h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Um, I posted this on my space, but I'll copy the conversation here as it helps explain things (ish).

bgs: was th eparanoia post closed down by the US government for supporting the rights of taliban members to abduct aliens from area 51? where did it go? we need answers

Peregrin: I could tell you, but I would have to kill you. Sorry.

FABT: but enquiring minds want to know

Peregrin: The people want to know the truth!



You want THE TRUTH?

YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!!!



Um... OK. Here's the rumours, but the public will have to judge the truth from the lies themselves.

1. I'm not able to have much time on h2g2 at the moment.
2. Whenever I wrote a new ParanoiaPost, the moderators immediately took it down.
3. Whenever I updated an old ParanoiaPost, the moderators immediately took those down too, even though they have been moderated several times already.
4. Human/alien hybrid descendants of the pilots of the UFO that crashed in Area 51 conspired with the Cuban government to produce a dormant virus that lies in all of us after being deployed in the Middle East during the Gulf War by depleted uranium bullets, and is waiting to be activated by a remote controlled signal from a deep underground bunker holding top Russian cold war agents, and will turn everybody into vampiric madmen, controlled by communist agents hiding deep in Iraq in a disused atomic weapon manufacturing depot in a hollowed out mountain, and will be ordered to eliminate me if I continue in my quest to spread the truth to the public.

I have said too much now. I will be leaving soon. I may be some time.

ahhhh

i see. well, sorry the moderaters hate your stuff, but thanks for explaining.

hope you keep lurking at least

FABT

I certainly intend to lurk

I don't think it's that the moderators hate it, more that it's rather borderline stuff (although the worst bits have been taken out now ) and they tend to refer it to Peta to see what she thinks, at which time she points out that it's been moderated already.

*I* don't think there's anything even remotely offensive in it, but I guess it's a matter of opinion.

May write more one day, depends when I get ideas

good.

i have always liked the stuff you churn out.

mine all seems to be about food.

hopefully next year i will be able to write something interesting because i will have acess to a large uni library


how long till october 2nd?

i am counting minutes




but i'm not getting very far because i cant get my socks off.



FABT

According to my calculations, you have *exactly* 232545 minutes until October the 2nd. And yes, I did work that out. Glad to see you're looking forward to uni It's great fun. Or, at least, it was until I dropped out

Food is good... I'd die without it.

Oh sorry, it's 232544 minutes now.

*bounces*

Last time I went to uni it was great,......except the food, i think thats why i am so obsessed now!
23253? minutes to go!
FABT

doesnt seem nearly so long that way!

and it's almost lunch time too! even better!

FABT

The food is always bad in halls. It was in mine. Then I moved into a shared house, and the food got even worse.

Brief smidgeon of paranoia: You know that a lot of halls of residence kitchens and school dinner kitchens sell the excess food to pig farmers? Well, I have this theory that the halls I went to got their food from pig farmers who had excess pig food which the pigs refused to eat.

i SO believe you!

I used to live above the kitchens and we used to see them scraping the slop in to big metal dustbins after dinner.

i dont think any self respecting pig would have gone near it though!

we used to have to walk past the back door of the kitchen to get to the underground passage that went into college and at about 9 in the morning you could see what ever was for lunch lying around uncovered on the counters. health inspectors would have had a field day if they ever showed up unannounced!

a friend of mine got food poisoning from the shepards pie.

i think they out real shepards in it

FABT

Hmm now there's an idea... and real fishermen in fishermans pie... and real ploughmen in ploughmans lunch...

Although the theory breaks down when you get to the steak and kidney pie. No way do they put authentic steak in that

so whats in baked alaska then?

Huskies, obviously.

Just don't ask about Spotted Dick.

It hadn't even occurred to me to...

What about Fishermen's Friends?

Or

American Pie?

I thought only American's called apple pie American Pie - afterall, I'm sure that apples were cooked in pastry many thousands of times before America was discovered, what with apples and pastry both being quite common...

<BB<

Well yes, but if you want to get finickety, apples aren't native to America anyway, they were introduced by European settlers.

Danish Pastries? Baked Alaska? In fact, most foods are misnomers.

i thought 'American Pie' was just a song...

Not to mention a generic trashy teen movie.

ooo. i'd forgotten about *that*. i'd rather think of the song, which i rather like, and know much of the lyrics to-- some even in the right order!