h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I've heard a rumour that a member of The Celery's team has been advertising free curried lampposts if researchers vote for The Celery. I must officially protest about this. Curried Lampposts were originally offered by myself, and were entirely my creation. I have many witnesses to the original offer. This is simple and blatant plagiarism and I strongly protest against The Celery's team for this, and demand that action is taken immediately. Any one of The Celery's team caught distributing these forged curried lampposts, or with a curried lamppost on their body or property, will be prosecuted the the full extent of the law. (ie. not at all)

Update!

I can now officially confirm this rumour. I have identified the offender as Odradek. He is definitely an approved supporter of The Celery - there is a link to him from The Celery's headquarters.

At the time of writing, Odradek's official h2g2 name is 'Odradek (Vote Celery/Webjello and get a free curried lamp-post!)'

Recently there's been a bit of a debate about h2g2 creation between myself and several respected members of The Celery's team. We concluded that anything anyone creates on h2g2 is their own creation and cannot be modified by anyone else. For example, if I mentioned that I had a small friendly bean called Harold on my shoulder, who told me where to find my trousers, then in 'h2g2 Reality' he would be 'real'. If somebody else said that Harold was in fact a tomato, this would not be accepted as h2g2 Reality, because it's my creation, and (except for minor affairs, for amusement's sake) anything anyone else says about him cannot be true without my approval.

Hench The Celery. The Celery is a h2g2 Creation by his team. Anything that any individual member of The Celery's team says that The Celery is doing, is 'real'. This is because he is a collective creation.

And Odradek is one of his team. Thus anything he says about The Celery is 'real'.

Therefore, as Odradek is claiming that anyone who votes for The Celery will get a free curried lamp-post, this is official Celery policy.

Therefore I am holding The Celery *personally* responsible for this plagiarism. I demand that I receive a personal, official apology, and that the offer is immediately retracted. If I receive this, I will forgive Odradek, The Celery and the rest of the team, and am happy to continue the good relations that we currently have. I have nothing else against them and I admit that this problem may just be a mistake.

(I'm having a field day aren't I )

Next thing we'll hear will be the Celary is electable because he burn's saucepans. Thanks for bringing this to our attention Peregrin. And can I have a banana Coloured Chameleon just for supporting you in exposing this sleaze.

Another thing I'd like to say myslef on a similar cause.

Now, erm, I don't want to get into trouble about harassing The Celery's team again, but someone who's name temporarily is vacant from my mind (I'll post the facts here soon) has been saying The Celery cares about fish!

Now, on my and Njan's campaign page...
http://www.h2g2.com/A402742
...Njan stated all the stuff about greater rights for fish and so on...it was only after I wrote and put up that entry that the person's parenthesis carried the remark on fish!

This is perposterous, and I demand that The Celery's policies be taken a closer look at, and verified for their date of creation!

1st: Regarding the curried lamp-posts and curried lampposts:
While I'm not prepared to completely address this yet, I don't believe The Celery was aware of or authorized the 'offer' apparently made by Dolores' liaison Odradek (who is female, by the way). I will discuss the issue with him, and I promise we'll try to get to the bottom of this. An official response will be posted here as soon as possible.



___________________

2nd: Regarding The Big C's concern that the Celery cares for fish. This has been well established. Take a look at the timetable:

July 17
Celery announces committment to h2g2 creatures in the Post
http://www.h2g2.com/A395110

July 24:
The Celery creates The Celery's Fish Sanctuary and Playground to provide a safe place for fish to swim. It immediately takes off and grows into a vibrant, busy fish playground.
http://www.h2g2.com/A401202

July 26
Big C and Njan Campaign Page is created where they state they want to create 'fish pools' or something like that.
http://www.h2g2.com/A402742

August 1
Celery announces commitment to fish in the Post
http://www.h2g2.com/A405154

August 7: Big C and Njan's Campaign Statement published in the Post including the statement that they care about fish.
http://www.h2g2.com/A411391
Also interesting that they also state the 'idea' that they will create maps of h2g2. Interesting, because Peregrin's staff has been working on that for some time. Where'd that idea come from, Big C?

As you can see from the timeline, Big C and Njan's concern about fish has _followed_ The Celery's every time.

The Celery has proven his commitment to fish. His Fish Sanctuary and Playground has provided homes for a large number of fish from around h2g2. He has even welcomed one of the opposition VP candidates, and provided a home for hime in the Sanctuary, as well as a poor herring that was unfortunately dragged into political machinations by another opponent.

If you and your VP are so concerned about fish, why is it that the Save the Fishes Campaign, which your VP co-founded, has been languishing since June with no updates despite people wanting to join and fish needing a home?

The Celery admires the Save the Fishes Campaign and supports its efforts, but since it seemed to be on a long 'break', he felt he had to step in and provide another place for the fish he loves.

He welcomes the fact that The Big C and Njan also care about fish and hopes that more candidates will join him in his campaign to help h2g2 fish.

Redbeard said: "...Dolores' liaison Odradek (who is female, by the way). I will discuss the issue with him, and I promise we'll try to get to the bottom of this."

Is Odradek male or female? You don't seem to be able to make up your mind

I feel that the issue of h2g2 fish should not be taken personally by anybody. The was created by the original h2g2 team, and they if anyone have the rights of life and death (!) of them.

Another thing to quieten everyone: as far as I can see, all of your fish-saving antics were preceded by Lisa the Freak's and Njan's Save the H2G2 Fish campaign at http://www.h2g2.com/A359138 created on the 10th of June. I have supported this campaign for a long time, before the presidential campaign idea was even a glimmer of an idea in Shazz's (May She Live Forever) head.

