

*Wonders what the commotion is*
What's going on there?
*Is leapt upon by a hoard of Imps, Goblins and simmilar*
Finally, my sword-arm needs exercise...

[Squall draws his gunblade, Link draws his sword, and Roll takes an R-Buster out of her ... skirt and puts it on her left hand. Roll fires at one of the Imps, and Link does that Spinning Blade thing at two more.]

*There is a blur of movement, and four of the leaping Imps fall dead. Lylax dives to the side, firing three arrows into the Goblins.*
Hehehe... three more to go...
*Dives back into the fray*

[[Fira]]

[Squall raises his hand, and several more imps go up in flames.]

[Roll] Bet that hurt ...

[She raises her R-Buster and fires. A yellow "pok" of energy hits an imp, annoying it slightly. Roll charges the R-Buster a bit, then fires again. A huge blast of energy vaporizes the imp.]

[Said blast of energy was blue, by the way.]

*Pulls out an Ocarina and begins to play...
[Darkness fills the chamber. A deep, unfathomable darkness that threatens to consume the souls of all who gaze into it. A shadowy figure moves within the walls...]
...and the remaining Imps flee in terror*
There! I'm done wasting time with them! I want a REAL monster!
*Strides deeper into the tomb...*