h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

How much does it cost for a pirate to pierce his ears?


A bucaneeeer

...I'll have to dig out my old Joke Book, now...

if you can find a pirate joke older than this i will be impressed

how can you make pirate dance the rumba?

fill him up with rum!

Why did the young pirate captain go to the brothel?

He wanted to find his first mate!

Did you hear abou that new pirate movie?

It's rated arrrrrrrrr!

avast me hearties, we seem to be on a roll

The oldest pirate joke I'm aware of is the nursemaid's song in "Pirates of Penzance:"

When Frederick was a little lad, he proved so brave and daring,
His father thought he'd 'prentice him to some career seafaring.
I was, alas, his nurserymaid, and so it fell to my lot
To take and bind the promising lad apprentice to a pilot.
A life not bad for a hardy lad, though surely not a high lot.
Though I'm a nurse, you might do worse than make your boy a pilot.

I was a stupid nurserymaid, on breakers always steering,
And I did not catch the word aright, through being hard of hearing,
Mistaking my instructions, which within my brain did gyrate,
I went and bound the promising lad apprentice to a pirate.
A sad mistake it was to make, and doom him to a vile lot,
I bound him to a pirate - you - instead of to a pilot.

Is it about now that i break out a verse or two of the good ship Venus...

Did you know that there is a book out called The "Essential Pirate Joke Book" By Jeff Faust. His premise:Pirate jokes arrre the best. Now that truly is a JOKE! Hey for $5.95 US dollars you can get this book. What have you got to lose?




Answer: $5.95 and probably shipping cost.

By a coincidence, Amazon UK just sent me a link to this book via email:

How to Be a Pirate in 7 Days or Less (Hardcover) "the perfect present for any little pirate who dreams of life on the high seas."

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0753413833/ref=pe_snp_833

That does sound interesting. Although, do kids want to be pirates anymore? Hmmm, I wonder if it teaches you how to scratch with a hook instead of a hand or how to dance with a peg leg?

Shiver Me Timbers... Let Your Pirate Flag Fly!
Store Price: $19.99 DEAL PRICE: $5.99

Release your inner Pirate with the colorful Jolly Roger Pirate Flag. Designed to strike fear into the hearts of potential victims, the mere sight of the Jolly Roger flag sent chills down the spines of many a captain and crew.

* 2 brass grommets for flag pole
* Measures 3' x 5' * Water Resistant
* Durable Nylon

And for just $5.99 you can truly be like the pirates of old, except for the eye patch. Get your flag at: http://rd.gophercentral.com/al/a?aid=168&ent=1911 <a href="http://rd.gophercentral.com/al/a?aid=168&ent=1911"> Jolly Roger Pirate Flag - $5.99

you must be joking

buying s when you can freemantle them?

landed in pirate booxchange...

I might buy the book as a joke for my growd-up daughter who likes to wear stripy t-shirts and is obsessed with all things pirate. (Methinks it could have something to with her like of a certain Mr Depp!)

ah yes, pretty boy johnny , the of young girls hearts

i must admit i haven't seen any of the movies yet , but i saw johhny visit letterman and he seems to be quite smart and witty in rl

The Depster films are well worth a watch. Plus he's not just of the young girls' hearts, as there are enough of us 'more mature' hormonally-hampered types who are swayed by the Depster's prettiness.

I have had to 'rescue' my copy of 'Chocolat' from my daughter's boxes of stuff to go to university with her!

Yeah, I had a bit of a at and Mr Depp just the other evening... and Captain Jack Sparrow just got strange. ...er.

The older he gets, the less serious and puppydog he gets, and better it goes!