h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

One of my favourite stories of 'Getting it wrong' with a condom is, apparently, true but would be as much fun if it were apocryphal.

A doctor was part of a team trying to reduce the birth rates in certain tribal villages. The villages were to be supplied with plentiful quantities of condoms. However, the villagers had never seen a condom before, so they had to be shown how to use one. As the doctor didn't have an erection he demonstrated by sliding the condom over the end of a convenient branch.

Some time later the doctor returned and found that the birth rate was as high as ever. 'Aren't you using the condoms?' he asked a tribesman. 'All the time,' was the reply, 'but they don't work.' 'Show me how you are using them,' said the doctor. So the tribesman took a condom, slid it over the end of a convenient branch, and went off to have sex with his wife.

When, heavily pregnant, I was teaching an extension English class nearly 30 years ago I was forced to give a lecture on birth control because my students didn't believe me when I said I intended to have only two children. Several of them told me seriously that the pill only worked for Europeans. Turned out the men were taking it.
BTW these two articles are brilliant. I think the reason nobody else has replied is that you've said it all except that in Shanghai ten years ago my male colleagues were reduced to the usual juvenile reaction when asked what size they wanted!

Your posting puts me in mind of another tale I read some time ago.

Some years ago the Thai government decided to import loads of condoms to reduce the risk of AIDS. They held a survey to find out the sizes required. (This idea caused Richard, my husband, much amusement. Over here, one size fits all.) Of course, all the men claimed to be large, so none of the condoms fit. The Thai government then contacted all the prostitutes, particularly in major cities like Bangkok (appropriately), asking them to surreptitiously measure the male member so that the right sizes could be ordered.

On the subject of men taking the Pill by mistake, I wonder if those men are aware that they could have ended up sterile. This would have solved the birth control problem, but on a rather more permanent basis than was intended. (Men who work in places that manufacture the Pill have to wear face masks to prevent themselves inhaling the ingredients, as this can cause sterility.)

Kind of makes you wonder how effective the efforts to stymie AIDS in Africa are going to be after reading posts like this.

As long as a very large proportion of the money goes for grass roots education this shouldnit be impossible. My students, who were mostlt in their late 20s,early 30s brought their wives to a special lecture I arranged with a local nurse doind most of the talking.

I hate it when you are trying to put one on in the dark in a hurry and you accidentally put it on inside out. Bloody annoying when you cant get it to roll down. Then you end up with a knob thats 6 inches wide and two inches tall!!!!

Also, dont ask for durex in Australia as its a brand of sellotape (its not a roll your own contraceptive option!!)

Can I suggest the fluorescent ones mentioned in the article

Glow in the dark ones are an inch thick!!! You might as well shag a piece of garden hose.

Sorry, I didn't know that. I've never come across one (deliberate pun )

This is actually one of three entries on Condoms. The third one Durex condoms hasn't been edited yet. You can find this entry here
http://www.h2g2.com/A330553. I um, 'collaborated'...

Oh and Wandrin' star, I kind of agree with you. Although I particularly like the red-strawberry coloured ones.

Took the words right out of my mouth, Con.

Ooo er.

Boyfriend's completely colourblind. Bugger.

Yes, you should use condoms for that, too!

He'd still enjoy the effect though. Get him to try a green spearmint one, he can watch you rolling around laughing at his bright green penis...

I bought a whole bunch of different colours when my wife went off the pill. The pink and green ones were hilarious enough but the missus howled when she saw me in my "little basic black"

"You look like a flipping zebra .... !!!!"