h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Sorry to be so picky but I cannot let you get away with such a generalisation as the one you open your 'spoon' feature with. I do admire the accuracy of the article and hope you don't mind this addition.

A spoon and therefore 'spoons' are not hand tools for transporting food to the mouth. 'Spoon' is a generic term for whole families of similar devices, most of which never go near a mouth. In fact the one that humans use more than any other is used to transport sweetener from its receptical to another receptical full of liquid and, having deposited its contents, is used to agitate the contents of the second receptical until both contents are mixed. I believe it is called a tea spoon even if the second substance is tea, coffee, chocolate, custard, milkshake or whatever. If the "Guide" has to have an entry on spoons then we must all try and make it as accurate and complete as possible.

There are spoons as musical instruments, painted wooden spoons as lucky charms, spoons as props for balancing tricks, spoons as games equipment, the list goes on.

I was very pleased to read in a mail order catalogue recently that there are new additions to the family of spoons known as "measuring spoons". Now available are the three required to measure out a pinch, a dash and a smidgen. There is still a market for a spoon to measure a 'tad' and perhaps a larger measure to standardise the 'slack handful'.

I notice in "Method of Use" that you describe the 'slurp' so accurately as to include mention of the droplets of liquid stuff often created during this move. It might help readers to note the possible downside of this move known as 'The Spray'. Some novices trying the 'slurp' for the first time forget to inhale through the mouth only by insuring only just enough air enters through the mouth with the liquid to aid cooling. If the drop in pressure within the mouth is excessive, the restricted opening caused by pursing the lips around the bowl of the spoon, means air is drawn into the mouth through the only other orifice possible, the nose. The unintentional inhaling of those droplets through the nose, not known as a popular way into the human body for liquids, will trigger a sneeze! The resulting rapid expulsion of air through both nose and mouth will rapidly remove the contents of the bowl of the spoon and mouth and spray them over the nearest object, usually the spoon holder's partner, sitting opposite and sharing the tribal feast.

Spoons are also essential stirring tools. Forks and whisks stir, but not with the authority of a mixing spoon.

I'd like to note that when using a spoon as eating utensil, it is imperative to put the spoon into your mouth and lick it clean on the last docking. I have a roommate who fails to do this, and one finds these dreadfuls spoons with bits of chili con carne and beans stuck to them on the counter and in the sink. This has caused some damage to the bowls of his spoons (I do not allow him to use my spoons).

Top notch old bean.

Inverting the aparatus on the last entry to the mouth does facilitate better cleaning. I wonder how many have been returned from mouth to drawer in this state?

P.S. Some chilli dishes have been used as paint stripper. Don't put dirty spoons down on painted surfaces.

I made one once and accidentally replaced the teaspoonsfuls of chilli powder with desertspoonfuls. It was still hot several days later and its story is brought out during those thoughtfull lulls in conversation when discussing times gone by. "Do you remember that chilli you made ...?"