So there

So there.

Dolores is female. When I said that I will discuss the issue with 'him' I was referring to The Celery. Sorry if the structure of my grammar confused you.

The Celery has never claimed sole possession of the 'fish issue'. In fact, he has always welcomed others who support fish (I also mentioned that in my last post). It was Big C who seemed to want to claim sole right (no pun intended ) to fish support, by saying that I shouldn't be announcing that 'The Celery cares for fish' in my name.

Also, if you would care to read the end of my previous post, Peregrin, I talk about the Save the Fish Campaign that Lisa and Njan created. I mention that the Celery admires and supports it. I also mention that it has unfortunately been dormant since June. Dozens of researchers have offered their assistance and offered fish for that campaign, but have been ignored until now.

The Celery has stepped forward and accomplished things for h2g2 fish while others talk about them.

Peregrin, sweetie, Odradek is a girl. Styx calls her "Stud Lady" (referring, I believe, to her body piercings rather than any other hobby or activity) and I think we can trust the Rat's instincts on this one.

Anyone who wants to make maps is welcome to. It's not as easy as it sounds. Protective clothing is required.

At the top of the last post, I meant to say that Odradek is female. Dolores is too, but that wasn't an issue!

LOL, Amy! I believe it!

I think perhaps the closest thing to hell on h2g2 would be to serve on a committee established to map all of h2g2!

Hmmm. Funny you should say that.

*dons fireproof suit*

Peregrin?

l'm quite sorry about the entire lamp-post/lamppost curry fiasco. ln all actuality, l'd never realized you'd made a curried lamppost offer, though admittedly, as you've taken us through everything from organ transplants to trips to the Afterlife

Oddly enough, l recalled both of those aforementioned offers, and many in between, but the lamppost one just slipped my mind. lt was quite unrelated that l made my own joking "curried lamp-post" offer --even spelt differently, as may have been noticed.

At any rate. Whether or not the tagline was taken to be libelious or plageristic, that wasn't its original intent. ln addition, l did it on my own terms without consulting Dolores, The Celery, or any other members of the C/WJ team. lt was meant as a quite silly and random joke -- l mean, what are the odds of two instances of curried lampposts/lamp-posts being offered? -- and for the most part, l assumed it would be taken as one...

So. l switched over my parenthesis, and shan't make any further references to lamp-posts, lampposts, lamp posts, Lampe Pfosten, borne da lâmpada, alberino della lampada, poteau de lampe, or any other references thereto in other languages which my browser does not support. Promise.

lf l do, you can personally flay me with a spatula heated to the core temperature of Rigel and have what skin of mine remains sewn into a pair of house slippers, which you can wear whilst seated at your computer for all your web-cam viewers to behold.

Apology accepted?

Cringingly yours,

Odradek (who is posessed of two X chromasomes and lots and lots of silver body jewellery)

The Celery was busy working on an investigation for the Post, but I interrupted him to talk to him about the issue Peregrin brought up. He has asked me to issue his official statement.



I would like to personally apologize to Peregrin for the mistake made by a staff member connected to the Celery campaign. Without my approval, Odradek, Liaison to Dolores Webjello, apparently in fun, made an offer of curried lamp-posts in her name parenthesis. It is easy to understand how this could be confused with the fine curried lampposts earlier offered as a bribe by Peregrin.

I have recently spoken with Odradek, and while I indicated to her my concern, I believe that she truly was not aware of the logical connection of curried lampposts to Peregrin (having joined the campaign later than most of the others). She has promised to change her name parenthesis immediately and no longer make references to offers of curried lamp-posts (or curried lampposts for that matter).

I would like to once again state that while my campaign will be providing a lot of good for h2g2 residents and creations, we will not be providing bribes, curried or otherwise. Those who were looking for a President whose strength is providing them with curried lampposts should check out the Peregrin campaign page.

Once again, my apologies.

-- The Celery

P.S. I care about fish.

Thank you all, apologies graciously accepted.

I'd like to apologise to Odradek for mistaking her gender.

I am quite happy to accept both errors as simple and easy to make mistakes.

I don't know how Odradek came across the idea of curried lampposts/lamp-posts... the only explanation I can think of is that she briefly noticed my offer but it didn't stick in her mind enough for her to remember it other than in her subconsious. Therefore when she dreamt up something to offer, her subconsious brought up the obscure idea of offering curried lamp-posts.

(Perhaps I should lay off the subliminal messaging I'm using to gain voters)

Having dealt with all that, anyone care for a curry?

Alright then Redbeard, I now realise that The Celery did the fish thing before Njan.
However, I can assure you we did not get the idea off you! You see, Njan told me his ideas about fish over ICQ, and he hadn't been on h2g2 for some time because he was always flying out all over the world at that time...ask him yourself!

and the map of h2g2 that Peregrin's working on? That was my odea to begin with! I posted it to Peta, and I posted it in some other forum that I can't remember, and it was before constuction began! So there! The map was all my idea!

I think the map thing is something else that is entirely debatable.
I'm not working on it myself - Amy the Ant is doing most of it. I remember thinking of the idea a long time ago, when the Category system was first implemented. But Amy the Ant thought of it independentely, as I'm sure you did too.

I'm sure you could help Amy with her versions if you like - it's meant to be a collaborative effort anyway.

Mind you The Fish set up a fish tank long ago and invited all the fish to go there to hang out.

True, true...

Just ask Jack, Leezes, Chance and Ardal, a Fish Called Honda and others.

Ah, well, erm...Chance and Ardal should be on my 'station's observatory, but they haven't been therein *ages*!!!
Actually, I haven't seen E n a while...

E!!?? Where the frell are you!!??