h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

1. Moisten lips beforehand. Try not to make a noise.
2. Rotate head at least 15 degrees to the left on approach. If you still see nasal contact imminent then abort.

!!!BEWARE!!!! DrInKiNg before kissing may cause you to kiss , more then a fool!!

It's been made quite obvious that under most conditions (those not including cigars or fellows named "Don"), kissing is a pleasurable experience. Therefore, something that would increase the frequency of this enjoyable act would be a good thing, would it not? I also object to your blaming alcohol for the flaws in your technique. My liquid friend Jameson has caused no problems and has also not changed the frequency with which I engage in kissing.

Tip #3. DO NOT TRY ON STRANGERS. My recent experiments have left me to the obvious conclusion. Trying a kiss on a stranger will only lead to a most angry female.

I am surprised that no one has added any thing about the use of the tongue or the implementation and or use of a pierced tongue. I assure you that the use of your tongue, i.e. touching it to that of the person you are kissing via the open portal of the mouth will result in an enjoyable experience. Should you be lucky enough to touch kiss some one that has a small piece of surgical steel set through there tongue, you may also find this to be extremely interesting and exciting, especially if you have never experienced the tactile sensation of a pierced tongue.

As an exercise in teledildonics, and an examiniation of the surgical steel theory (above), I've just tried to blow a kiss to my wife over the phone while simultaneously touching surgical steel to my tongue. While, initially, yes there is some thrilling aspect to this experiment I think I should share with other Guide researchers what I believe to be the key tip to the whole thing: don't use a scalpel. (The only piece of surgical steel I had to hand). If you will excuse me now I have to go to casualty, and then to a dry cleaner.

not a very good idea then really, was it?!?!
I don't think you'll be able to experience the joy of "french kissing" for a while, heh?

Nobody has mentioned kissing objects.
Any tips on kissing the Pope's ring?
Gerald Durrel in My Family and Other Animals gives a great overview of kissing religious objects (or not as the case may be).
Have you heard of "Kissing the Gunners Daughter? A famous naval phrase for being flogged.
And in French, while we are on the subject of French Kisses the word for kiss is also the word for intercourse.
I supose in English the equivalent happened post war with the phrase "Make love to." 1930's films would have had the phrase without the automatic assumption of rumpy-pumpy. It had more of the meaning of wooing.

When using your tongue while kissing a human, however, beware! It is very easy to emerge with a semicircle of toothmarks at the base of the tongue. This can be irritating.

Is it better or worse with an animal?

Unless you Like the taste of sperm, it is advisable not to let the person to which you have just given a mouth full of babies(ejaculated into oral cavity) a french kiss...Or maybe i'm just funny that way.

My boyfriend never seemed to mind...

When dealing with draculas, it is also advisable to pay special attention to the survival of your lips. Human teeth aren't that sharp, but the muscles controlling the jaw are strong.

Another idea is also sucking your counterpart's ear. Extensive research on one female subject have revealed very pleasing results. Of course this can't be proved to be useful in all cases, but it's worth a shot. A tongue in the ear canal also causes interesting reactions.

I assume the ear canal is nowhere near venice.

Probably not. My terminology on human anatomy in the English language isn't quite up to par... I just used the literal translation from Finnish, with obvious poor results. I apologise.

I take that back.

The literal translation would be ear passage, or something like that, but that's probably just me being tired.

actually there are alot of ear canals in venice, they just don't function in the same way ours do.
for example a gondola seems the ideal place to kiss, but due to the inexplicable mechanics of the gondolear's ear canal means that instead of taking you to the hotel you asked to be taken to, you end up instead in a small modern art gallery in the rough end of the city, leaving you in a very awkward situation.

Gondolier? My friend had to go to the doctor's with something like that.

I was only joking Argentum ear canal is how we would describe it.
But I can't resist word play!

Joking or not, I felt the surreal tangent had a fair bit of novel value,> <

Hey, kissing with braces is nearly as painful. The cuts and sores it brought on prevented me from eating properly for over a week. :P I guess I'll just have to wait to get these things off. Or does anyone have suggestions on getting around the problem?