h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You forgot to mention the other famous (or infamous, depending on your point of view) uses of the ordinary spoon. For example: spoons are commonly used as a percussion instrument in many kinds of American folk music. There's also the popular "tunnel your way our of prision" use. And, of course, there's the always popular "hang the spoon on the nose to amuse your party guests" use.

I always used them as instriments of punishment, but I'm obsessed with the things, so I use them for anything. But let me elaborate.

You'd use a plastic spoon for mild pain, like if someone says something stupid, or mildly offensive, but in a friendly manner. You hold the handle tightly, pull the bowl of it up, and let it go sharply, letting it hit them on a bare bit of skin, normally the arm.

A metal spoon would be used if you wanted to actually hurt someone, but not give horribly lasting effects, normally, I've been known to bruise or draw blood with one though. You can throw it (I don't do so, because you lose the spoon, and might have it thrown back at you), you can simply hit them with one, or you can stab/jab them with it. I suggest stabbing.

Then, when someone does something horrid, like... Attacking you/someone you like or insulting you horribly, you'd use... *dramtic music* A grapefruit spoon. Some people get all obsessed over sporks, because you can stab better with them, but let me tell you a grapefruit spoon gets it done. For those who have no clue what the bloody heck I'm talking about, let me explain. A grapefruit spoon is used, you guessed it, for eating grapefruit. It's a normal spoon, but the bowl's tip is usually a bit/quite pointy, and the sides, about half way up it, are serated. It's a lovely tool to be sure. Used best for stabbing or simply slashing them, and catching them with the serations.

I think I'm going to write an entry for the other uses of a spoon... Or self-defence... With a spoon...

I am scared of you now...

They can also be used for removing bicycle tyres if you have lost/can't find your tyre hooks.
Use the handle under the tyre, and the bowl to hook under a spoke.

David